10 Situations When You'll Need to Know About przykładowe opisy na tindera

1. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Still, no reply. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I discovered afterwards, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal plan." The meal plan, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when women go on dates with guys merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone until there: all 37 dates to be exact. How could women take advantage of me like this? As I matured in my online dating, however, I realized that this was really a reaction for what men do to women. There are 3 major levers in our lives which, if we pull on them properly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this first hand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I quit the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend who I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating novice. I was depressed. I was scared. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a little voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you are not. You're going to kick online dating's ass!" I started to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I began creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the entire process I chose to learn online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B analyzing your descriptions, starting meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so that you can not just get dates, but possibly discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may need to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet fascinating people and do interesting things," you will be much more inclined to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you might end up finding that special

2. person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 years and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that mad, but perhaps they are, I will leave it for you to judge. Listen to the Modern Dating Show Podcast for more tips, tricks, and embarrassingly real stories. Notice: You can also hear the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I pay a whole lot of these approaches as we navigate the current struggles and embarrassments of his own dating trip (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The complete most frequent error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their goal clearly. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we're looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario I've discovered is that both women and men who are searching for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their relationship for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with online dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She's an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. Basically, so as to optimize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photographs. Now I would like to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" pictures online. The issue, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a relationship and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual clues much faster than written clues. In fact, they've found that men who are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information other than the profile photograph before a user clicks, resulting in provocative photos sets a bad first impression. So, while it's totally fine to have sexy photos up in your instagram, leading together in your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong type of Continue reading guy. Additionally, there are lots of classy ways to have interesting pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Online dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photographs were sending signals that she is looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox. Every man who has done online dating will testify to the struggle of getting a girl to swipe right in their profile, let alone to get them to participate in a conversation. Guys, this is completely your own fault. I have seen men spend hours talking about the statistics of their favourite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, and even how financial reports will effect the team's chances.

3. However, when it comes to online dating, men have a tendency to slap a few pictures on their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans until their fingers develop calluses. Guys, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to achieve. Are you trying to date a great deal of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will interest no one." The techniques I'll outline below work for either desired outcome, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. By way of example, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I only realized months later that, while it's great to go on a great deal of dates and get practice relationship (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I was dating the perfect folks. Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal programs ." STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it's estimated that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make up our mind about if we like the person in less than one second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image. They don't get to hear you talk. They don't get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is 1 picture and there is a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If one is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to test is the profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first picture wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not certain how I could test numerous pictures considering that I could only put one as the default. The answer: testing across apps. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr.

4. I retained my profile description the exact same on each profile, but I put up a different profile picture on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles until I could get a big enough sample size and be sure that the platform was not effecting results. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture which I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches. Interestingly enough, a picture I did not read into, pic B, was really a massive turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls. I was shocked when I found out this, because the two girls in that photo are actually good friends of mineso that I never would have made this connection. Sometimes your photos can be your biggest blind spot. To completely test out this idea, I really enrolled a few friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super easy optimization that may seem to be a pain now, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often. Top Tip: If you would like to speed up this process, you can really ask your games what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a match was not going well, I decided to get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable Now, part of the error might be my fault, since I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wanted to act. This turned out to be a horrible idea. With no filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I have matured a bit, I've come to realize that there's a difference between being your total self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our complete selves except when we are by ourselves. Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we

5. knowingly choose which signs to give to other men and women. A man wearing a button up shirt, for example, is not necessarily wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the sign that he is wealthy. Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is indicating that he is okay with subsequent convention. Signals matter. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my attention. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the entire party dancing and flirting. We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria later that week. I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. Initially I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they had dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a guy. I was that guy. I did not care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized that we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a sign at the party did not match her personality in any way. We finished the date cordially and moved on. Choosing your signs is great, but choosing false signals not so much. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You do not need to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you don't want to let them know about how you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You want to tell them about the way you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't want to let them know about how you ran over your cat. First impressions matter. Crafting a good description is perhaps the toughest and personal bit of improving your online dating profile. There's absolutely no ideal answer, but there are some incorrect answers. The first step to getting a good dating profile description is using a clear structure. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 components: Headline: A brief sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A bit longer description that gives some color to your interests and character. Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something you can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you don't want guys messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with.

6. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating programs the way they surf social media sites: quickly and without much thought. It could be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar way. Due to this, I think the headline is possibly the most important piece of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that is right for you. After a lot of testing I discovered that this one worked best for me: The objective of the headline is to provide a fast snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and short acts like a stop sign for the individual who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. If you ask any top-performing marketer,"how do I create content which will be successful?" It is likely that they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, terrific content is about respecting the medium that you're creating the content for. By way of example, if I went up to a woman in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she'll definitely get up and leave. The reverse is true for online dating, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and be certain it is quintessentially you. The Intro Paragraph Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you can begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to compose a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your picture and headline being the first two. The intro paragraph provides a small amount of colour and perhaps some talking points that you two can discuss in chat (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to include if you want to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favorite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I really like learning about new and businesses ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss.

7. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a couple of basic activities and hobbies I enjoy as well as some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic actions that could apply to pretty much anybody. I can not tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I like hanging out with friends, watching movies, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I'm positive there are people in the world who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of those folks in your area enjoy both those things too. Rather than attempting to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can find common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For instance in my description above: -- Many people like being outside and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they have viewed your content. In dating, you essentially want the individual to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I've found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making first contact. I have heard countless stories of girls who have paired with a man who they really like, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, they say that they don't know what to say or they don't want to appear desperate. Butobviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have an individual section that states: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other online dating programs too. My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you are an interesting person who likes to play outside." Again, as with all this information, when in doubt just check it out. Try having a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. When they don't, simply delete it.

8. The attractiveness of dating programs is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for instance, you have tens of thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making initial talking and contact The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you are trying to start a new relationship. For starters, it's a really unnatural method of communicating, since it's been proven that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It makes sense then that if you take countless people and put them in an unnatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online relationship, then it is a good idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the chance to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply wouldn't have been able to determine if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I will spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a good opener from a bad one. QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best? A) "Hey! What is it going?" (or some other variation of this sort of question). How did you like X book?" (based on a book they listed in their profile) I will let you consider it for a second. (I will add some distance before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer

9. And the answer is... If you guessed D, then you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst response.) In order of best to worst, the answers are B, D, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that obviously depends if they've put a book in their profile. You can modify this to ask about some other part of their profile, like a movie or a place in their own pictures. The reason I guess the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I can use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x publication? I'm now reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt a lot more natural and moved past a few messages. The second best choice,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works nearly as well, but it's obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). An alternate version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it's because it sounds too much like I am about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think of something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and another person has responded, it's time to have a conversation. Every conversation varies, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as suggestions. First, some online dating suggestions for men: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that noise objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation just like you want a friend. DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own thoughts. Among the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Make sure that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Irrespective of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You are..." will only result in a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I have tried to be nice and friendly, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they normally don't have any clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and direct the conversation in a positive direction.

10. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you're tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then be certain to ask the guy about things he's interested in also. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to put a lot more thought into their text messages than guys do. If a man says something that looks weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he didn't either. Now a suggestion for both parties: Try to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a excellent tool to meet someone, but it is just that. It is a tool, it isn't actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. So, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about having a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too in case you know how to set up great dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online part of dating, I soon realized that securing the date is just half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your residence. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. In which you have your date determines about 50--70 percent of the results of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date? As it turns out, it's actually at the most commonly selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. But remember, I was completely new to dating so I was just following what I'd seen in movies. Most of them didn't go well, but I was not certain why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and pricey ) dates, I determined that I should experiment with several other locations. What occurred next was totally mind blowing. It was not that I was doing anything differently or that I was picking better girls to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a desk. You start speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You are not ready to order since you have been talking. The waiter

11. gives you"another minute." You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You continue talking. You talk and talk. Then you run out of things to talk about. What should you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking. A dinner date provides no options. It's a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost instantly. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that most of us are getting worse at getting in-person conversations. Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- person communication skills. Therefore, if we are getting worse at having in-person discussions, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the floor like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a good bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp jolt of the rope on my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it happens, my climbing partner had let go of the rope just as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and did not catch the rope until I had fallen 15 ft to what I was sure was my upcoming death. Eventually the rope eventually stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically. "Okay this date might be a little too exciting," I thought. My whole dating career made a 180-degree turn when I started taking my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between. Some of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most essential elements to a wonderful date spot could be distilled into three categories: Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is changing so that you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Activity -- Can we both do the activity reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one fairly wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but be sure it is not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she is not afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No problem, how can we end the date sooner? With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on. Now I know what you're thinking,"This guy took women out to the same places like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?" No.

12. This was my go-to order, but, depending on interests, I would substitute unique activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was simply a template that simplified my choices and reduced the cognitive load I was putting on my brain. Happy brain = Happy dates. So here is my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday from the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food preferences. Then (if you're a guy) you have to account for cost of meals. Off the grid accomplishes this since there are over 20 distinct types of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it lets you walk around, people watch, and get drinks. Feel like going all out? Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach. Why I like it: What these activities had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between talking and activity. If we did a picnic on the beach, we can go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a girl had made it #3, it meant I actually liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal event so we could both dress well for that special night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a woman didn't like science and facts it likely would not work out between us anyway. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few tips on what to look for on every date as you try to create your own dating sequence: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places don't make for great conversation. Be sure that you can reliably go to this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Make sure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You've broken the ice and you've both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you will both like that isn't too tricky. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations. Date #3: You confirmed you like each other, it is time to take it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it should confirm whether or not you want to keep on seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you choose provides new intimacy to the relationship. For instance, if I didn't go to the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right Perhaps one of the most crucial pieces of the online dating puzzle that I see men screw up again and again is time. Assuming the man is the one driving the relationship sequence (which is not necessarily the case) there are

13. some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss? When should you sleep together? Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. I'll share my experience (as a heterosexual man living in San Francisco) and you can make whatever adjustments you deem appropriate. The main thing is to actually think about timing, as opposed to leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It's very easy to let a great online conversation die out. You message her, she messages you, back and forth, forth and back. To be able to make certain that I don't waste all my time with online conversations I found that it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of the digital world too long. It might feel like it's necessary, but it's quite easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, functioning as"the new man" at a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. One thing that I discovered is that every time they were ending a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week after that?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" another meeting to the calendar with the choice of cancelling if needed. When I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always request the next date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting a lot of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people do not mind if you do not like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion is to stop playing games, both with the other person and on your own. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them you are not prepared to date at this time. I had a woman tell me and it was the simplest let down I've ever experienced and utilized it later myself also ). I should pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to constantly text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. He explained,"Girls are like shadows, the more you chase them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the longer they pursue you."

14. If you find someone who you want to be with really badly, do not scare them away by being obsessive. If they like you too, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively try to set up a date, but there's no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week. Allow the relationship to have some breathing room. A good way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa. There is a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it also. In a number of studies, anthropologists have found that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the people in that relationship have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing telephone patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that humans will also invest more effort into relationships when there is a probability of that relationship weakening. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse in between dates, paradoxically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for dating that I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This sequence meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for enough time for the connection to mature and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of this post, these relationship strategies helped me tremendously, but depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your procedure may need to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come out of dating. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it is imperative to have a system in place that will assist you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply jump and hold on. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less intense rides can help you enjoy the ride a good deal more. As we often discuss on the podcast, even when you let go of expectations and just make your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread.

15. Similar to the advice of world wide investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and minimize your chance of catastrophic failure. A means of doing that is by going on dates which aren't just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your relationship partner behaves, at least you will have a good time doing something interesting. And, to decrease the risk, you should build both an outreach and relationship sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Find a few activities you enjoy doing and then fit the dates into those activities. This is also a wonderful way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term. Naturally, regardless of how well I did all the above items, I still had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal plan being just one of several. Dating is a rollercoaster that will frighten you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But bear in mind, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You are not as bad as they say you are, you are also not as good as you think you are." Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your connection with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more folks can find it. And, if you've any more questions about relationship, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the show.