Postvention to Suicide and creating a balance

1. Postvention to Suicide and creating a balance Companions on a Journey Sheila Munafo-Kanoza, Founder and Executive Director www.companionsonajourney.org

2. The Spiral of Grief

3. How do WE react when someone WE love dies?

4. Physical Responses • Tightness in the throat and heaviness in the chest • Crying at unexpected times • Sensing the loved one’s presence, like finding themselves expecting the person to walk in the door, hearing their voice or seeing their face • An empty feeling in our stomachs or a loss of appetite

5. Cognitive Responses • Feeling restless and looking for activity; may find it difficult to concentrate • Wandering aimlessly, being forgetful or failing to finish things • Having difficulty sleeping and dreaming of our loved one

6. Emotional Responses • Feeling guilty at times and angry at others or the loved one who ‘left’ • Feeling as though the loss isn’t real, that it didn’t happen • Feeling guilty or angry over things that happen or didn’t happen in the relationship with the deceased • Noticing mood changes over the slightest things • Feeling the need to take care of other people who seem uncomfortable around us, by politely avoiding any discussion of their feelings of loss • The need and desire to tell, re-tell and remember things about our loved one and the experience of their death

7. These are all normal grief responses. It is important to cry when prompted and to share your feelings with others. If you’re concerned or worried about your personal reactions to grief, please seek counseling.

8. How to Support a Person Bereaved by Suicide

9. Important Considerations • Many people bereaved by suicide feel alone and isolated • The silence that surrounds the issue of suicide can complicate the experience • Because of the social stigma surrounding suicide, people feel the pain of the loss, yet may not believe they are allowed to express it • Maintaining a strong social support network is important. Grief is challenging and a network of friends and family can make it much easier

10. What Grieving Teens Need… • Someone to listen to them • Non-judgmental support • An opportunity to tell the story over and over again • A safe and supportive environment • To be able to express their grief in their own way • To share in their family’s grief process • It’s important to meet teens on their ‘turf.’

11. What To Say • Don’t avoid the subject of suicide. This can create a barrier, making it hard for them to discuss personal issues later. • Avoid simplistic explanations for the suicide. Suicide is very complex and there are usually many contributing factors. • Listen and hear their experience. • Be truthful, honest and aware of your limitations: acknowledge if you don’t understand or know how to react to what they are going through. • Say the name of the person who has died and talk about them. Not saying their name can leave the bereaved feeling as though the one who died is being forgotten or dismissed. • Ask "How are you getting along?" and then really listen to the response. Stay and hear and try to understand. Allow the person to say whatever they need however difficult and complex it is.

12. See This ChildBy: Jackie Rogers See this child before you wounded vulnerable changed ..... the child of yesterday gone forever. Who will really look at this child? Is it easier to assume he will emerge unscathed than to face the turmoil with him? Who will step into the road before this child………. Who will open doors that this child cannot see through his pain? Who will listen to what this child is really saying when he is belligerent when he is too shy to speak when his laughter masks his fears? Who will help this child to recognize his successes and give him the courage to step beyond his failures with dignity? Who will be with this child on the other side of healing as he recognizes his growth and acceptance? laden with mountains and valleys, potholes and detours? Who will walk a bit of his journey with him? Who will offer some temporary shelter from the storms that rage around and within this child?