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Bringing People Together Challenges and Opportunities. Conflict Resolution Saskatchewan Inc. & The ADR Institute of Saskatchewan. Agenda. Introductions Guidelines Opening Address –Intense emotions, anger, rage and the Brain Transformative learning : The cooperative learning process

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Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

Bringing People TogetherChallenges and Opportunities

Conflict Resolution Saskatchewan Inc.

&

The ADR Institute of Saskatchewan

marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


Agenda
Agenda

  • Introductions

  • Guidelines

  • Opening Address –Intense emotions, anger, rage and the Brain

  • Transformative learning :

    • The cooperative learning process

      • Introduce self

      • best skill in work with group

      • What I could use your help with

    • “We learn what we teach.”

marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


Reptilian brain
REPTILIAN BRAIN

Instinctual survival

  • Fight,Flight, Freeze

  • Aggression

  • Anger

  • Fear

  • Revenge

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Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

Whole brain thinking

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Managing anger
Managing anger

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Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

Fever is your body’s effort to send

white blood cells to illness; hot enough to drive out germs, bacteria.

Low fever & high fever need different response.

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First feeling trigger anger
First Feeling + Trigger = Anger

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Under anger
Under Anger

Hurt

Grieving

Frustrated

Humiliated

Scared

Rejected

Embarrassed

Trapped- no options

HALT-

Hungry

Angry already

Lonely

Tired

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Manage your anger be a starr

Stop and breathe 3 deep breathes

Reward to feel good afterward

Think of 10 ideas for what to do

Reflect on what worked

Act on the safest choice

Manage your anger- Be a STARR

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Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

Auditory

Visual

Kinesthetic internal

Kinesthetic external

Learning Styles

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Tell me and i will forget show me and i may remember involve me and i will understand

Tell me, and I will forget. Show me, and I may remember. Involve me, and I will understand.

Confucius, 450 B.C.

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Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

marthamcmanus@hotmail.com Involve me, and I will understand.


Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

How many squares? Involve me, and I will understand.5

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Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

How many squares? Involve me, and I will understand.

  • Work alone and fast, this is a competition.

  • Write your answer on a paper and raise your hand.

  • The first 3 are winners.

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Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

How many squares? Involve me, and I will understand.

Take as long as you need to get the answer. Work individually.

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Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

How many squares? Involve me, and I will understand.

Work together to find an answer, Help each other understand.

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Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

BASE GROUPS Involve me, and I will understand.

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Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

EXPERT GROUPS Involve me, and I will understand.

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Unpacking root causes 9 10 15
Unpacking Involve me, and I will understand.Root Causes 9-10:15

Working groups: 9- 9:15

  • 1.High and Low context cultures and communication

  • 2.Life skills- Anger and emotional intelligence

  • 3.Trauma, Abuse and violence contributors

  • 4.Mental illness & immediate situational contributors

    Base groups: 9:15- 9: 45

  • Working group (1,2,3,4) reports (5 minutes each)

  • How does understanding possible root causes inform our work?

  • In their shoes- if you experienced some of the root causes described, how would you wish to be treated?

  • Questions for the big group

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How can i respond in relating with a volatile person staying safe and helping another
How can I respond in relating with a volatile person, staying safe and helping another?

  • Swimming metaphor

  • Pre mediation work

    • Co- mediator- don’t go alone

    • Anger, rage, volatility

      • Past patterns

      • Current stressors

    • Support

marthamcmanus@hotmail.com








How can i respond in relating with a volatile person staying safe and helping another 11 11 45
How can I respond in relating with a volatile person, staying safe and helping another? 11-11:45

  • Working groups: 11-11:15

    • Respect

    • Resilience

    • Diversity –reflecting our community

    • Environment – Space, exits, timing

  • Base groups: 11:15- 11:45

  • Reports of working groups

  • Brainstorm ideas that will help prevent volatile eruptions in the environments of your work

  • Questions and insights to Big group

  • marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    A man had 17 camels
    A man had 17 camels staying safe and helping another

    He left his 17 camels to his three sons on his death.

    The oldest son would get 1/2 the camels.

    The middle son would get 1/3 of the camels.

    The youngest son would get 1/9 of the camels.

    The sons were confused. Then a wise

    Woman came along on her camel

    And resolved the problem.

    How many camels did each son get?

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Bringing people together challenges and opportunities
    LEO staying safe and helping another

    • Listen:

      • Body language (face them, open body stance)

      • Tone and volume, Do your eyes show interest? (or are you busy taking notes?)

        • Ask open ended questions

        • Encourage talking (that must have been difficult, thank you for telling me)

        • Give them room

        • Suspend Judgment, Avoid moving to premature solutions

  • Empathize:

    • Confirms you understand their point of view

    • Lets them know you heard their story

      • Demonstrates comfort and competence

      • Lays groundwork for problem solving

      • Helps build common ground

      • “So you feel___________ because it seems to you____________ ?”

      • Restate feelings, their view and check to make sure you got it right?

      • Model desired emotional state (breathe, be calm, attentive)

  • Options:

    • Get their attention- confirm understanding- move to desired outcome

      • Offer Options-“I can think of some options, want to hear them?

      • Co-create options, neutral language

      • Plot a course- next steps (KIS)

  • marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Bringing people together challenges and opportunities
    NVC staying safe and helping another

    1. OBSERVE: The concrete actions we are observing that are affecting our well-being

    2. FEELINGS: How we feel in relation to what we are observing

    3.NEEDS: The needs, values, desires, etc. that are creating our feelings

    4.REQUEST: The concrete action we request in order to enrich our lives

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Bringing people together challenges and opportunities
    NLP staying safe and helping another

    • Visual

    • Auditory

    • Kinesthetic internal

    • Kinesthetic external

      • “ I can see that you feel frustrated and angry; that no one seems to be listening to you. Come and lets you and I see if we can sort this out.”

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    Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

    http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/transformation/ staying safe and helping another

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Conflict management and transformation
    Conflict Management and Transformation staying safe and helping another

    • It is time:

      • To honour our values of respect, compassion and treating others as we would wish to be treated.

      • To expand our life skills as we live cooperatively in increasingly diverse communities

      • To embrace conflict as an opportunity for learning and growth

    • Transformation is possible-”Our peaceful world is not a place without conflict. Rather it is a place where we resolve our conflicts with respect, compassion, and a shared goal of understanding. Let us honour each other in the process.”

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Key skills for working with conflict respecting the people and understanding the problem
    Key staying safe and helping anotherskills for working with conflict: Respecting the people and understanding the problem

    • Separating the people and the problem

    • Focus on interests not positions

    • Common Interests

    • Creating Options- why brainstorming works

    • Emotional and social intelligence skills

    • Heart felt Compassion

    • “People do the best they can with what they know. When they know better, they do better.” Maya Angelo

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

    If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease.

    Sent-ts’an, c - 700 CE

    Zen master

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Skill development
    Skill Development for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    • Base groups practice LEO method & NVC

      • Create an example

      • Practice responding-both methods

      • Request feedback

        • What you did well

    • Debrief methods as a group

      • Make it your own- prepare a script

    • After Anger and volatility – now what?

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Putting it all together
    Putting it all together for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    • In your group with colleagues:

      • Introduce yourselves

      • What I do well….

    • discuss :

      • Challenges unique to your circumstances

      • Prevention

      • Environment

      • Processes most effective with your community

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Putting it all together self care
    Putting it all together - self care for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    • Individuals and community care

    • Left overs

    • Evaluation

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Compassion doing wholehearted w ork
    Compassion for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease: Doing Wholehearted Work

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Escalation of conflict
    Escalation of Conflict for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    Destructive Violence

    Power Struggle

    Overt Conflict

    Latent Tensions

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Why conflict escalates
    Why Conflict Escalates for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    Destructive Violence

    Power Struggle

    Overt Conflict

    Frustrated needs

    Poor skills

    Weak relationships

    Latent Tensions

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Why conflict escalates1
    Why Conflict Escalates for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    Destructive Violence

    Power Struggle

    Conflicting interests

    Disputed rights

    Unequal power

    Injured relationships

    Overt Conflict

    Latent Tensions

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Why conflict escalates2
    Why Conflict Escalates for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    Destructive Violence

    No attention

    No limitation

    No protection

    Power Struggle

    Overt Conflict

    Latent Tensions

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Catching conflict before it escalates
    Catching Conflict Before it Escalates for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    Destructive Violence

    Contain

    Power

    Struggle

    Overt Conflict

    Latent Tensions

    Resolve

    Prevent

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Prevent
    Prevent for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    Sources of Tension

    Frustrated needs

    Poor skills

    Weak relationships

    Ways to Prevent

    The Provider

    The Teacher

    The Bridge-Builder

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Resolve
    Resolve for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    Sources of Conflict

    Conflicting interests

    Disputed rights

    Unequal power

    Injured relationships

    Ways to Resolve

    The Mediator

    The Arbiter

    The Equalizer

    The Healer

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Contain
    Contain for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease

    Sources of Struggle

    No attention

    No limitation

    No protection

    Ways to Contain

    The Witness

    The Referee

    The Peacekeeper

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com


    Bringing people together challenges and opportunities

    “People do the best they can with what they know. When they know better, they do better.”

    Maya Angelo

    marthamcmanus@hotmail.com