The Best Advice You Could Ever Get About e.podryw

1. I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me directly in the eyes and smiled. Again, I looked at her and then looked at the bill. Still, no response. It definitely was not my best moment, but it was not hers either. Apparently, as I discovered afterwards, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal plan." The meal program, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when women go on dates with guys just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she certainly fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone on until there: all 37 dates to be precise. Of course at first I was outraged. How could women take advantage of me like this? As I matured in my online relationship, however, I understood that this was really a response for what men do to women. Online dating sucks, but... There are 3 major levers in our lives which, if we pull them properly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation. I learned this firsthand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at once. I stopped the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and relationship novice. I was depressed. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a small voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you are not. You are going to kick online dating's ass!" I began to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I started creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I'll take you through the whole process I took to learn online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so that you can not just get dates, but possibly discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may need to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from dating and treat it like an experiment.

2. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet fascinating people and do interesting things," you will be more inclined to enjoy the procedure. And, if you are diligent, you might end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 years and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that mad, but maybe they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Listen to the Modern Dating Show Podcast for more tips, tricks, and embarrassingly real stories. Notice: You can also hear the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I pay a whole lot of these approaches as we browse the present struggles and embarrassments of his own dating journey (and answer listener questions). The complete most common error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their goal obviously. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we're looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario I've discovered is that both men and women who are searching for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their relationship for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. In less than 5 seconds I saw the problem. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating site. Basically, in order to maximize for receiving dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photos. Now I want to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" pictures online. The issue, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a relationship and what you contribute with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual clues much faster than written hints. In fact, they've found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles hide most information aside from the profile photograph until a user clicks, leading with provocative photographs sets a bad first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up in your instagram, leading with them on your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong sort of guy. There are also lots of classy ways to possess interesting pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind.

3. Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was attempting to locate a relationship, her photographs were only sending signals that she's looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 For men, we tend to have the opposite issue. Every man who has done online dating will testify to the battle of getting a woman to swipe directly in their profile, let alone to make them engage in a conversation. Men, this is completely your fault. I've seen men spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will influence the team's chances. However, when it comes to online dating, men have a tendency to slap a few pictures in their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans until their palms develop calluses. Guys, stop. Before you start creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to attain. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you trying to find a meaningful relationship? And"both" is not an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I'll outline below work for either desired outcome, but the choices you make will significantly affect your"conversion" rate. By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a great deal of dates (3-- 4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I only realized months after that, while it's good to go on a lot of dates and get practice relationship (remember I had been off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I was dating the right folks. Fortunately I realized this before I had been the victim of some more"meal programs " STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it's estimated that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make our mind up about if we like the person in less than one second. The single biggest http://jaredmxje130.raidersfanteamshop.com/the-worst-videos-of-all-time-about-jak- rozpoczac-rozmowe-z-dziewczyna-na-fb flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image. They don't get to hear you talk. They don't get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it is a thing).

4. All you get is 1 picture and there's a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If a person is approaching online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to check is your profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way... I went to every female friend I knew and asked her what she thought of my photos. One hundred, and I mean 100% of these said that my first image wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not sure how I could test multiple pictures considering that I could only put one as the default option. The response: testing across apps. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr. I retained my profile description the exact same on each profile, but I set up a different profile image on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles before I could find a big enough sample size and make certain that the platform was not effecting results. Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture which I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches. Interestingly enough, a film that I didn't read much into, pic B, was actually a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they answered,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found this out, because the two girls in that photo are actually good friends of mineso I never would have made this connection. Sometimes your photos can be your biggest blind spot. To completely test this idea out, I really enrolled a few friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change their profile pictures. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super easy optimization that can look like a pain today, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often. Top Tip: If you want to speed this process up, you can actually ask your matches exactly what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a match wasn't going well, I decided to get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.) In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me perhaps the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself."

5. Now, part of this error may be my fault, because I took his advice quite literally. I began to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wanted to act. This turned out to be a very bad idea. Without any filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I have matured a bit, I have come to realize that there's a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our total selves except when we are by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signs to give to other people. A man wearing a button up shirt, as an example, is not always wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the signal that he is wealthy. Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is signaling that he is okay with following convention. In college I met a girl at a party who immediately caught my eye. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the whole party dancing and flirting. We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. At first I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. I was that man. I didn't care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized that we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a signal at the party didn't match her personality at all. We finished the date cordially and moved on. Signals matter. Choosing your signs is good, but choosing false signals not so much.

6. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You do not want to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You want to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you don't need to let them know about the way you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You want to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not need to let them know about how you ran over your cat. Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the toughest and personal piece of enhancing your online dating profile. There's no right answer, but there are some incorrect answers. The first step to having a great dating profile description is having a very clear structure. I break down a dating profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A brief sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some color to your interests and character. Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something you can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you do not want guys messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating apps the way they surf social media sites: quickly and without much thought. It might be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar manner. Due to this, I think the headline is perhaps the most crucial bit of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: The goal of the headline is to provide a fast snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and short functions like a stop sign for the person who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. Chances are they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, great content is all about respecting the medium that you're creating the content for. For example, if I went up to a girl in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she will definitely get up and leave. The reverse is true for online dating, however. You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and be certain it is quintessentially you. Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you should begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to write a book about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your picture and headline being the first two. The intro paragraph provides a little bit of color and perhaps some talking points that you two can talk about in

7. chat (again, ladies, this is extremely important to include if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as you can! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I love learning about businesses and new ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My perfect Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe." This paragraph outlines a couple of basic activities and hobbies I like as well as some non-standard items like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anyone. I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I like hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I am sure there are people on earth who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of the folks in your area enjoy both those things too. As opposed to attempting to fit in, attempt to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to discover common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For instance in my description above: -- Most people like being outdoors and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. This is optional, although it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In relationship, you essentially want the individual to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I've found that a whole lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making initial contact. I've heard countless stories of girls who have paired with a man who they really enjoy, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they don't want to appear desperate. Butobviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have an individual section that states: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other internet dating apps too.

8. My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you're an interesting person who likes to play outside." Again, as with all this advice, when in doubt just test it out. Try having a call to action and see if your conversations improve. If they don't, simply delete it. The beauty of dating apps is that rather than having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a bar for instance, you have thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making first talking and contact where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it comes to the conversation. Having to chat online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you're trying to begin a new relationship. For one thing, it is a very unnatural way of communicating, since it's been proven that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication. It makes sense then that when you take countless people and put them in a supernatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it might be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a good relationship through online relationship, then it is a fantastic idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the chance to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply would not have been able to determine if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I will spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us test how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a bad one. QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best? A) "Hey! What is it going?" How was your weekend?" C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or any other variation of this type of question). (based on a book they listed in their profile) I'll let you think about it for a second. (I will add some space before the reply below. Scroll as soon as you're ready.) Scroll for the answer

9. Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response And the answer is... If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the answers are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found that the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that clearly depends if they have put a book in their profile. You can modify this to ask about some other part of their profile, like a picture or a location in their own pictures. The reason I guess the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I can use the book opener to initiate a conversation I usually also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? (This is how I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and moved past a few messages. The next best option,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works almost as well, but it is obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday). This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it is because it seems too much like I'm about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and another person has responded, it is time to have a dialogue. Every dialog changes, but there are a few guidelines that I will put in here as hints. First, some online dating suggestions for guys: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation just like you want a friend. DO try to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own ideas. Among the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You are..." will only result in a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation.

10. Now, a few online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I have tried to be friendly and nice, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much guys pretend they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they normally have no clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and guide the conversation in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you are tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then be certain that you ask the guy about things he is interested in also. DON'T make judgments too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to place a lot more thought in their text messages than men do. If a guy says something that seems weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a suggestion for the two parties: Attempt to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a great tool to fulfill someone, but it's just that. It is a tool, it is not actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. Thus, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get them off quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too in case you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online portion of dating, I soon realized that procuring the date is only half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well the date goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your residence. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. In which you have your date decides about 50--70% of the results of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date? As it happens, it's actually at the most commonly selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. But bear in mind, I was completely new to dating so I was just following what I had seen in movies. Many of them did not go well, but I was not certain why. After a dozen or so awkward (and expensive) dates, I decided that I should experiment with several other locations. What occurred next was totally mind blowing.

11. It was not I was doing anything differently or that I was picking better girls to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You sit down at a desk. You begin speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You're not ready to order since you have been talking. The waiter gives you"another moment." You examine the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You continue talking. Then you run out of things to discuss. What should you do next? You need to keep talking. A dinner date provides no options. It is a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost instantly. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that most of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- house communication abilities. So, if we're getting worse at getting in-person conversations, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the ground like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a good bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp shock of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it turns out, my climbing partner had let go of the rope just as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't catch the rope until I had dropped 15 feet to what I was certain was my forthcoming death. Finally the rope eventually stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically. My whole dating profession made a 180-degree turn when I began taking my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. Some of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most crucial elements to a great date spot could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your scenery is changing so that you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Activity -- Can we both do the action reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one fairly wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but be sure it's not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she is not afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! No chemistry? No problem, how can we end the date earlier? With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on.

12. Now I know what you're thinking,"This guy took women out to the very same areas like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" This was my go-to sequence, but, depending on interests, I'd substitute different activities to keep the dates interesting. This was simply a template that simplified my choices and reduced the cognitive load I was putting on my mind. So here is my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday by the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food preferences. Then (if you're a guy) you've got to account for cost of food. Off the grid accomplishes this because there are over 20 different kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also lets you walk around, people watch, and get drinks. Feel like going all out? Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a few go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between talking and activity. If we did a picnic on the shore, we could go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night in the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can catch drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a girl had made it #3, it meant I actually liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal event so we could both dress well for that special night. This was also my secret test because if a woman didn't like science and facts it likely would not work out between us anyway. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few tips on what to search for on every date as you attempt to create your own dating arrangement: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for good conversation. Make certain that you can reliably visit this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Make sure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You've broken the ice and you have both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you will both like that isn't too tricky. Avoid intimidating activities like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is fantastic for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations. Date #3: You confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a bit more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you both really are, and it

13. should confirm whether or not you want to keep on seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates one and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you choose gives new intimacy to the connection. By way of example, if I did not visit the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe among the most crucial pieces of the online dating mystery that I see guys screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the guy is the one driving the dating sequence (which isn't always the case) there are some questions you will need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually consider timing, as opposed to leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It is quite easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message her, she messages youback and forth, back and forth. In order to make sure that I do not waste all my time with online conversations I found it was best to ask a woman to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of this virtual world too long. It might feel like it's necessary, but it is very easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, functioning as"the new man" at a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff. One thing that I noticed is that each and every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no good also. Okay how about the week after that?" No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting into the calendar with the choice of cancelling if desired. Once I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to a pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always ask for the second date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting a lot of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to look at their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals don't mind if you do not like them, they just want to know. So my suggestion is to stop playing games, both with the other person and with yourself. If you like them, tell them you like them.

14. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you do not. (A gentle way to do this is by telling them that you aren't ready to date right now. I had a girl tell me this and it was the simplest let down I have ever experienced and used it later myself too). I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to constantly text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. He told me,"Girls are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the more they pursue you." If you find someone who you would like to be with really poorly, do not frighten them away by being obsessive. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously try to set up a date, but there's no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week. Permit the relationship to get some breathing room. A good way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa. There's a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it as well. In several studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the people in that connection have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans. By data mining cell phone records and comparing call patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that humans may also invest more effort into relationships if there is a probability of that relationship weakening. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, paradoxically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for dating I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- factor This arrangement meant that I would spread out the first 3 dates across a one month period. This allowed for

15. enough time for the connection to grow and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of the post, these dating approaches helped me tremendously, but based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your procedure may need to be different than the one above. In fact, because relationship is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it is imperative to have a system set up that will help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply jump and continue. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less intense rides can help you enjoy the ride a whole lot more. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, even when you let go of expectations and just create your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Similar to the help of world wide investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and decrease your risk of catastrophic failure. A means of doing that is by going on dates that aren't only sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your relationship partner behaves, at least you'll have a fantastic time doing something interesting. And, to decrease the risk, you should build both an outreach and dating sequence so that you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then match the dates into these activities. This is also a wonderful way to filter out people who aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run. Naturally, regardless of how well I did all the above items, I still had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal program being just one of many. But remember, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You're not as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more folks can find it. And, if you have any more questions about dating, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.