Utilizing Gentle Teaching with Children and Their Families

1. Utilizing Gentle Teaching with Children and Their Families Creating a Culture of Gentleness for Children

2. What is the role of parents?

3. Attachment Cycles1st Year  Need  Relaxation of tension (trust) Trust of Caretaking State of high arousal (rage)   Satisfaction of need (gratification)

4. Attachment Cycles2nd Year  Wants  Mutual good feelings Trust of Control Appropriate limits   Acceptance of limits

5. Unmet Developmental Needs • The inability to self-soothe • The lack of empathy • Poor impulse control

6. Core Values

7. What Gets in the Way?

8. Disabilities • Physical • Developmental • Mental Illness

9. Attachment Disorders Behavioral manifestations in children include: • Opposition • Control • Jealousy • Stealing • Anger/Rage

10. Trauma • Recurrent and severe physical abuse • Recurrent and severe emotional abuse • Sexual abuse • Factors affecting how a child responds to trauma: • Child’s relationship to the victim/perpetrator • Child’s past experience with trauma

11. Loss and Grief • Parents • Other family • Trusted caregivers

12. Parental Issues • Divorce • Poverty • Mental Illness

13. Stressful Interactions • Restrictions • Punishments • Social Isolation • Shaming

14. Gentle TeachingorJust Good Parenting?

15. Gentle Teaching Means • Warm words, loving and soft touches • Staying with those who are fearful • Doing things for those who will not or cannot • Being peaceful in the face of violence

16. Gentle Teaching Does Not Mean • Fixing and focusing on behaviors/ symptoms • Letting the other do whatever they want • Focusing on tasks • Focusing on differences

17. Support Strategies • Be soft, slow and gentle • Do things for the person • Draw the person into activities with you • Always be ready to help or back off • Express warmth throughout • Focus on the relationship • Honor the person

18. Support Strategies • Provide predictable daily routines • Use of schedules • Introduce changes via the schedule • Consistent sleep routines • Regular, healthy meals and snacks • Physical activity • Sensitivity to health issues

19. Support Strategies • Give messages of safety and love • Empathize and validate feelings • Identify early signs that the child is feeling scared or insecure

20. Support Strategies • Know your child’s developmental level and keep expectations in accordance • Offer choices – be cautious about offering too many • Keep promises

21. Avoid • Only reacting to frustrations and fears rather than their prevention • Focusing on independence vs. interdependence • Teaching a lesson • Raising one’s voice

22. Avoid • Saying or implying “I’m the boss” • Insisting on having the last word • Using tense body language • Preaching • Overwhelming the child physically or verbally

23. Avoid • Using sarcasm • Arguing • Trying to reason when the child is agitated • Talking about the child vs. talking to the child

24. When Meltdowns Occur • Not an optimal time to teach • We’re going to do something else • Gaining control is not the goal • Focusing on the problem can be risky • Safety, security and dignity are the first considerations • When you are at Worst, I need to be At my best!

25. When I am at my worst, you need to be at your best!

26. “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I'm out of control and at times hard to handle, “

27. “but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

28. “Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.”Kahil Gibran

29. QUESTIONS??

30. Sheena Gorecki, Ph.D. Director of Children’s Services MORC, Inc. sheena.gorecki@morcinc.org (586) 263-8973 • Diane Lindsay, Ed.S. Director of Clinical Operations MORC, Inc. diane.lindsay@morcinc.org (586) 263-8919