10 Things Your Competitors Can Teach You About jak poderwać dziewczynę

1. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Again, I looked at her and then looked at the invoice. Still, no response. At this time I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it was not hers either. Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal program." The meal program, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when girls go on dates with guys merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she certainly fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone until that point: all 37 dates to be exact. How could women take advantage of me like that? As I matured in my online dating, however, I understood that this was actually a response for what men do to women. There are 3 major levers in our lives that, if we pull them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation. I learned this firsthand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at once. I stopped the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year connection with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating novice. I was scared. I was scarred. One dayI was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene triggered and a little voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you're not. You're going to kick online dating's ass!" I started to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I began creating what I called,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the whole process I chose to master online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B analyzing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so that you can not only get dates, but possibly find the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may need to be different than the under. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you will be more likely to enjoy the process. And, if you're diligent, you might end up finding that special person.

2. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that crazy, but perhaps they are, I will leave it for you to judge. Note: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I pay a whole lot of these approaches as we browse the current struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship trip (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The complete most frequent mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their goal obviously. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we're looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario I've discovered is that both men and women that are searching for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with online dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She is an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. Basically, so as to optimize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photos. Now I would like to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" pictures online. The problem, in the event of dating, is the arrangement of a relationship and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual clues much faster than written hints. In actuality, they have found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information other than the profile photograph before a user clicks, resulting in provocative photographs sets a poor first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have sexy photos up in your instagram, leading with them on your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong sort of guy. There are also plenty of classy ways to have interesting pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was trying to find a relationship, her photographs were only sending signals that she's searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 For men, we tend to have the opposite problem. Every guy who has done online dating will attest to the struggle of getting a woman to swipe right on their profile, let alone to make them participate in a conversation. Guys, this is entirely your own fault. I've seen men spend hours talking about the statistics of their favourite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, and even how financial reports will influence the team's chances.

3. But, when it comes to online dating, guys have a tendency to slap a few pictures on their profile and then start swiping like orangutans until their fingers develop calluses. Guys, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to achieve. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. "If you try to appeal to everyone, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I'll outline below work for desired outcome, but the choices you make will significantly affect your"conversion" rate. By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I only realized months later that, while it's good to go on a lot of dates and get practice relationship (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I had been dating the perfect people. Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal programs ." STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions First impressions matter. According to a study from Princeton, it's estimated that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make up our mind about whether we like the person in less than 1 second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image. They do not get to hear you talk. They don't get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is 1 picture and there's a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If one is approaching online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to check is your profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of these said that my first picture wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't certain how I could test multiple pictures considering I could only put one as the default option. The answer: testing across programs. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr.

4. I retained my profile description the exact same on every profile, but I put up a different profile image on each. I rotated the images across profiles until I could get a large enough sample size and make certain that the platform wasn't effecting results. Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a picture I didn't read into, pic B, was really a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of women. I was shocked when I found out this, because the two girls in that photo are really good friends of mine, so that I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photos can be your greatest blind spot. To completely test out this idea, I actually enrolled a few friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super easy optimization that may look to be a pain now, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20% of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often. Top Tip: If you would like to speed up this process, you can actually ask your matches exactly what they think of your pictures. If a conversation with a game wasn't going well, I decided to get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself." Now, a part of the error may be my fault, because I took his advice very literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wished to act. This turned out to be a very bad idea. With no filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I have matured a bit, I've come to understand that there is a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our total selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we

5. knowingly choose which signs to give to other people. A man wearing a button up top, for example, isn't always wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the sign that he is wealthy. Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she doesn't wish to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is signaling that he's okay with subsequent convention. Signals matter. In college I met a girl at a party who immediately caught my attention. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked really cute. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the http://sethfumj447.almoheet-travel.com/why-you-should-focus-on-improving-jak-zagadac-na-badoo entire party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. At first I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we began talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they had dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a guy. I was that man. I did not care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized that we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality in any way. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on. Choosing your signs is good, but picking false signals not so much. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You do not need to lie, but you also don't want to be your complete self. You need to tell them about how you collect classic records, you do not want to tell them about how you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You want to tell them about the way you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't need to tell them about how you ran over your cat. First impressions matter. Crafting a good description is perhaps the most difficult and personal piece of improving your online dating profile. There is absolutely no ideal answer, but there are definitely some wrong answers.

6. The first step to having a great dating profile description is having a very clear structure. I break down a dating profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A brief sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some colour to your interests and character. Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something that you can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you don't want men messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with. Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social media sites: quickly and without much thought. It could be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar manner. Due to this, I think the headline is possibly the most important bit of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that is right for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: The objective of the headline is to give a fast snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and short acts like a stop sign for the individual who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. Chances are they'll laugh at the question. As any solid content marketer knows, great content is about respecting the medium that you're creating the content for. By way of example, if I went into a woman in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she will definitely get up and leave. The reverse is true for online relationship, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and make sure that it is quintessentially you. The Intro Paragraph After that initial curiosity is peaked, you can start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to write a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your picture and headline being the first two. The intro paragraph provides a little bit of colour and possibly some talking points that you can discuss in chat (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to include if you want to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favorite items are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I really like learning about new and businesses ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at

7. Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a few basic activities and hobbies I enjoy as well as some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The most important thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anyone. I can not tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I like hanging out with friends, watching movies, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I am sure there are people on earth who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of those folks in your area enjoy both those things too. Rather than attempting to fit in, attempt to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can discover common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For example in my description above: -- Many people like being outside and photography. -- But very few people like learning about businesses or Tim Ferriss. This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In relationship, you basically want the individual to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I have found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making initial contact. I have heard countless stories of girls who have paired with a guy who they really like, but the man never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to appear desperate. The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you. But, obviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that says: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other internet dating apps too. My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you are an interesting person who likes to play outdoors." Again, as with this advice, when in doubt just test it out. Try using a call to action and see if your conversations improve. If they don't, simply delete it.

8. The attractiveness of dating programs is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for example, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making first contact and chatting where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it comes to the conversation. Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you're trying to start a new relationship. For starters, it is a very unnatural method of communicating, since it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It is logical then that when you take millions of people and put them in an unnatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it might be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online relationship, then it's a fantastic idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply would not have been able to determine if I didn't have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I will spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us test how well you can judge a good opener from a poor one. A) "Hey! What is it going?" B) "Hey! How was your weekend?" (or any other variation of the sort of question). How did you like X book?" (based on a book they listed in their profile) I'll allow you to consider it for a second. (I will add some distance before the answer below. Scroll as soon as you're ready.) Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response And the answer is...

9. If you guessed D, then you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst response.) In order of best to worst, the answers are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that obviously depends if they've put a book in their profile. You can alter this to ask about some other part of their profile, like a movie or a place in their pictures. The reason I suspect that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I may use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? (This is the way I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I began with this opener felt a lot more natural and went beyond a few messages. The second best choice,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works almost as well, but it's obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). An alternative version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it's because it seems too much like I am going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and another person has responded, it is time to have a conversation. Every conversation varies, but there are some guidelines that I'll put in here as hints. First, some online dating tips for men: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you the number of messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation just like you want a friend. DO attempt to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own thoughts. Among the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You are..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I've tried to be friendly and nice, I've still received quite curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the dialogue, they do. And they usually don't have any clue what they are doing, so offer them some help and direct the conversation in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you are tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then be certain to ask the man about things he is interested in as well. It takes two to tango.

10. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to place a good deal more thought in their text messages than guys do. If a guy says something that seems weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a proposal for the two parties: Try to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a excellent tool to fulfill someone, but it's just that. It's a tool, it is not actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. So, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about having a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too if you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online part of dating, I soon realized that securing the date is just half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your house. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. Where you have your date determines about 50--70% of the outcome of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date? As it happens, it is actually at the most frequently selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant. At first I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But remember, I was completely new to dating so I was only following what I had seen in movies. Most of them did not go well, but I wasn't sure why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and expensive) dates, I decided that I should experiment with some other locations. What occurred next was absolutely mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates enhanced tremendously. It wasn't that I was doing anything differently or that I was picking better girls to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context. Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a table. You start talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to talking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You're not ready to order since you have been talking. The waiter gives you"another moment." You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The server comes back ten

11. minutes later. You order food. Then you run out of things to talk about. What do you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You need to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no choices. It is a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost instantly. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that most of us are getting worse at having in-person conversations. Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- house communication abilities. So, if we are getting worse at having in-person discussions, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact you will be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? 3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that relationship could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I was holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the ground like a giant cat toy. My fingers began to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this will be a good bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp shock of the rope on my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I started falling for what felt like eternity. As it happens, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope just as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't catch the rope until I had dropped 15 ft to what I was sure was my upcoming death. Finally the rope eventually stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically. "Okay this date might be a little too exciting," I thought. My whole dating profession made a 180-degree turn once I began carrying my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between. Some of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most crucial elements to a great date place could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is shifting so that you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Activity -- Can we do the action reasonably well? I've seen men get this one pretty wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but make certain it is not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing? Make sure she isn't afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Would the date increase or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No issue, how do we end the date earlier? Using these three criteria, I crafted a three date sequence which nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I

12. went on. I know what you're thinking,"This guy took women out to the same areas like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to order, but, based on interests, I would substitute different activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was simply a template which simplified my choices and reduced the cognitive load I was putting in my mind. So here's my ideal dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks each Friday from the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food preferences. Then (if you're a man ) you've got to account for cost of food. Off the grid accomplishes this since there are over 20 different kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also lets you walk around, people watch, and get drinks. You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Feel like going all out? Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: These actions had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between talking and activity. If we did a picnic on the shore, we can go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a girl had made it #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, plus it was a semi-formal event so we can both dress nicely for that special night. This was also my secret test because if a girl didn't like science and facts it likely would not work out between us anyway. As an added bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the night. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating arrangement. Here are a few tips on what to search for on every date as you try to create your own dating arrangement: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places don't make for great conversation. Make sure that you can reliably go to this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Make sure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you have both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you will both like that isn't too tricky. Avoid intimidating activities like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations.

13. Date #3: You both confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it should confirm whether or not you want to continue seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates one and two, there can be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the relationship. By way of example, if I did not go to the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe among the most crucial pieces of the internet dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is time. Assuming the man is the one forcing the dating sequence (which is not always the case) there are some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort your answers may vary. The main thing is to actually think about timing, as opposed to leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It's very easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message , she messages youback and forth, back and forth. To be able to make sure that I don't waste all my time with internet conversations I found it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of constant conversation. Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of the virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's quite easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, working as"the new guy" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. One thing I discovered is that every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no good also. Okay how about the week then?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting into the calendar with the option of cancelling if needed. Once I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to a pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always request the next date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting a lot of uncertainty.

14. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to look at their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals do not mind if you do not like them, they just want to know. So my suggestion would be to stop playing games, both with the other person and on your own. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you do not. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them that you are not prepared to date right now. I had a girl tell me this and it was the simplest let down I've ever experienced and utilized it later myself also ). I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they have just met and they then proceed to constantly text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. Stop Chasing Shadows once I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He explained,"Girls are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the longer they pursue you." If you discover someone who you would like to be with really badly, do not frighten them away by being fanatical. If they like you as well, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively try to establish a date, but there is no reason to go on dates every single night of the week. Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A good way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa. There's a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific evidence for it also. In a number of studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans. By data mining cell phone records and comparing call patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that people may also invest more effort into relationships if there is a probability of that connection weakening.

15. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, paradoxically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for dating that I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This sequence meant that I would spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for enough time for the connection to grow and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was particularly helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, these relationship strategies helped me tremendously, but based on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process might have to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from relationship. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it is vital to have a system in place to help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to just jump and continue. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less extreme rides can help you enjoy the ride a whole lot more. Perhaps the single most important thing to keep in mind though is to let go of expectations and treat the process like an experiment. As we often discuss on the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just make your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the advice of world wide investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and decrease your risk of catastrophic failure. A means of doing this is by going on dates that aren't just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your dating partner behaves, at least you'll have a fantastic time doing something interesting. And, to decrease the risk, you need to build both an outreach and dating sequence so that you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Find a few activities you enjoy doing and then fit the dates into those activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term. Naturally, regardless of how well I did all the above things, I had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal program being just one of several. Dating is a rollercoaster that will frighten you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But remember, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether:

16. "You're not as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your discussions, your dates, and your relationship with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more folks can find it. And, if you've any more questions about dating, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the show.