11 Ways to Completely Ruin Your jak poderwać dziewczyne poradnik

1. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Again, I looked at her and then looked at the bill. Still, no reply. At this time I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely was not my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I found out afterwards, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal program." The meal program, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when women go on dates with guys merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she certainly fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone until that point: all 37 dates to be exact. How could women take advantage of me like that? As I matured in my online dating, however, I understood that this was actually a response for what men do to women. There are 3 significant levers in our lives that, if we pull them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation. I learned this firsthand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I stopped the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year connection with my girlfriend who I believed I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and relationship newcomer. I was depressed. I was scarred. After 9 months of misery and frustration I was going to give up on online dating all together. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a small voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you are not. You are going to kick on online dating's ass!" I began to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating like one big experiment. I started creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the whole process I chose to learn online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so you can't just get dates, but possibly find the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process may need to be different than the under. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from dating and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you will be much more likely to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you may end up finding that special person.

2. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 years and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that mad, but maybe they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Note: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a whole lot of these approaches as we browse the present struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship trip (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The absolute most frequent error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their goal obviously. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we're looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario that I've discovered is that both men and women that are searching for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She is an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. Basically, in order to maximize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photographs. Now I want to be clear, there's nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" photos online. The issue, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual cues much faster than written clues. In actuality, they have found that men who are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles hide most information other than the profile photograph before a user clicks, leading with provocative photos sets a bad first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up on your instagram, leading with them on your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also plenty of classy ways to possess interesting pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind. Internet Dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy So, although Maddy was attempting to locate a relationship, her photographs were sending signals that she's looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 Every man who has done online dating will attest to the struggle of getting a woman to swipe right on their profile, let alone to make them engage in a conversation. Men, this is entirely your fault. I have seen guys spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will influence the team's chances.

3. However, when it comes to online dating, guys have a tendency to slap a few pictures in their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans till their palms develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to achieve. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you trying to find a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everyone, you will interest no one." The techniques I will outline below work for desired outcome, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months after that, while it's great to go on a great deal of dates and get practice dating (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I had been dating the perfect folks. Luckily I realized this before I had been the victim of any more"meal programs " STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it's projected that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make our mind up about whether we like the person in less than one second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They don't get to hear you speak. They don't get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it is a thing). All you get is one picture and there's a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If one is approaching online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to check is your profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of these said that my first picture was not my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not sure how I could test multiple pictures considering I could only put one as the default option. The response: testing across apps. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I kept my profile description the same on every profile, but I set up a different profile image on each. I rotated the images across profiles until I could get a large enough sample size and be sure that the platform was not effecting results.

4. Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches. Interestingly enough, a picture that I didn't read much into, pic B, was really a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of women. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they replied,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found out this, because the two girls in that photo are actually good friends of mine, so I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photographs can be your biggest blind spot. To completely test out this idea, I actually enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. This is a super http://collintuyn175.image-perth.org/where-to-find-guest-blogging-opportunities-on-jak-zagadac- do-dziewczyny-na-badoo easy optimization that can look like a pain now, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently. Top Tip: If you would like to speed this process up, you can really ask your games what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.) In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself." Now, part of this error might be my fault, because I took his advice very literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wished to act. This turned out to be a horrible idea. Without any filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I've come to realize that there is a difference between being your total self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our complete selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signs to give to other people. A man wearing a button up shirt, as an instance, isn't necessarily wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the sign that he is wealthy. Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she does not want to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is signaling that he is okay with following convention. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my eye. I approached her and we immediately hit off.

5. We spent the whole party dancing and flirting. We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. Initially I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they'd dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a guy. I was that man. I did not care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a signal at the party did not match her personality at all. We ended the date cordially and proceeded on. Choosing your signals is good, but choosing false signals not so much. You do not need to lie, but you also don't want to be your complete self. You need to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you do not want to tell them about how you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You want to tell them about the way you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not want to let them know about how you ran over your cat. First impressions matter. Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the most difficult and personal bit of improving your online dating profile. There's no ideal answer, but there are some wrong answers. The first step to getting a good dating profile description is having a clear structure. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 components: Headline: A brief sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some colour to your interests and personality. Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something you can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you do not want men messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating apps the way they surf social networking sites: quickly and without much thought. It might be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar way. Due to this, I think the headline is possibly the most crucial piece of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that is right for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active."

6. The goal of the headline is to provide a quick snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and short acts like a stop sign for the person who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. It is likely that they'll laugh at the question. As any solid content marketer knows, terrific content is all about respecting the medium that you are producing the content for. By way of instance, if I went up to a woman at a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she will definitely get up and leave. The opposite is true for online relationship, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and be sure that it is quintessentially you. After that initial curiosity is peaked, you can start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This isn't the time to compose a book about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your headline and picture being the first two. The intro paragraph gives a little bit of color and perhaps some talking points that you two can discuss in conversation (again, ladies, this is extremely important to include if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favorite items are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I love learning about new and businesses ideas. I'm into photography, design, and Tim Ferriss. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a few basic activities and hobbies I like and some non-standard items like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The most important thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anyone. I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching movies, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I am positive that there are people on earth who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of those people in your area enjoy both those things too. Rather than trying to fit in, attempt to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to find common ground, but also things which are uniquely you.

7. For example in my description above: -- Many people like being outside and photography. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In relationship, you essentially want the person to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I have found that a whole lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making first contact. I've heard countless stories of girls who have matched with a guy who they really like, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to appear desperate. Butobviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that says: My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you're an interesting person who likes to play outside." Again, as with this advice, when in doubt just check it out. Try having a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. If they don't, simply delete it. The attractiveness of dating programs is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a connection, as you would if you went to a bar for example, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making initial contact and chatting where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you're trying to begin a new relationship. For starters, it is a really unnatural way of communicating, since it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It is logical then that when you take millions of people and put them in a supernatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations.

8. While it might be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a good relationship through online dating, then it's a fantastic idea to study your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just wouldn't have been able to see if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible thoughts I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a poor one. A) "Hey! How's it going?" B) "Hey! (or some other variation of this type of question). (according to a book they listed in their profile) I'll allow you to consider it for a second. (I'll add some space before the answer below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response And the answer is... If you guessed D, you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst response.) In order of best to worst, the replies are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that obviously depends if they have put a book in their profile. You can modify this to ask about some other part of their profile, such as a picture or a location in their own pictures. The reason why I suspect that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it shows that you read. If I can use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? I'm currently reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is the way I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend).

9. Pretty much every conversation I began with this opener felt much more natural and moved past a few messages. The next best choice,"Hey! Works nearly as well, but it's obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it's because it seems too much like I am going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think of something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and the other person has responded, it is time to have a dialogue. Every dialog changes, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as suggestions. First, some online dating tips for men: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation just like you would with a friend. DO attempt to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own thoughts. Among the most common complaints I've heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Make certain that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You're..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I've tried to be nice and friendly, I have still received quite curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much guys pretend that they don't care about the dialogue, they do. And they normally don't have any clue what they are doing, so offer them some help and guide the conversation in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you are tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then make sure to ask the man about things he is interested in also. DON'T make judgments too soon. In my experience women tend to place a lot more thought in their text messages than men do. If a man says something that seems weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a suggestion for both parties: Try to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a great tool to fulfill someone, but it's just that. It's a tool, it isn't actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. So, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about having a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too if you know how to set up good dates...

10. Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online portion of relationship, I soon realized that procuring the date is just half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well the date goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your residence. In which you have your date determines about 50--70% of the results of the date. But first a question... Where is the worst place to have a date? As it turns out, it is actually at the most commonly selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant. At first I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But remember, I was totally new to dating so I was only following what I'd seen in movies. Most of them didn't go well, but I was not certain why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and pricey ) dates, I decided that I need to experiment with several other locations. What happened next was absolutely mind blowing. It wasn't I was doing anything differently or that I had been choosing better women to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You sit down at a desk. You start talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You're not ready to order because you've been talking. The waiter provides you"another moment." You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You continue talking. You talk and talk. Then you run out of things to discuss. What do you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no choices. It's a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost immediately. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at getting in-person conversations. Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- person communication skills. So, if we're getting worse at having in-person conversations, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact you will be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? 3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that relationship could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I was holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet above the floor like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this will be a good bonding experience."

11. As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp jolt of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I started falling for what felt like eternity. As it happens, my climbing partner had let go of the rope just as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't grab the rope until I had dropped 15 feet to what I was sure was my forthcoming death. Finally the rope eventually stopped and I felt a massive jolt, both physically and emotionally. "Okay this date may be a little too exciting," I thought. My whole dating profession made a 180-degree turn when I started carrying my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. A number of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most essential elements to a wonderful date spot could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your landscape is shifting so you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Action -- Can we do the activity reasonably well? I've seen men get this one pretty wrong. It is fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but be certain it is not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she isn't afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Would the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date sooner? With these three criteria, I crafted a three date sequence which nearly doubled the number of successful dates I went on. I know what you are thinking,"This man took women out to the same places like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" This was my go-to order, but, depending on interests, I would substitute unique activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was merely a template that simplified my choices and decreased the cognitive load I was putting on my mind. Happy brain = Happy dates. So here is my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks each Friday by the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food tastes. Then (if you are a man ) you've got to account for cost of meals. Off the grid solves this since there are over 20 different kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also lets you walk around, people watch, and get drinks. Feel like going all out? Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, namely: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: These activities had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite pub, or abort early. With both rock

12. climbing and tennis we could alternate between activity and talking. If we did a picnic on the shore, we can go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I actually liked her. It also meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal occasion so we could both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret test because if a woman didn't like science and facts it probably wouldn't work out between us anyway. As an added bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the evening. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating arrangement. Here are a few ideas on what to look for on each date as you attempt to make your own dating sequence: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for good conversation. Be sure that you can reliably visit this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Make sure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you've both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you'll both like that is not too tricky. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is fantastic for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limits. Date #3: You both confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to take it to the next level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it ought to confirm whether or not you want to continue seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates one and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you select provides new intimacy to the relationship. By way of instance, if I didn't go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe among the most important pieces of the internet dating mystery that I see men screw up again and again is time. Assuming the man is the one driving the dating sequence (which isn't always the case) there are some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss? Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most helpful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your comfort your answers may vary. I'll share my experience (as a heterosexual male living in San Francisco) and you can make whatever adjustments you deem appropriate. The important thing is to actually think about timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It's quite easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message her, she messages youback and forth, forth and back. In order to make sure that I don't waste all my time with online conversations I found that it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of constant conversation. Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of the virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's very

13. easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, functioning as"the new guy" at a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would utilize their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi- million dollar balances. One thing that I noticed is that each and every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week after that?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting to the calendar with the option of cancelling if desired. When I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always ask for the second date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting plenty of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to look at their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people do not mind if you do not like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion would be to stop playing games, both with another person and on your own. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you do not. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them you aren't prepared to date at this time. I had a girl tell me this and it was the easiest let down I've ever experienced and utilized it later myself too). I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they have just met and they then proceed to text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. Stop Chasing Shadows once I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He told me,"Women are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the more they chase you." If you find someone who you want to be with really poorly, don't scare them away by being fanatical. If they like you as well, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously try to set up a date, but there's no reason to go on dates every single night of the week. Permit the relationship to get some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There's a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there's even scientific

14. evidence for it also. In several studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing call patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that humans may also invest more effort into relationships when there is a probability of that connection weakening. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, ironically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for dating that I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This sequence meant that I would spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the connection to mature and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, these relationship strategies helped me tremendously, but based upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your procedure might need to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from relationship. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it is vital to have a system in place that will help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to just hop on and hold on. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less intense rides can help you enjoy the ride a good deal more. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just create your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread.

15. Like the advice of world-class investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and minimize your risk of catastrophic failure. A means of doing this is by going on dates that are not just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your relationship partner behaves, at least you'll have a good time doing something fun. And, to decrease the risk, you should build both an outreach and relationship sequence so that you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Find a few activities you enjoy doing and then match the dates into those activities. This is also a wonderful way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term. Of course, regardless of how well I did all the above items, I had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal plan being just one of several. Dating is a rollercoaster that will scare you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But bear in mind, once you're feeling down and enjoy giving up on love altogether: "You're never as bad as they say you are, you are also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on your own, improving your discussions, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more people can discover it. And, if you have any more questions about dating, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.