Dealing with Difficult People Parents and Colleagues

1. Dealing with Difficult People Parents and Colleagues Proudly sponsored by:

2. Dealing with Difficult People The IEU would like to show our respect and acknowledge the traditional custodians and first peoples of the land on which this meeting takes place.

3. Dealing with Difficult People Overview The workshop will: • Look at how to assess the situation • Review the impact of non-verbal signals in a difficult situation • Outline possible strategies to defuse a difficult situation • Examine what to do if you are confronted with an angry person • Explore appropriate professional behaviours

4. Dealing with Difficult People Be proactive! Find out what the protocols are in your school BEFORE a situation arises: • Is there a policy? • What are the support structures available to you? • Talk to your supervisor

5. Dealing with Difficult People When confronted, assess the situation. Do you proceed? Do you find a way to postpone and seek help? You are not expected to deal with this alone.

6. Dealing with Difficult People Skills built in this workshop: • Reading body language • Understanding of personality characteristics • Using paraphrasing • Strategic questioning • Knowing how and when to leave a confrontational situation and ask for support

7. Dealing with Difficult People What types of body language give a negative impression?

8. Dealing with Difficult People Bored/disinterested body language • Checking the time • Inspecting fingernails/split ends • Leaning away • Not directly facing the person you are addressing • Poor posture • Propping your head up with your hands • Tapping fingers/feet

9. Dealing with Difficult People Nervous body language • Fidgeting • Scratching head or neck • Fixing your collar/clothes • Increased blinking rate • Slouched shoulders • Crossing your hands over your groin • Wiping your hands on your clothes • Sitting on the edge of your chair • Shifting body language from foot to foot

10. Dealing with Difficult People Resistance body language • Holding objects in front of your body • Touching your face during a conversation • Nose • Mouth • Fake smile • Crossing arms

11. Dealing with Difficult People Judgmental body language • Picking lint off your clothes and looking downwards • Stroking your chin • Narrowing eyes • Looking down your nose/looking downwards • Hands behind head or on hips

12. Dealing with Difficult People Angry body language • Standing too close • Squinting • Lowering and spreading the body • Making fists • Jutting chin

13. Dealing with Difficult People Establishing a base line Remember – some people havehabitual body language that doesn’t actually tell you anything,but could be read as negative Examples?

14. Dealing with Difficult People Cultural differences The study of body languageis an emerging field,but some cultural differences are known. Examples?

15. Dealing with Difficult People Remember – some people can fake body language: • Appear more confident through stance and breathing • Forcing a blush • Crying on cue • Other examples?

16. Dealing with Difficult People Defusing a situation Start with body language And don’t forget to breathe!

17. Dealing with Difficult People Good seated body language • Put both hands on table and keep them at rest • Angle legs towards the person, but keep feet either flat on the floor or tucked and crossed under the seat • Don’t lean back • Straight spine – square shoulders, face the person • Keep your face level

18. Dealing with Difficult People Good standing posture • Set your feet square – stabilise your body • Step backwards from an aggressive situation • Keep face level • Hands at side • Hold your shoulders squarely

19. Dealing with Difficult People When a difficult person approaches you, don’t take their tone or behaviour personally. You might not be the cause of it. What might have occurred before they approached you?

20. Dealing with Difficult People Types of difficult people Knowing the personalityof the difficult person might help younavigate ways about the moment of conflict Remember – people aren’t their behaviour.People change, and we can all be difficult in different ways.

21. Dealing with Difficult People The Know-It-All’s potential characteristics: • Acting like they know more than you • Acting as if they are better than you • Telling you things, even if you don’t want to know • Might be gossips Possible strategies: • don’t be careless with words or details – know your mind • soften statements with ‘bear with me a moment’ and ‘I was just wondering’ • give person shared ownership of the problem – use plural nouns (‘we’, ‘us’)

22. Dealing with Difficult People The Too-Agreeable’s potential characteristics: • Make promises when approached, but can’t deliver • Agrees with others to make them feel accepted • Uses humour to deflect moments of tension Possible strategies: • Make it safe to be honest • If they fail to deliver something, hear the person out – don’t interrupt at first. They might just fall back to agreeing with you • Let them know an appropriate time to back out of a commitment, and make them feel safe to do so

23. Dealing with Difficult People The Bully’s potential characteristics: • Immovable positions – they want you to move for them • They may lie in wait for your mistakes • Will attack when feeling threatened Strategies: • Hold your ground – make eye contact and breath slowly • Interrupt and paraphrase the main point • Promote empathy ‘From my point of view…’ or ‘The way I see it’ • Attempt to re-schedule the conversation to another time. ‘I hear your concern, but I think we need to talk about this when we’re both settled…’

24. Dealing with Difficult People The Complainer’s potential characteristics: • Not happy with changes • May want others to feel guilt or blame • Refuse to work to solutions, wants to be part of an obstacle Possible solutions: • Listen with paper and pen • Ask for their help in identifying the root cause of the problem – vague unhappiness is not something you can fix • Shift focus to small step solutions – they will want to talk about generalised problems • Show them the future is achievable – try to remove helplessness • Draw a line when the conversation loops back over points already made.

25. Dealing with Difficult People The Negative Person’s potential characteristics: • Doesn’t want to change • May not want to deal with the problem • Doesn’t think solutions will work Possible strategies: • Avoid trying to show them how it could be worse to force them to be positive • Don’t rush them – they may come back to you when they are ready ‘If you change your mind, let me know’, ‘When you think of a solution, get back to me’, ‘If you think of any ideas, get back to me’ • Acknowledge their good intent – appreciate their high standards, willingness to speak up, and concern with the details.

26. Dealing with Difficult People The Procrastinator’s potential characteristics: • Always want to do things later • Happier to let someone else do it • Can’t do it until the conditions are perfect • Can’t release a project until it is perfect Possible strategies: • mini-deadlines with achievable steps • Ask what it is that makes them uncomfortable about the task (literacy skills, too much work, trouble at home, etc)

27. Dealing with Difficult People Steps for dealing with angry people: • Greet the person pleasantly • Remain calm and respectful • Listen with limited interruptions • Use good listening skills and encouragers • Acknowledge the anger • Paraphrase and summarise • Apologise if an apology is required • Listen for statements that can be agreed with • Don’t debate the facts if the person is still angry • Ensure the person understands what you say - ‘yes’ does not indicate understanding Handout: 5.3 Reducing Conflict and Optimising Communication

28. Dealing with Difficult People Paraphrasing Often people skipwords and sentenceswhen they are angry. As your confusion grows,they read your non-verbal signals asdisagreement or resistance. If you pause the person and paraphrase their concern back to them,it helps them to breath, which calms them, and makes them hear what you understood. Handout: 5.4 The Art of Paraphrasing

29. Dealing with Difficult People Strategic Questions By asking strategic questions, you are: • Acknowledging that there might be a better way • Putting some onus on the difficult person to help think of a solution as well • Reinforcing that there might be multiple points of view on the one situation Handout: 5.5 Working with resistance

30. Dealing with Difficult People Using the techniques ofparaphrasing and strategic questioning,find a way of moving the difficult personforward from their original problem.

31. Dealing with Difficult People Remember - If you find yourself in a situation where you feel the discussion should not proceed, you can end the conversation. Phrases that work: • “Let’s talk more in depth about this on…” • “Maybe we should make a time to sit down and chat about this…”

32. Dealing with Difficult People You are able to ask your supervisor or principal for support in confrontational situations with colleagues, volunteers or parents/caregivers. It is part of your employer’s dutyto provide a safe workplace, which includes not feeling vulnerable.

33. Dealing with Difficult People What do you do if school protocols don’t work and you’re not getting the support you need? • Talking to IEU Rep • Taking the issue to the school chapter • Talking to your IEU Organiser

34. Dealing with Difficult People Contacting the IEU • Contact the Union for support and advice as soon as possible Phone: 8202 8900 1800 467 943 (Toll free) www.ieu.asn.au • Read and follow the school policy and protocol