How to Get More Results Out of Your pisanie z dziewczyną

1. THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: Tips, tricks, and manipulations to Browse the pains and pitfalls I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me directly in the eyes and smiled. Still, no response. It definitely was not my best moment, but it was not hers either. Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal plan." The meal plan, if you're not familiar with it, is when girls go on dates with guys just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone on until there: all 37 dates to be exact. Of course at first I was outraged. How could women take advantage of me like that? As I matured in my online relationship, however, I realized that this was actually a reaction for what men do to women. There are three significant levers in our lives that, if we pull on them properly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation. I learned this first hand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at once. I quit the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I believed I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating novice. I was scarred. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a small voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you are not. You are going to kick online dating's ass!" I started to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I started creating what I called,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the whole process I took to learn online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so that you can not just get dates, but possibly discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I should preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process may need to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you will be

2. much more inclined to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you might end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that mad, but perhaps they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Note: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I pay a whole lot of these approaches as we browse the present struggles and embarrassments of his own dating journey (and answer listener questions). The absolute most frequent error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their target obviously. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we are looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario I've discovered is that both women and men that are looking for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating website. Basically, so as to maximize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photographs. Now I want to be clear, there's nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" photos online. The problem, in the case of dating, is the format of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual cues much faster than written hints. In fact, they have found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information aside from the profile photo until a user clicks, resulting in provocative photos sets a bad first impression. So, while it's totally fine to have sexy photos up on your instagram, leading together on your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also plenty of classy ways to possess intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind. Online dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photographs were only sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox. For men, we tend to have the opposite problem. Every man who has done online dating will attest to the battle of getting a woman to swipe right in their profile, let alone to get them to participate in a conversation. Men, this is completely your own fault. I have seen guys spend hours talking about the statistics of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats,

3. who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will effect the team's chances. However, when it comes to online dating, men tend to slap a few pictures on their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans till their fingers develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you start creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to attain. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" is not an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I'll outline below work for either desired result, but the choices you make will significantly affect your"conversion" rate. For example, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months later that, while it's great to go on a great deal of dates and get practice dating (recall I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I was dating the right folks. Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal programs " STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions First impressions matter. According to a study from Princeton, it is projected that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make our mind up about whether we like the person in less than 1 second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image. They do not get to hear you talk. They don't get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it is a thing). All you get is 1 picture and there's a 99% chance it's the wrong one. If one is coming online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to check is your profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of these said that my first image wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not certain how I could test numerous pictures considering that I could only put one as the default option. The response: testing across apps.

4. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr. I retained my profile description the same on each profile, but I put up a different profile image on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles until I could find a big enough sample size and make certain that the platform was not effecting results. Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a picture that I did not read much into, pic B, was actually a massive turn off for pretty much 100% of girls. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they answered,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found this out, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mine, so that I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photos can be your biggest blind spot. To completely test out this idea, I actually enrolled a few friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change their profile pictures. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super easy optimization that can look to be a pain now, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently. Top Tip: If you want to speed this process up, you can really ask your matches what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game was not going well, I decided to get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable Now, part of the error may be my fault, since I took his advice very literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wanted to act. This turned out to be a horrible idea. With no filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I've come to realize that there is a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our total selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signs to give to other people. A guy wearing a button up shirt, for instance, is not always wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the signal that he's wealthy.

5. Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is signaling that he is okay with subsequent convention. Signals matter. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my eye. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the whole party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck. At first I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. I was that man. I did not really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a signal at the party did not match her personality in any way. We ended the date cordially and moved on. Signals matter. Choosing your signals is great, but choosing false signals not so much. You do not want to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You want to tell them about how you collect classic records, you don't want to tell them about the way you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You want to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not want to let them know about how you ran over your cat. Crafting a good description is perhaps the toughest and personal piece of improving your online dating profile. There's no ideal answer, but there are definitely some incorrect answers. The first step to getting a great dating profile description is having a clear structure. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 components: Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly.

6. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that gives some color to your interests and character. Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something you can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you do not want men messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social networking sites: quickly and without much thought. It might be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar manner. Because of this, I think the headline is possibly the most crucial bit of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: The objective of the headline is to give a quick snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and short acts like a stop sign for the individual who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. It is likely that they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, terrific content is all about respecting the medium that you are producing the content for. For example, if I went into a woman in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she will definitely get up and leave. The opposite is true for online dating, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and be certain it is quintessentially you. The Intro Paragraph Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you can begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This isn't the time to write a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your picture and headline being the first two. The intro paragraph gives a small amount of colour and perhaps some talking points that you two can discuss in chat (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to include if you want to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as you can! Some of my favourite items are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball.

7. I am a creative at heart but I love learning about new and businesses ideas. I am into photography, design, and Tim Ferriss. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a few basic hobbies and activities I enjoy and some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic actions that could apply to pretty much anybody. I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I'm positive that there are people on earth who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the folks in your area enjoy those things too. As opposed to attempting to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to discover common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For instance in my description above: -- Many people like being outdoors and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about businesses or Tim Ferriss. The Call To Action This is optional, although it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they have viewed your content. In dating, you basically want the person to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I've found that a lot of people, both http://franciscowakc164.bravesites.com/entries/general/what-i-wish-i-knew-a-year-ago- about-tinder-jak-zacz%C4%85%C4%87-rozmow%C4%99 guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making first contact. I've heard countless stories of women who have matched with a guy who they really enjoy, but the guy never

8. messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to seem desperate. The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you. Butobviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that says: My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you are an interesting person who likes to play outdoors." Again, as with all this information, when in doubt just check it out. Try using a call to action and see if your conversations improve. When they don't, just delete it. The beauty of dating apps is that rather than having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a bar for instance, you have thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making first talking and contact where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you are trying to start a new relationship. For one thing, it's a really unnatural method of communicating, because it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It makes sense then that if you take countless people and set them in a supernatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it might be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online dating, then it's a fantastic idea to research your results a little bit. As I got better at optimizing my profile, I started matching with a growing number of people. This gave me the chance to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just wouldn't have been able to see if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let's test how well you can judge a good opener from a bad one. QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best? What is it going?" B) "Hey!

9. How was your weekend?" C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or some other variation of the type of question). D) "Hey! (based on a book they listed in their profile) I will allow you to consider it for a second. (I'll add some space before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer And the answer is... If you guessed D, you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the answers are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that obviously depends if they have put a book in their profile. You can modify this to ask about some other part of the profile, such as a movie or a place in their own pictures. The reason why I guess that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I can use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x publication? (This is the way I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt a lot more natural and moved beyond a few messages. The next best option,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works nearly as well, but it is obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday). Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it is because it sounds too much like I am going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting.

10. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and another person has responded, it is time to have a conversation. Every conversation varies, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as hints. First, some online dating suggestions for guys: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that noise objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation like you want a friend. DO attempt to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own thoughts. One of the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You're..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation. Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I've tried to be friendly and nice, I have still received quite curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much guys pretend that they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they usually don't have any clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and guide the conversation in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you're tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then be certain that you ask the guy about things he's interested in as well. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women tend to place a good deal more thought in their text messages than men do. If a man says something that seems weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a suggestion for both parties: Attempt to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a excellent tool to fulfill someone, but it is just that. It's a tool, it is not actual dating. My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. Thus, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get them off quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too in case you know how to set up great dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online part of relationship, I soon realized that procuring the date is only half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your house. As they say in real estate: location, location, location.

11. In which you have your date determines about 50--70 percent of the outcome of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date? As it happens, it's actually at the most frequently selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But remember, I was totally new to dating so I was only following what I'd seen in movies. Most of them did not go well, but I was not certain why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and pricey ) dates, I decided that I should experiment with some other locations. What occurred next was totally mind blowing. It wasn't that I was doing anything differently or that I was choosing better girls to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a table. You start speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You're not ready to order since you have been talking. The waiter gives you"another minute." You examine the menu making comments about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You continue talking. Then you run out of things to talk about. What should you do next? You need to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no options. It is a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost immediately. This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person conversations. Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- person communication skills. So, if we are getting worse at getting in-person conversations, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? 3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that relationship could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I had been holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the floor like a giant cat toy. My fingers began to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this will be a great bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp jolt of the rope on my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity.

12. As it turns out, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't grab the rope until I had fallen 15 ft to what I was sure was my upcoming death. Finally the rope finally stopped and I felt a massive jolt, both emotionally and physically. My whole dating profession made a 180-degree turn when I started taking my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. A number of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most essential elements to a great date spot could be distilled into three categories: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your landscape is changing so that you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" Action -- Can we both do the action reasonably well? I've seen men get this one pretty wrong. It is fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but be sure it is not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing? Make sure she is not afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date sooner? Using these three criteria, I crafted a three date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on. Now I know what you're thinking,"This man took women out to the very same areas like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to sequence, but, depending on interests, I would substitute unique activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was simply a template that simplified my decisions and reduced the cognitive load I was putting in my mind. So here is my perfect dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday by the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food preferences. Then (if you are a guy) you have to account for cost of food. Off the grid solves this because there are over 20 distinct types of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a few go-tos, namely: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: What these activities had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between activity and talking. If we did a picnic on the shore, we can go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach.

13. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night in the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can catch drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a girl had made it #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal event so we could both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret test because if a woman did not like science and facts it probably wouldn't work out between us anyway. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few tips on what to look for on every date as you attempt to create your own dating arrangement: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for great conversation. Be sure that you can reliably visit this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Ensure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book a person's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you've both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you will both like that is not too tricky. Avoid intimidating actions like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is fantastic for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations. Date #3: You confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to take it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it ought to confirm whether you want to continue seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates one and two, there can be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the connection. By way of instance, if I didn't visit the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right Perhaps among the most important pieces of the internet dating mystery that I see guys screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the man is the one driving the relationship sequence (which is not always the case) there are a few questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. I'll share my experience (as a heterosexual male living in San Francisco) and you can make whatever adjustments you deem appropriate. The important thing is to actually think about timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It's quite easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message , she messages you, back and forth, forth and back. In order to make certain that I do not waste all my time with online conversations I found that it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of the virtual world too long. It might feel like it's necessary, but it is very easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room.

14. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, working as"the new man" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff. One thing I noticed is that every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no good also. Okay how about the week then?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting into the calendar with the option of cancelling if needed. When I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always ask for the next date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting plenty of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people don't mind if you don't like them, they just want to know. So my suggestion is to quit playing games, both with the other person and on your own. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle way to do this is by telling them that you aren't prepared to date at this time. I had a girl tell me and it was the easiest let down I have ever experienced and used it later myself too). I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to constantly text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. He told me,"Women are like shadows, the more you chase them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the longer they pursue you." If you discover someone who you want to be with really poorly, do not frighten them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively attempt to establish a date, but there is no reason to go on dates every single night of the week. Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A good way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa. There is a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific evidence for it also. In a number of studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the people in that relationship have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans. By data mining cell phone records and comparing call patterns and duration, the researchers at the university

15. found that people may also invest more effort into relationships if there is a risk of that connection weakening. I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, ironically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for relationship that I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- factor This arrangement meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for enough time for the relationship to mature and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of this post, these relationship strategies helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process may have to be different than the one above. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it's imperative to have a system set up that will assist you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to just hop on and continue. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less extreme rides will allow you to enjoy the ride a good deal more. As we frequently discuss on the podcast, when you let go of expectations and only create your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the advice of world wide investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and decrease your risk of catastrophic failure. A way of doing this is by going on dates that are not only sit-down dinners, so that no matter how your relationship partner behaves, at least you will have a good time doing something fun. And, to minimize the risk, you need to build both an outreach and relationship sequence so you reduce the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then match the dates into those activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term. Of course, regardless of how well I did all of the above things, I still had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal plan being just one of many. But bear in mind, once you're feeling down and enjoy giving up on love altogether: "You're not as bad as they say you are, you are also not as good as you think you are." Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on yourself, improving your discussions, your dates, and your relationship with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating.

16. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more people can discover it. And, if you've any more questions about relationship, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the show.