przykładowe rozpoczęcia rozmów na tinderze: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

1. I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me directly in the eyes and smiled. Again, I looked at her and then looked at the bill. Still, no reply. At that moment I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I discovered afterwards, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal program." The meal plan, if you're not familiar with it, is when women go on dates with men just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone until there: all 37 dates to be exact. How could women take advantage of me like this? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first place. As I matured in my internet dating, however, I realized that this was actually a response for what men do to women. There are three significant levers in our lives that, if we pull on them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation. I learned this first hand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I stopped the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and relationship novice. I was scared. I was scarred. And then, for some unknown

2. reason, my ambitious gene activated and a little voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you are not. You're going to kick online dating's ass!" I began to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I started creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the whole process I took to master online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so that you can not just get dates, but possibly find the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may need to be different than the under. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be more inclined to enjoy the process. And, if you are diligent, you may end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that crazy, but perhaps they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Note: You can also hear the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these approaches as we navigate the current struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship journey (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The complete most common mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their target obviously. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we're looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario that I've found is that both men and women that are searching for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their relationship for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. In less than 5 seconds I saw the problem. Basically, so as to optimize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photos. Now I want to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" pictures online. The issue, in the event of dating, is the arrangement of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual clues much faster than written hints. In fact, they have found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles hide most information aside from the profile photo before a user clicks, leading with provocative photos sets a bad first impression.

3. So, while it is totally fine to have sexy photos up in your instagram, leading together in your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong sort of guy. Additionally, there are lots of classy ways to possess intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind. Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was trying to locate a relationship, her photographs were sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 For men, we tend to have the opposite issue. Every man who has done online dating will testify to the battle of getting a girl to swipe directly on their profile, let alone to make them participate in a conversation. Guys, this is entirely your own fault. I've seen guys spend hours talking about the statistics of their favourite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, and even how financial reports will effect the team's chances. But, when it comes to online dating, guys have a tendency to slap a few pictures on their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans until their fingers develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to attain. Are you trying to date a great deal of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I'll outline below work for either desired outcome, but the choices you make will significantly affect your"conversion" rate. By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months after that, while it's good to go on a lot of dates and get practice dating (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I was dating the perfect people. Fortunately I realized this before I had been the victim of any more"meal programs " STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions First impressions matter.

4. According to a study from Princeton, it is projected that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make our mind up about whether we like the person in less than one second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image. They don't get to hear you speak. They do not get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it is a thing). All you get is 1 picture and there is a 99% chance it's the wrong one. If a person is coming online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to test is your profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't sure how I could test numerous pictures considering that I could only put one as the default. The response: testing across programs. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I kept my profile description the same on every profile, but I set up another profile picture on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles until I could find a large enough sample size and make certain that the platform was not effecting results. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches. Interestingly enough, a film I did not read into, pic B, was really a huge turn off for pretty much 100% of girls. I was shocked when I found out this, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mine, so I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photos can be your biggest blind spot. To completely test this idea out, I actually enrolled a few friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change their profile pictures. They got varied results, but Learn more here one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best. This is a super simple optimization that may look to be a pain today, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often. Top Tip: If you want to speed this process up, you can actually ask your games what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a match was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she thought was best. (I also used this technique

5. to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me perhaps the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself" Now, part of the error might be my fault, since I took his advice quite literally. I began to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wished to act. This turned out to be a very bad idea. With no filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to realize that there is a difference between being your total self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our complete selves except when we are by ourselves. Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signals to give to other men and women. A guy wearing a button up top, as an example, isn't always wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the signal that he is wealthy. Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she does not want to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is signaling that he is okay with following convention. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my eye. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked very cute. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the whole party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria later that week. I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck. Initially I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we began talking. I was that guy. I did not care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality in any way. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on. Choosing your signals is great, but choosing false signals not so much. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You don't want to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect classic records, you do not want to let them know about the way you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You

6. want to tell them about the way you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't need to let them know about how you ran over your cat. First impressions matter. Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the toughest and personal piece of enhancing your online dating profile. There is no ideal answer, but there are some wrong answers. The first step to getting a good dating profile description is having a very clear structure. I break down a dating profile description into 3 components: Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A bit longer description that provides some colour to your interests and character. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something that you can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you don't want guys messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with. Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating apps the way they surf social media sites: fast and without much thought. It might be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar way. Due to this, I think the headline is possibly the most crucial piece of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: The objective of the headline is to provide a quick snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the person who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. If you ask any top-performing marketer,"how do I create content that will be successful?" It is likely that they'll laugh at the question. As any solid content marketer knows, great content is all about respecting the medium that you are producing the content for. By way of example, if I went into a girl at a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she'll definitely get up and leave. The opposite is true for online dating, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and be certain that it is quintessentially you. The Intro Paragraph Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you should start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This isn't the time to write a book about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your headline and picture being the first two. The intro paragraph gives a small amount of color and perhaps some talking points that you can talk about in chat

7. (again, ladies, this is extremely important to add if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I really like learning about businesses and new ideas. I am into photography, design, and Tim Ferriss. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a couple of basic hobbies and activities I like and some non-standard items like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anyone. "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching movies, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I'm positive there are people on earth who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of the people in your area enjoy those things too. Rather than trying to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can find common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For instance in my description above: -- Many people like being outdoors and photography. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. This is optional, although it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they have viewed your content. In relationship, you basically need the person to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I have found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making initial contact. I have heard countless stories of women who have paired with a guy who they really enjoy, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to appear desperate. Butobviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have an individual section that states: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other online dating apps too. My CTA goes as follows:

8. "You should message me if you are an interesting person who likes to play outdoors." Again, as with all this information, when in doubt just test it out. Try having a call to action and see if your conversations improve. When they don't, simply delete it. The beauty of dating programs is that rather than having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for instance, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making first contact and chatting where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to chat online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you are trying to start a new relationship. For starters, it's a really unnatural method of communicating, since it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It is logical then that if you take countless people and put them in an unnatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a good relationship through online relationship, then it is a fantastic idea to study your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply wouldn't have been able to see if I didn't have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible thoughts I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let's examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a bad one. QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best? For bonus points, try to order them from most effective to least effective. A) "Hey! How's it going?" (or any other variation of this sort of question). D) "Hey!

9. (based on a book they listed in their profile) I'll let you think about it for a second. (I'll add some distance before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response And the answer is... If you guessed D, you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst response.) In order of best to worst, the replies are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that obviously depends if they have put a book in their profile. You can modify this to ask about some other part of their profile, such as a picture or a place in their own pictures. The reason I suspect the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it shows that you read. If I may use the book opener to initiate a conversation I usually also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? I am now reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I began with this opener felt a lot more natural and went beyond a few messages. The second best option,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works nearly as well, but it is obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday). This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it is because it seems too much like I am going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and the other person has responded, it is time to have a conversation. Every conversation varies, but there are some guidelines that I'll put in here as hints. First, some online dating suggestions for guys: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you the number of messages my female

10. friends have shown me that noise objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation like you want a friend. DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own thoughts. One of the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Make sure that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You are..." will only result in a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I've tried to be friendly and nice, I have still received quite curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much guys pretend they don't care about the dialogue, they do. And they usually don't have any clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and direct the conversation in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you're tired of discussions feeling such as interviews, then make sure to ask the man about things he's interested in also. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women tend to put a good deal more thought in their text messages than guys do. If a man says something that seems weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he didn't either. Now a suggestion for both parties: Try to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a great tool to meet someone, but it is just that. It is a tool, it isn't actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. So, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the apps, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too in case you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online portion of dating, I soon realized that securing the date is only half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well the date goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your house. Where you have your date determines about 50--70% of the outcome of the date. But a question... Where's the worst place to have a date? As it turns out, it is actually at the most frequently selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant.

11. Initially I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. But bear in mind, I was completely new to relationship so I was only following what I had seen in movies. Many of them didn't go well, but I wasn't sure why. After a dozen or so awkward (and expensive) dates, I decided that I should experiment with some other locations. What happened next was totally mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates improved tremendously. It was not that I was doing anything differently or that I had been picking better girls to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I think dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You sit down at a table. You begin speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You are not ready to order because you've been talking. The waiter provides you"another minute." You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The server comes back ten minutes later. You talk and talk. You then run out of things to talk about. What do you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no options. It is a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost instantly. This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in-person communication skills. So, if we're getting worse at getting in-person conversations, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet above the floor like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this will be a good bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp jolt of the rope on my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I started falling for what felt like eternity. As it turns out, my climbing partner had let go of the rope as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't grab the rope until I had dropped 15 feet to what I was sure was my forthcoming death. Finally the rope finally stopped and I felt a massive jolt, both emotionally and physically. "Okay this date may be a little too exciting," I thought. My entire dating career made a 180-degree turn once I began carrying my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. I'd take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between. Some of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most essential elements to a wonderful date place could be distilled into three categories:

12. Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your landscape is changing so you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Activity -- Can we both do the action reasonably well? I've seen men get this one fairly wrong. It is fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but make certain it is not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she isn't afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date earlier? With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on. I know what you are thinking,"This man took women out to the very same places like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to order, but, depending on interests, I would substitute different activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was simply a template which simplified my choices and decreased the cognitive load I was putting on my mind. So here's my ideal dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday from the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food tastes. Then (if you are a man ) you have to account for cost of meals. Off the grid accomplishes this since there are over 20 distinct types of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. Feel like going all out? Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, namely: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach. Why I like it: What these activities had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between activity and talking. If we did a picnic on the shore, we could go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it #3, it meant I really liked her. It also meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal occasion so we can both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a woman did not like facts and science it likely would not work out between us anyway. As an added bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the evening. Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to search for on every date as you attempt to make your own dating arrangement:

13. Date #1: Search for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for good conversation. Be certain that you can reliably visit this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Make sure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you've both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you will both like that isn't too difficult. Avoid intimidating activities like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is fantastic for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limits. Date #3: You confirmed you like each other, it's time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you both really are, and it should confirm whether you want to keep on seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates one and two, there can be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you select provides new intimacy to the relationship. By way of instance, if I did not go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right maybe among the most crucial pieces of the online dating puzzle that I see men screw up again and again is time. Assuming the man is the one forcing the relationship sequence (which isn't necessarily the case) there are some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss? Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually consider timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It's very easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message her, she messages youback and forth, forth and back. To be able to make sure I don't waste all my time with internet conversations I found it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of constant conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of the digital world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it is quite easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, working as"the new man" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff. One thing I noticed is that each and every time they were ending a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no good too. Okay how about the week after that?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting into the calendar with the choice of cancelling if desired. Once I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to a pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always request the second date on the first date.

14. One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting plenty of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals do not mind if you do not like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion is to quit playing games, both with another person and on your own. If you don't, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle way to do this is by telling them that you aren't prepared to date at this time. I had a woman tell me and it was the easiest let down I've ever experienced and used it later myself also ). I should pause here for a single caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they've just met and they then proceed to text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. He told me,"Women are like shadows, the more you chase them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the longer they chase you." If you find someone who you want to be with really poorly, don't scare them away by being fanatical. If they like you as well, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively attempt to establish a date, but there is no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week. Permit the relationship to get some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There is a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it also. In several studies, anthropologists have found that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the people in that relationship have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans. By data mining cell phone records and comparing call patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that people will also invest more effort into relationships when there is a risk of that connection weakening. I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, paradoxically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for relationship I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- factor This sequence meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for enough time

15. for the relationship to grow and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of this post, these dating approaches helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may have to be different than the one above. In actuality, because relationship is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it's imperative to have a system in place that will assist you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply jump and hold on. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less intense rides can allow you to enjoy the ride a good deal more. Perhaps the single most important thing to bear in mind though is to let go of expectations and treat the process like an experiment. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just create your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the help of world wide investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and minimize your chance of catastrophic failure. A way of doing that is by going on dates that are not only sit-down dinners, so that no matter how your dating partner behaves, at least you will have a fantastic time doing something fun. And, to decrease the risk, you need to build both an outreach and relationship sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you enjoy doing and then fit the dates into these activities. This is also a great way to filter out people who aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term. Naturally, irrespective of how well I did all of the above things, I had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal program being just one of several. Dating is a rollercoaster that will scare you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But bear in mind, once you're feeling down and enjoy giving up on love altogether: "You're never as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are." Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your relationship with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed this post, I'd super love if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more people can discover it. And, if you have any more questions about relationship, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.