What Will e podryw pl Be Like in 100 Years?

1. I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Still, no response. It definitely was not my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I found out later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal plan." The meal plan, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when women go on dates with men just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone on until there: all 37 dates to be exact. Of course at first I was outraged. How could women take advantage of me like that? As I matured in my online dating, however, I realized that this was actually a response for what men do to women. There are three major levers in our lives that, if we pull them properly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation. I learned this first hand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I stopped the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend who I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating newcomer. I was depressed. I was scared. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a little voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you're not. You're going to kick online dating's ass!" I began to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I started creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the entire process I chose to learn online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so you can not just get dates, but maybe find the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process may need to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from dating and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be much more likely to enjoy the procedure. And, if you are diligent, you may end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 years and we've moved in

2. together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that crazy, but maybe they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Listen to the Modern Dating Show Podcast for more tips, tricks, and embarrassingly real stories. Notice: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I pay a whole lot of these strategies as we browse the current struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship trip (and answer listener questions). The absolute most frequent mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their goal clearly. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we are searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario I've found is that both men and women who are looking for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She is an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating site. Basically, so as to optimize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photographs. Now I would like to be clear, there's nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" photos online. The issue, in the event of dating, is the arrangement of a relationship and what you contribute with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual clues much faster than written clues. In actuality, they've found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information aside from the profile photograph before a user clicks, resulting in provocative photos sets a poor first impression. So, while it's totally fine to have sexy photos up on your instagram, leading together on your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong sort of guy. There are also plenty of classy ways to have intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind. Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photos were only sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox. For men, we tend to have the opposite issue. Every guy who has done online dating will testify to the struggle of getting a woman to swipe right in their profile, let alone to make them participate in a conversation. Guys, this is entirely your fault. I've seen men spend hours talking about the statistics of their favourite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, and even how financial reports will effect the team's chances.

3. But, when it comes to online dating, men tend to slap a few pictures on their profile and then start swiping like orangutans till their palms develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to attain. Are you trying to date a great deal of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I'll outline below work for either desired outcome, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months later that, while it is great to go on a great deal of dates and get practice dating (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I had been dating the right folks. Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal plans" STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it is projected that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make up our mind about whether we like the person in less than one second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They don't get to hear you talk. They do not get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is one picture and there's a 99% chance it's the wrong one. If a person is coming online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to check is the profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of these said that my first picture wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't sure how I could test numerous pictures considering I could only put one as the default option. The answer: testing across programs. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I kept my profile description the same on every profile, but I put up another profile image on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles until I could get a large enough sample size and be sure that the platform wasn't effecting

4. results. Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a picture I didn't read into, pic B, was actually a massive turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they answered,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found this out, because the two girls in that photo are actually good friends of mineso that I never would have made this connection. Sometimes your photos can be your biggest blind spot. To completely test out this idea, I really enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super simple optimization that can look like a pain today, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20% of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often. Top Tip: If you want to speed up this process, you can actually ask your games exactly what they think of your pictures. If a conversation with a match wasn't going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself" Now, part of the error might be my fault, since I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wished to act. This turned out to be a horrible idea. With no filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed more than a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I've come to realize that there's a difference between being your total self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our total selves except when we are by ourselves. Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we

5. actively choose which signals to give to other people. A guy wearing a button up shirt, for example, is not always wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the sign that he's wealthy. Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she does not want to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is indicating that he's okay with subsequent convention. In college I met a girl at a party who immediately caught my eye. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked really cute. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the entire party dancing and flirting. We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck. Initially I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. I was that man. I didn't really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a signal at the party did not match her personality in any way. We ended the date cordially and proceeded on. Signals matter. Choosing your signals is great, but picking false signals not so much. You do not want to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you don't need to let them know about the way you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You need to tell them about the way you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't need to tell them about how you ran over your cat. Crafting a good description is perhaps the toughest and personal piece of improving your online dating profile. There is absolutely no right answer, but there are definitely some wrong answers. The first step to having a great dating profile description is using a very clear structure. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 components:

6. Headline: A short sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A bit longer description that provides some colour to your interests and personality. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something you two can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you don't want men messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social media sites: fast and without much thought. It could be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar manner. Due to this, I think the headline is possibly the most crucial bit of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: The goal of the headline is to give a quick snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the individual who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. It is likely that they'll laugh at the question. As any solid content marketer knows, terrific content is about respecting the medium that you're creating the content for. By way of example, if I went up to a woman in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she will definitely get up and leave. The opposite is true for online relationship, however. You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and make sure that it is quintessentially you. The Intro Paragraph Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you can start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to write a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your headline and picture being the first two. The intro paragraph gives a small amount of color and possibly some talking points that you can talk about in conversation (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to add if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outdoors as much as you can! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I really like learning about new and businesses ideas. I am into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe"

7. This paragraph outlines a few basic hobbies and activities I enjoy and some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anybody. I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I like hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I am sure that there are people on earth who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of those people in your area enjoy those things too. Rather than trying to fit in, attempt to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to find common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For example in my description above: -- Most people like jak zacząć rozmowę przez internet being outside and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about businesses or Tim Ferriss. The Call To Action This is optional, although it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they have viewed your content. In relationship, you basically need the person to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I've found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making first contact. I've heard countless stories of girls who have paired with a man who they really enjoy, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they don't want to seem desperate. The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you. But, obviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have an individual section that says:

8. Again, as with this advice, when in doubt just test it out. Try having a call to action and see if your conversations improve. If they don't, just delete it. The attractiveness of dating programs is that instead of having 1--5 chances to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a bar for example, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making first talking and contact where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you are trying to begin a new relationship. For starters, it's a really unnatural method of communicating, because it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It makes sense then that when you take millions of people and put them in an unnatural communication environment you get some pretty unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online dating, then it's a fantastic idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the chance to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply wouldn't have been able to see if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a good opener from a poor one. For bonus points, try to order them from most effective to least effective. How's it going?" How was your weekend?" (or any other variation of this type of question). D) "Hey! (based on a book they listed in their profile) I will let you think about it for a second. (I'll add some distance before the answer below. Scroll as soon as you're ready.) Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer And the answer is...

9. If you guessed D, then you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the replies are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found that the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that clearly depends if they've put a book in their profile. You can modify this to ask about some other part of their profile, such as a movie or a location in their pictures. The reason why I guess that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it shows that you read. If I may use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? (This is how I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and went past a few messages. The next best option,"Hey! Works almost as well, but it's obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday). This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it is because it sounds too much like I'm about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and another person has responded, it is time to have a dialogue. Every dialog changes, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as hints. First, some online dating tips for men: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation like you want a friend. DO attempt to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own thoughts. One of the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Make sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You're..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I have tried to be nice and friendly, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they normally have no clue what they are doing, so offer them some help and direct the dialogue in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you're tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then make sure that you ask the guy about things he's interested in also. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women tend to put a good deal more thought in their text

10. messages than men do. If a man says something that looks weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he didn't either. Now a proposal for both parties: Attempt to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a great tool to fulfill someone, but it is just that. It's a tool, it is not actual dating. My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. So, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too if you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online portion of dating, I soon realized that procuring the date is just half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your house. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. Where you have your date decides about 50--70 percent of the results of the date. But a question... Where is the worst place to have a date? As it happens, it's actually at the most commonly selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. But remember, I was completely new to dating so I was just following what I had seen in movies. Many of them didn't go well, but I wasn't certain why. After a dozen or so awkward (and expensive) dates, I decided that I need to experiment with some other locations. What occurred next was totally mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates improved tremendously. It was not I was doing anything differently or that I was choosing better girls to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a desk. You begin talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You are not ready to order because you have been talking. The waiter provides you"another moment." You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You talk and talk. You then run out of things to talk about. What should you do next? You need to keep talking.

11. A dinner date provides no choices. It is a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost immediately. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at getting in-person conversations. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- person communication skills. So, if we are getting worse at having in-person discussions, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the ground like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a good bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp shock of the rope on my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it turns out, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope just as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't grab the rope until I had fallen 15 feet to what I was certain was my forthcoming death. Finally the rope finally stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically. My entire dating profession made a 180-degree turn once I started carrying my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between. Some of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most crucial elements to a wonderful date spot could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is shifting so that you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Activity -- Can we both do the activity reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one pretty wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but make sure it is not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing? Make sure she is not afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date increase or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! No chemistry? No problem, how can we end the date earlier? Using these three criteria, I crafted a three date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on. I know what you are thinking,"This guy took women out to the same areas like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to order, but, based on interests, I'd substitute unique activities to keep the dates interesting. This was simply a template that simplified my choices and decreased the cognitive load I was putting in my brain. Happy brain = Happy dates.

12. So here is my perfect dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday by the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food preferences. Then (if you are a man ) you've got to account for cost of food. Off the grid accomplishes this since there are over 20 distinct kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. It is possible to extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Queue the awkward white- boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, namely: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between activity and talking. Why I like it: This date was especially important because if a woman had made it #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal occasion so we can both dress nicely for that particular night. This was also my secret test because if a woman didn't like facts and science it likely wouldn't work out between us anyway. As an added bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the evening. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to look for on each date as you try to make your own dating sequence: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for good conversation. Make certain that you can reliably go to this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Ensure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you've both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you'll both like that is not too tricky. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is fantastic for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limits. Date #3: You confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you both really are, and it ought to confirm whether or not you want to keep on seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you choose gives new intimacy to the connection. For example, if I didn't go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right maybe among the most important pieces of the internet dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is time. Assuming the man is the one forcing the relationship sequence (which is not necessarily the case) there are a few questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? When should you go for the kiss? When should you sleep together?

13. Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your comfort your answers may vary. The main thing is to actually think about timing, as opposed to leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It is very easy to let a great online conversation die out. You message , she messages you, back and forth, back and forth. To be able to make certain that I do not waste all my time with online conversations I found that it was best to ask a woman to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of this virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it is quite easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, functioning as"the new man" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would use their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi-million dollar accounts. One thing that I discovered is that every time they were ending a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week after that?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" another meeting to the calendar with the option of cancelling if desired. Once I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always ask for the second date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting a lot of uncertainty. No one likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals do not mind if you do not like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion would be to stop playing games, both with the other person and with yourself. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them that you are not ready to date at this time. I had a girl tell me and it was the simplest let down I've ever experienced and utilized it later myself too). I must pause here for a single caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day.

14. Stop Chasing Shadows When I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He told me,"Girls are like shadows, the more you chase them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the more they pursue you." If you find someone who you would like to be with really badly, do not frighten them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively try to set up a date, but there is no reason to go on dates every single night of the week. Permit the relationship to get some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There's a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific evidence for it as well. In several studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing call patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that people will also invest more effort into relationships if there is a probability of that relationship weakening. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, ironically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for relationship that I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- factor This arrangement meant that I would spread out the first 3 dates across a one month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the relationship to grow and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was particularly helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps

15. As I mentioned at the start of the post, these relationship strategies helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may have to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from relationship. In fact, because relationship is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it's vital to have a system set up to help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to just jump and continue. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less extreme rides will allow you to enjoy the ride a whole lot more. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and only make your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the help of world wide investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and decrease your chance of catastrophic failure. A means of doing this is by going on dates which are not only sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your dating partner behaves, at least you will have a fantastic time doing something fun. And, to minimize the risk, you need to build both an outreach and relationship sequence so that you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you enjoy doing and then fit the dates into those activities. This is also a wonderful way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term. Of course, regardless of how well I did all the above items, I still had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal plan being just one of many. Dating is a rollercoaster that will frighten you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But remember, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You're not as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are." Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your discussions, your dates, and your relationship with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed this post, I would super love if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more folks can discover it. And, if you've any more questions about dating, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the show.