Bullying … Why does it still exist in 2011??

Bullying …Why does it still exist in 2011?? What can we do? By Ira Bilofsky, LCSW 115 W. Montgomery Ave., Suite 201 North Wales, PA 19454 (215) 661-9515 ibilofsky.vpweb.com ibilofsky@gmail.com

SAY NO (to Drugs and Alcohol )Why not Bullying? For Decades we have been teaching the concept of Saying NO, it is time we add Bullying to the list and mean it.

What is Bully Prevention • Steps to Respect: teaches elementary students to recognize, refuse, and report bullying, be assertive, and build friendships. • Olweus Program: The Olweus Program (pronounced Ol-VEY-us; the E sounds like a long A) is a comprehensive, school-wide program designed and evaluated for use in elementary, middle, or junior high schools. The program’s goals are to reduce and prevent bullying problems among school children and to improve peer relations at school. The program has been found to reduce bullying among children, improve the social climate of classrooms, and reduce related antisocial behaviors, such as vandalism and truancy. (Olweus lost his son to bullying. The program is affective if followed.

The United States Department of Justice believes: • A perpetrator's bullying behavior does not exist in isolation. Rather, it may indicate the beginning of a generally antisocial and rule-breaking behavior pattern that can extend into adulthood. Programs to address the problem, therefore, must reduce opportunities and rewards for bullying behavior. The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, developed, refined, and systematically evaluated in Bergen, Norway, in the mid-1980s, is the best-known initiative designed to reduce bullying among elementary, middle, and junior high school children (Olweus and Limber, 1999). The strategy behind the program is to involve school staff, students, and parents in efforts to raise awareness about bullying, improve peer relations, intervene to stop intimidation, develop clear rules against bullying behavior, and support and protect victims. The program intervenes on three levels: • School: Faculty and staff survey students anonymously to determine the nature and prevalence of the school's bullying problem, increase supervision of students during breaks, and conduct school wide assemblies to discuss the issue. Teachers receive inservice training on how to implement the program. • Classroom: Teachers and/or other school personnel introduce and enforce classroom rules against bullying, hold regular classroom meetings with students to discuss bullying, and meet with parents to encourage their participation. • Individual: Staff intervene with bullies, victims, and their parents to ensure that the bullying stops.

Other Programs: • Quest for the Golden Rule: • EVIDENCE BASED: BUILT ON 20 YEARS OF BULLYING PREVENTION RESEARCH! • 3rd party empirically validated -- Curriculum by PREVNet’s Dr. Pepler & Dr. Craig • BULLYING PREVENTION THAT CHILDREN LOVE! • Students love to open up to the friendly computer characters • HASSLE FREE FOR TEACHERS! • Ready to go, pre-written lesson plans that are easy to t into any class • Curriculum based (language arts/drama/healthy living) • All you need is an Internet ready computer for each student • A COMPLETE AND COMPREHENSIVE RESOURCE! • Comprehensive selection of computer and non computer activities includes: • 5 weeks of computer role plays, follow-up activities, discussion activities, • home exercises, electronic surveys, parent letters and special needs adaptations • Includes: Fairness, Respect, Empathy, Citizenship, Justice, • Impulse Control, Friendship Skills, Empowerment, Intervention • ECONOMICAL PRICING THAT MEETS YOUR SCHOOL BUDGET!

Bullying, suicide prevention programs on tap for ACPS • As state lawmakers move forward with anti-bullying legislation, ACPS staff recommends a comprehensive, district-wide bullying prevention program.Meeting with the school board to discuss bullying prevention and suicide awareness information, staff advised members implement the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program district-wide at a cost of about $3,000 to $4,000 per school. Bullied children, especially those at an early age, are more likely to be at risk for self-esteem issues, absenteeism, low school achievement, illness and thoughts of suicide, staff said. On the other side of the coin, bullies are more prone to fighting and ending up in the criminal justice process. A full presentation on how the district should handle bullying by Superintendent Morton Sherman is expected in the near future. In Richmond, Alexandria delegates Adam Ebbin (D-45) and David Englin (D-49) have targeted bullying as well. Under legislation filed by Ebbin, bullying would be a criminal act, while Englin’s bill would force school districts to implement more stringent anti-bullying programs.

Some Statistics: • 160,000 children skip school everyday. • The National Center of Educational Statistics reports that 77 % of middle and high school students have been bullied. • The National Institutes of Health in the Journal of the American Medical Associates reveals that almost a third of 6th to 10th graders---5.7 million children nationwide have experienced some kind of Bullying (Nansel et al., 2001)

What is Bullying? • The behavior is intended to harm or disturb, • The behavior occurs repeatedly over time, and • There is an imbalance of power, with a more powerful person or group attacking a less powerful one (Mayo Clinic, 2001)

Bullying can be physical, verbal, psychological or a combination of the three. Bullying can take the form of name calling, put downs, says or writing inappropriate things about a person, deliberately excluding individuals from activities, not talking to a person, threatening a person with bodily harm, taking or damaging a person’s property, hitting or kicking a person, making a person do things they do not want to do, taunting, teasing and coercion.

Violence

FEAR

Intimidation

Sticks and stones-name calling

How do children become bullies? • Child rearing-A child may not receive warmth or caring from their parents: There may be a failure to bond with the parent’s or the child may have not felt loved. • Characteristics of the child: • Difficulties adapting to new situations. • Irregular sleeping patterns or lack of nutrition • Bad moods, strong moods, anti-social moods. • Unpredictable behavior toward everyone (other students, Parent’s, Teacher’s and Authority Figures). • Factors of the environment - American homes and schools do not provide negative consequences for bullies and society and sees bullying as transient or inconsequential.

Facts: IN FACT, ON TELEVEISION AND IN MOVIES BULLIES OFTEN GO UNCHECKED AND ARE SOMETIMES REWARDED FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR. • FOR BOYS-BULLYING IS SEEN AS STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF. • Girls are seen as just “being mean”because they believe they are superior, have more money, and in large groups are often able to bully.

Is this Bullying?

Would you know a Bully if you saw one? • Bullies take on all shapes and sizes. • Bullies can be other Children. • Bullies can be Teachers. • Bullies can be Parent’s. • Bullies can be Siblings. • Bullies can be Policemen and other Law Enforcement Officials. • Bullies can be Cyber Based (Computer) and have no fear of being caught.

The Bully Developmental Model

Why do we honor Meanness? Books Fairy Tales Teenage movies

Even the good guy uses violence

Recent Bullying Statistics • 1 out of 4 children are Bullied. • 1 out of 5 children admit to being Bullied. • 8% of students admit to missing 1 day a month from school because of Bullying. • 43% fear harassment not just from peers but educator’s as well. • 100,000 students Nationwide carry guns to school to protect themselves. • 28% of those carrying guns have witnessed violence at home. • A recent poll of teens ages 12-17 believe violence is on the rise in school. • 282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary school education each month Nationally.

According to the Department of Justice: School Crime and Safety Statistics: • 46 % males, and 26 % of females reported that they had been in physical fights. • Those in lower grades reported being in twice as many fights as those in higher grades. However, there is a lower rate of serious crimes in the Elementary Schools than in Middle and High Schools. • Teenagers say revenge is the strongest motivation for school shootings. • 87% said shootings are motivated by “a desire to get back at those who have hurt them”. • 86% said, “other kids picking on them, making fun of them or Bullying them” causes teenagers to turn violent. • Students recognize that being a victim of abuse at home or witnessing others being abused at home may cause school violence. • 61% said students shoot others because they have been victims of abuse at home. • 54% said witnessing physical abuse at home can lead to violence in school • STUDENTS SAY SCHOOL IS NOT SAFE AND MOST DO NOT TRUST ADMINISTRATOR’S AND TEACHER’S. This has started a chain reaction for “School Refusal”.

Bullying statistics continued. • Thursday, November 29, 2007 • According to new statistics these are the top five worst States to live in if you want to avoid being Bullied in K through 12th grades: • California • New York • Illinois • Pennsylvania • Washington

32% of parent’s fear for their child’s physical safety while they are in school at all Grades. • 22% of parent’s whose children are in Grade 5 or lower fear for their child’s safety. • Target’s of Bullying have a higher incident rate for dropping out of school, self mutilation, substance abuse, suicide and violence towards others. • They also suffer from headaches, stomachaches, depression eating disorders and acute anxieties.

ACCORDING TO THE BUREAU OF JUSTICE SCHOOL BULLYING STATISTICS AND CYBER BULLYING STATISTICS - School Crime and Safety: • 42% of kids have been bullied while online. 1 in 4 have had it happen more than once. • 35% of kids have been threatened online. Nearly 1 in 5 have had it happen more than once. • 21% of kids have received mean or threatening e-mail or other messages. • 58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online. More than 4 out of 10 say it has happened more than once.

Cyber Bullying Statistics, Con’t • 53% of kids admit having said something mean or hurtful to another person online. More than 1 in 3 have done it more than once. • 58% have not told their parents or an adult about something mean or hurtful that happened to them online. Based on 2004 i-SAFE survey of 1,500 students grades 4-8.

Types of Bullying • There are two main types for bullies: • Aggressive Bullies: An aggressive bully is an individual who is belligerent, fearless, coercive, confident, tough, and impulsive. This type of behavior comes from someone with low tolerance for frustration, and inclined toward violence. • Passive Bullies: Passive bullies are also called anxious bullies. They rarely provoke others or take the initiative. The passive bully aligns with the more aggressive bully, earning them the label as “follower”.

Other types of bullying: • Racial Bullying • Ethnic minority children are at risk. • Name calling is one of the most commons forms. • Individual taunts, such as fatty, four eyes, and carrot top are also directed toward the family as well as their ethnic groups. • The Community attitude exerts a pervasive influence and may knowingly or unknowingly exhibit racist tendencies.

Sexual Harassment • Sexual harassment is an unwelcome sexual behavior that interferes with an individuals life. • It can be viewed as unwelcome sexual advances, a demand for sexual favors, touching in a sexual way or accusations of homosexuality. • Schools are currently responsible for protecting from harassment based on sex. • The U.S. Office for Civil Rights publishes the legal principles “requiring educational institutions that receive Federal Funds to take reasonable steps to stop harassment when it occurs.

Examples: • Stuart McGregor, a young man who had always dreamed of being a chef, but after he scored a highly sought-after apprenticeship in a kitchen in Bendigo, AU, his dream soon became a nightmare. • The manager of the kitchen was set on making Stuart’s work life a living hell. Gordon Ramsay’s kitchen was Angel’s Paradise compared to what Stuart felt he needed to endure to succeed in the highly competitive restaurant industry. Name-calling, berating and inappropriate remarks about Stuart’s sexuality were just the subtle beginnings of a mounting problem. Just before the end of Stuart’s three-month probation period, he was invited on a camping trip, but declined to go after the manager told him he ”would have blood up [his] arse and grass on [his] knees” if he went on the trip. • He was expected to do things that he hadn’t been taught and made fun of when he wasn’t doing them correctly. When Stuart asked a question about a particular soup recipe, the manager said he had to call the CEO of the company to ask for it. If he didn’t make the phone call he was in trouble, if he did, he was made to look stupid. One incident like this could have been tolerable, but these continual put downs lasted two years and eventually his mental health deteriorated sharply, and he took his life. • Fifteen-year-old Elaine Swiftdied from an overdose of painkillers after a campaign of bullying, harassment and assault which started after she was featured in the media for having donated bone marrow to her younger sister who was suffering from leukemia. Elaine's parents say that they were let down by the LEA who failed to take her allegations seriously. The bullying comprised daily verbal harassment and taunting, and on one occasion a lighted match was thrown into her hair, which caught fire. The situation had become so untenable that Elaine was moved from Brierton School in Hartlepool last year. Head teacher of Brierton School Stuart Priestley stated that his school had a "rigorous anti-bullying policy" and that every incident of bullying that was reported was investigated. Bill Jordon, head teacher at Elaine's new school, Dyke House in Hartlepool, said that he was satisfied with steps taken to deal with bullying claims made by Elaine. Hartlepool's assistant director of education Adrienne Simcock asserted "I am confident that the school has acted properly and taken all the appropriate steps when investigating the claims." Elaine died after an emergency liver transplant failed to reverse the effects of 100 paracetamol tablets taken over a period of a fortnight

Examples con’t: • Phoebe Prince, 15, a recent immigrant from Ireland, settled with her family in South Hadley, Mass., and in 2009 she enrolled at South Hadley High School as a freshman. The trouble seems to have started when Phoebe briefly dated a popular senior football player from her school. This action was deemed insufferable by a group of girls at her school, later dubbed the "Mean Girls" by prosecutors. A group of seven girls launched a vendetta to make it impossible for Phoebe to remain in school. They knocked her books out of her hands, threw things at her, scribbled her face out of photographs on the walls at school, sent her threatening text messages and called her "Irish slut" and "whore" on popular social networking web sites such as Facebook and Twitter. Most of the bullying occurred on school grounds during school and was at times witnessed by a number of faculty and students, who did nothing.Finally, after months of bullying, on January 14, 2010, her tormentors threw a can at Phoebe while she was walking home from school. That was the last straw. She went home and hanged herself. Her sister found her body in the stairwell of their home later that day. Her tormentors continued their harassment of Phoebe even after her death on her Facebook page. According to a parent who wished to remain anonymous to avoid reprisals against her daughter, on the day Phoebe died one of the accused bullies entered "accomplished" as her status on her Facebook page. Administrators say they were unaware of Phoebe's plight until a week before her death when a student entered a classroom and called Phoebe a slut in front of the teacher. Police arrested nine students in connection with Phoebe's death and so far six have been indicted: Kayla Narey, 17, Ashley Longe, 16, Flannery Mullins, 16, Sharon Chanon Velazquez, 16 and two young men: Sean Mulveyhill, 17 and Austin Renaud, 18. Since there are no laws specifically against bullying, prosecutors are relying on a combination of laws dealing with stalking, civil rights and statutory rape. • Jon Carmichael, 13, of Joshua, Texas, was always small for his age and this made him a target for bullies. The extent of the bullying is unclear, though one of his accused bullies, classmate Chris Montelongo, claims that everyone bullied Jon and that deep down he considered Jon to be his friend. On March 28, 2010, Jon hanged himself in his parents' barn, and years of bullying is blamed for his death. One of his classmates recalled an incident in the fall of 2009 when Jon was stuffed into a trash can by some of his classmates. Kate Gowen, a friend of the Carmichael family said, "If there's one positive thing that would come out of this is that kids would learn to treat other kids with respect." Montelongo claims to have received death threats for his role in Jon's death. • Alexis Pilkington, 17, of Suffolk County, N.Y., was a popular student, an athlete and had graduated early with a soccer scholarship to college. This, however, did not make her immune to cyberbullying. Alexis allegedly received cruel and hurtful messages and threats on Facebook. On March 21, 2010, Alexis killed herself, but the cyberbullying continued, even on her memorial page. Her friends found the comments disturbing and reported them to police who are reviewing all posts made to Alexis before and after her death. Interestingly, her parents do not think her suicide was caused by the bullying, but have not proposed an alternate theory.

Jaheem Herrera was having trouble with bullies in school. He complained to his mother, Masika Bermudez, about being called gay, ugly and "the virgin" because he was from the Virgin Islands. Bermudez complained no less than seven times to the school, but nothing was done. Jaheem had asked her to stop intervening since it was not helping. On April 16, 2009, Jaheem came home in a good mood and showed his mother his report card, all A's and B's, she high-fived him. His sister mentioned that he had been called "gay" again and he became upset and went to his room. When he didn't answer, mother and sister went to his room and found he had hanged himself in his closet. In an effort to understand what happened, Bermudez spoke with Jaheem's best friend about what had happened in school that day. She said the friend told her that Jaheem was "tired of complaining, tired of these guys messing with him, tired of talking, I think, to his teachers, counselors, and nobody is doing anything — and the best way out is death. • When Ben Vodden, 11, of Southwater, England, told his mother, Caroline Vodden, on the second day of school at his new school, that he was being bullied on the school bus she suggested he sit next to the driver. Unfortunately, the driver, Brian McCullough, seems to have joined in with the bullies allegedly calling the youngster "Master Bate" and "Billy No Mates". One day in December 2006, Ben came home very upset saying he hated school and saying the "the bus driver had been calling him Master Bate because he was a little wanker and everyone else on the bus had started calling him that too." On December 12, the driver put him off the bus for misbehaving, and his parents received a call from the school. According to his mother, when she pressed him to explain: "He said, 'I won't tell you and I can't tell you' and went to his room." Later, he apologized, returned to his room, cried and hanged himself. • Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover of Springfield, Mass., 11, who did not identify as gay, was taunted daily by schoolmates as being, among other things, gay. His mother, Sirdeaner L. Walker, complained to the school, but it did no good. On April 6, 2009, as she was preparing to attend another meeting to confront school officials about the ruthless taunting her son was receiving from other students, she found him hanged by an extension cord in the family's home. • Eric Mohat,17, was known to his friends as "Twiggy" because of his slender, 6 foot 1 inch, 112 pound build. Unfortunately, this notable physique, coupled with his nonconformist dress and theatricality drew the attention of school bullies, who physically and verbally harassed Mohat relentlessly throughout his junior year, especially in his math class, in which he was shoved, pelted with spitballs and his glasses were taken from him and broken. Mohat complained to his teachers, who had the bullies' desks moved away from him, but the abuse continued. Finally, in March 2007, after one of his tormentors invited him to "go home and shoot yourself," Mohat did exactly that, fatally shooting himself in his bedroom, the third of four suicides in his class at Mentor High. Mohat's parents are now bringing suit against the Mentor, Ohio, school district alleging that negligence in the school's anti-bullying program contributed to the suicides.

Problems with Today’s Prevention Programs: • The school’s are not disciplining the negative behavior associated with Bullying • In most cases, the victim is assumed to be a part of the problem, and therefore not protected. • Those policing the rules preventing Bullying are not trustworthy in the eyes of the student’s. • While most schools say they have a program not everyone important to the program is aware of it. • Teachers, Administrator’s want to make light of it. Example, 15 year old, teenager, who went to her Guidance Counselor after being called fat by a male peer, was told by the Counselor that maybe the boy was having a bad day.

Problem’s con’t: • Not everyone believes in the program. • School’s are trying to get by-stander’s to report what they see. • In some schools rewards are offered to those who come to the administration and tell on someone. • Parent’s are often left out of the loop and may never be told. • School District’s are trying but the teacher’s are in some cases the bullies. • Some teacher’s believe dealing with Bullying is a nucense and extra paper work.

What can be done about Bulling? • The age-old problem of young people treating each other badly has taken on fresh resonance in recent weeks, focused particularly on a spate of suicides by gay teens -- including 18-year-old Rutgers University student Tyler Clementi -- who had been victims of bullying behavior. President Obama made a video for the "It Gets Better“ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geyAFbSDPVk&feature=player_detailpage). YouTube series assuring young gays of a brighter future, and the Department of Education sent a memo to schools around the nation reminding them of their legal obligation to protect their students.

Things that we can do* Create a peer environment that sanctions against, rather than ignores or condones, the kinds of continuing hurtful actions that occur in bully/victim relationships. * Take into account the fact that many factors help to maintain the bully/victim relationship, therefore the most successful interventions take place simultaneously at the individual, dyad, peer, classroom, school and family levels. • Raise parental awareness. * Parent-teacher conferences * Parent newsletters * PTA meetings • Making parent’s a part of the solution

What will the policy consist of? * Raising awareness through the curriculum * Giving pupils opportunities to talk about bullying in general * Supervision of key areas of the school * procedures for investigating incidents * guidelines for listening to victims, witnesses and bullies • Who is going to do what ? * Can you identify specific responsibilities for specific people: teachers, pupils, parents, and staff? * How are you going to communicate the policy to all concerned? * How will people be encouraged to be committed to the policy? * Can you involve the school board, teaching/non-teaching staff, pupils and others in discussions?

What can parents of the victim do? • If you know or suspect your child is being bullied, but his school hasn't communicated with you about the situation, you should contact your child's teacher(s) right away. Keep in mind that your primary goal should be to get the school's cooperation to get the bullying to stop. Knowing your own child is being victimized can evoke strong feelings, but you'll get much more cooperation from school personnel if you can stick to the facts without becoming overly emotional. While you may want assurance that everyone involved is punished severely, try to focus on putting an end to the bullying!

Parents can play a central role to preventing bullying and stopping it when it happens. Here are a few things you can do. • Teach kids to solve problems without using violence and praise them when they do. • Give children positive feedback when they behave well to help their build self-esteem. Help give them the self-confidence to stand up for what they believe in. • Ask your children about their day and listen to them talk about school, social events, their classmates, and any problems they have. • Take bullying seriously. Many kids are embarrassed to say they have been bullied. You may only have one chance to step in and help. • If you see any bullying, stop it right away, even if your child is the one doing the bullying. • Encourage your child to help others who need it. • Don't bully your children or bully others in front of them. Many times kids who are bullied at home react by bullying other kids. If your children see you hit, ridicule, or gossip about someone else, they are also more likely to-do so themselves. • Support bully prevention programs in your child's school. If your school doesn't have one, consider starting one with other parents, teachers, and concerned adults.

The victim: signs and symptoms • A child who is a victim of bullying may display one or more of the following behaviors at home*: • Comes home from school with clothing that's torn or in disarray, or with damaged books. • Has bruises, cuts, and scratches, but can't give a logical explanation for how he got them. • Appears afraid or reluctant to go to school in the morning, complaining repeatedly of headaches or stomach pains. • Chooses an "illogical" route for going to and from school. • Has bad dreams or cries in his sleep. • Loses interest in school work, and his grades suffer. If your child normally struggles in school because of a learning disability and is teased about having Learning Disabilities, school may become unbearable for him. • Appears sad or depressed, or shows unexpected mood shifts, irritability, and sudden outbursts of temper. • Requests money from you to meet the bully's demands and might even resort to stealing money from you or other family members. • Seems socially isolated, with few — if any — real friends; is rarely invited to parties or to the homes of other kids. His fear of rejection may lead him to shun others.

The bully: signs and symptoms • A youngster who is bullying other kids may display one or more of the following behaviors at home*: • Has a strong need to dominate and subdue others; asserts himself with power and threats to get his own way. • Intimidates his siblings or kids in the neighborhood. • Brags about his actual or imagined superiority over other kids. • Is hot-tempered, easily angered, impulsive, and has low frustration tolerance. Has difficulty conforming to rules and tolerating adversities and delays. If he has the impulsive/hyperactive type of AD/HD, that could explain some of these behaviors; if so, it's important to work with his doctor and teachers to address and manage such behaviors. • Cheating • Oppositional, defiant, and aggressive behavior toward adults, including teachers and parents. • Antisocial or criminal behavior (such as stealing or vandalism), often at a relatively early age. He may hang out with the "wrong crowd.” *Adapted from Bullying at School

It’s not just in school

Bullying … Why does it still exist in 2011??