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1. I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me directly in the eyes and smiled. Still, no reply. At that moment I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it was not hers either. Apparently, as I discovered afterwards, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal plan." The meal program, if you're not familiar with it, is when women go on dates with guys merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone on until there: all 37 dates to be precise. How could women take advantage of me like this? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first place. As I matured in my online relationship, however, I understood that this was actually a reaction for what men do to women. Online dating sucks, but... There are three major levers in our lives which, if we pull on them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this firsthand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I quit the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating newcomer. I was depressed. After 9 months of misery and frustration I was going to give up on online dating all together. One dayI was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene triggered and a little voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you are not. You are going to kick on online dating's ass!" I started to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I began creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the whole process I took to master online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so you can not only get dates, but possibly discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process might need to be different than the below. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions

2. that come from dating and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet fascinating people and do interesting things," you'll be much more likely to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you may end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that mad, but perhaps they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Notice: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I pay a whole lot of these approaches as we navigate the current struggles and embarrassments of his own dating trip (and answer listener questions). The absolute most frequent error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their target clearly. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we are looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario that I've found is that both women and men that are searching for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. Basically, so as to maximize for receiving dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photos. Now I would like to be clear, there's nothing wrong with women having"promiscuous" photos online. The problem, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a relationship and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual clues much faster than written clues. In fact, they've found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles hide most information other than the profile photograph until a user clicks, resulting in provocative photos sets a bad first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up on your instagram, leading together on your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong sort of guy. There are also plenty of classy ways to have interesting pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was trying to locate a relationship, her photographs were sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox. Every man who has done online dating will testify to the struggle of getting a girl to swipe right on their profile, let alone to make them participate in a conversation. Guys, this is completely your own fault. I've seen men spend hours talking about the statistics of their favourite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will influence the team's chances.

3. However, when it comes to online dating, guys have a tendency to slap a few pictures on their profile and then start swiping like orangutans until their fingers develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you start creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to attain. Are you trying to date a great deal of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will interest no one." The techniques I'll outline below work for either desired result, but the choices you make will significantly affect your"conversion" rate. By way of example, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months later that, while it's good to go on a lot of dates and get practice dating (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I had been dating the perfect folks. Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of some more"meal plans" STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it is projected that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make up our mind about if we like the person in less than 1 second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They do not get to hear you talk. They do not get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it is a thing). All you get is one picture and there is a 99% chance it's the wrong one. If one is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to test is the profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of these said that my first picture wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not sure how I could test multiple pictures considering I could only put one as the default. The response: testing across programs. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr. I retained my profile description the same on each profile, but I put up another profile picture on each. I rotated the images across profiles until I could get a big enough sample size and be certain that the platform wasn't effecting results.

4. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a film that I didn't read into, pic B, was really a massive turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they answered,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found out this, because the two girls in that photo are actually good friends of mineso that I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photos can be your biggest blind spot. To completely test this idea out, I really enrolled a few friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. This is a super easy optimization that can look like a pain today, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often. Top Tip: If you would like to speed up this process, you can actually ask your matches exactly what they think of your pictures. If a conversation with a game wasn't going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself" Now, a part of the error may be my fault, since I took his advice very literally. I began to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wished to act. This turned out to be a very bad idea. With no filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I've come to understand that there is a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our complete selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we

5. actively choose which signals to give to other men and women. A guy wearing a button up top, as an instance, is not always wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the signal that he's wealthy. Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she does not want to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is signaling that he is okay with subsequent convention. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my attention. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked really cute. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the whole party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria later that week. I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. At first I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. I was that guy. I didn't care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized that we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a signal at the party did not match her personality at all. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on. Signals matter. Choosing your signs is good, but choosing false signals not so much. You don't want to lie, but you also don't want to be your complete self. You need to tell them about how you collect classic records, you don't want to let them know about the way you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You want to tell them about the way you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not want to tell them about how you ran over your cat. Crafting a good description is perhaps the most difficult and personal bit of improving your online dating profile. There is no right answer, but there are some wrong answers. The first step to having a great dating profile description is using a very clear structure. I break down a dating profile description into 3 components: Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that gives some colour to your interests and character. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something you two can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you don't want guys messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with. The Headline

6. Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social networking sites: quickly and without much thought. It could be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar way. Due to this, I think the headline is possibly the most important bit of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: The goal of the headline is to give a quick snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and short functions like a stop sign for the person who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. It is likely that they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, great content is all about respecting the medium that you are creating the content for. For instance, if I went up to a girl in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she'll definitely get up and leave. The opposite is true for online relationship, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and make sure that it is quintessentially you. After that initial curiosity is peaked, you should start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to compose a book about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your headline and picture being the first two. The intro paragraph provides a small amount of color and perhaps some talking points that you can talk about in chat (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to include if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favorite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I really like learning about businesses and new ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My perfect Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at Promenade cafe." This paragraph outlines a couple of basic hobbies and activities I like as well as some non-standard items like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anybody. I can not tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching movies, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I'm sure that there are people on earth who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the people in your area enjoy both those things too.

7. Rather than attempting to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to find common ground, but also things that are uniquely you. For example in my description above: -- Many people like being outside and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they have viewed your content. In dating, you basically want the person to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I have found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making initial contact. I have heard countless stories of women who have matched with a man who they really like, but the man never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to seem desperate. But, obviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have an individual section that states: My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you're an interesting person who likes to play outside." Again, as with this information, when in doubt just test it out. Try using a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. If they don't, just delete it. The attractiveness of dating programs is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a connection, as you would if you went to a pub for instance, you have thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making initial talking and contact where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to chat online as your first conversation is a massive limitation when you're trying to start a new relationship. For one thing, it is a very unnatural way of communicating, because it's been proven that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It is logical then that when you take millions of people and set them in an unnatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a fantastic

8. relationship through online relationship, then it is a good idea to research your results a little bit. As I got better at optimizing my profile, I started matching with more and more people. This gave me the opportunity to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just wouldn't have been able to determine if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible thoughts I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a poor one. A) "Hey! What is it going?" How was your weekend?" C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or any other variation of the type of question). How did you like X book?" (based on a book they listed in their profile) I will allow you to consider it for a second. (I'll add some distance before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response And the answer is... If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the replies are B, D, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that clearly depends if they have put a book in their profile. You can modify this to ask about some other part of their profile, like a movie or a location in their pictures. The reason why I guess that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I can use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x

9. publication? (This is how I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and moved beyond a few messages. The second best option,"Hey! Works nearly as well, but it's obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). An alternative version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it's because it seems too much like I am going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and the other person has responded, it is time to have a dialogue. Every conversation varies, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as hints. First, some online dating suggestions for men: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that noise objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation just like you would with a friend. DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own ideas. Among the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You are..." will only result in a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I've tried to be friendly and nice, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the dialogue, they do. And they usually don't have any clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and direct the conversation in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you're tired of discussions feeling like interviews, then make sure that you ask the man about things he is interested in also. It takes two to tango. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to place a good deal more thought into their text messages than men do. If a man says something that looks weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a proposal for the two parties: Try to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a great tool to fulfill someone, but it's just that. It is a tool, it is not actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two short

10. conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. Thus, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about having a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the apps, but also get them off quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too in case you know how to set up great dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online part of dating, I soon realized that procuring the date is just half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well the date goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your residence. Where you have your date decides about 50--70% of the results of the date. But a question... Where is the worst place to have a date? As it turns out, it is actually at the most frequently selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But bear in mind, I was completely new to dating so I was only following what I had seen in movies. Many of them did not go well, but I wasn't sure why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and pricey ) dates, I determined that I should experiment with several other locations. What happened next was absolutely mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates enhanced tremendously. It wasn't that I was doing anything differently or that I had been picking better women to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You sit down at a desk. You begin speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You are not ready to order because you've been talking. The waiter provides you"another moment." You examine the menu making comments about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You continue talking. You talk and talk. Then you run out of things to talk about. What do you do next? You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk!

11. A dinner date provides no choices. It is a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost instantly. This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in-house communication abilities. So, if we are getting worse at getting in-person discussions, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact you will be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? 3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that relationship could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I was holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet above the floor like a giant cat toy. My fingers began to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to Visit this site the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this will be a good bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp jolt of the rope in my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it happens, my climbing partner had let go of the rope just as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and did not catch the rope until I had dropped 15 ft to what I was certain was my forthcoming death. Eventually the rope finally stopped and I felt a massive jolt, both physically and emotionally. "Okay this date may be a little too exciting," I thought. My whole dating career made a 180-degree turn once I began carrying my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. A number of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most crucial elements to a wonderful date spot could be distilled into three categories: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your landscape is changing so that you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Action -- Can we do the activity reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one pretty wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but be certain it is not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she isn't afraid of heights first.

12. Scalability -- Would the date increase or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No problem, how can we end the date sooner? With these three criteria, I crafted a three date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on. I know what you are thinking,"This man took women out to the very same places like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to order, but, depending on interests, I'd substitute unique activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was simply a template which simplified my decisions and reduced the cognitive load I was putting on my brain. Happy brain = Happy dates. So here is my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday from the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food tastes. Then (if you are a man ) you've got to account for cost of meals. Off the grid solves this since there are over 20 distinct kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. It is possible to extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Feel like going all out? Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a few go-tos, namely: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach. Why I like it: What these activities had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between activity and talking. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I actually liked her. It also meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, plus it was a semi-formal occasion so we can both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a woman did not like science and facts it probably wouldn't work out between us anyway. As an added bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the night. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to look for on every date as you try to create your own dating sequence: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places don't make for great conversation. Make certain that you can reliably visit this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Ensure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book a person's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you have both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you will both like that is not too difficult. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence where you

13. alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limits. Date #3: You confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it should confirm whether you want to keep on seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you choose provides new intimacy to the relationship. For instance, if I did not visit the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe among the most crucial pieces of the internet dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is time. Assuming the guy is the one driving the relationship sequence (which isn't necessarily the case) there are a few questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you sleep together? Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually consider timing, as opposed to leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It's very easy to let a great online conversation die out. You message her, she messages you, back and forth, back and forth. To be able to make certain that I do not waste all my time with internet conversations I found it was best to ask a woman to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of this virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's very easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, working as"the new guy" at a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff. Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would use their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi-million dollar accounts. One thing I noticed is that every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week after that?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" another meeting into the calendar with the choice of cancelling if desired. Once I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to a pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always request the next date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting plenty of uncertainty. No one likes uncertainty.

14. No one likes to look at their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals do not mind if you do not like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion is to stop playing games, both with another person and on your own. If you don't, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them that you are not prepared to date at this time. I had a girl tell me this and it was the simplest let down I have ever experienced and used it later myself too). I should pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they have just met and then they proceed to text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. Stop Chasing Shadows When I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He told me,"Women are like shadows, the more you chase them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the longer they pursue you." If you find someone who you would like to be with really badly, don't frighten them away by being obsessive. If they like you as well, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously attempt to establish a date, but there's no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week. Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa. There's a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it also. In several studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans. By data mining cell phone records and comparing telephone patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that humans may also invest more effort into relationships when there is a probability of that relationship weakening. I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, paradoxically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for relationship I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable

15. This sequence meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the relationship to grow and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of this post, these dating strategies helped me tremendously, but based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your procedure might have to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come out of relationship. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it's imperative to have a system in place that will assist you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply hop on and hold on. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less extreme rides will help you enjoy the ride a good deal more. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, even when you let go of expectations and only make your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Similar to the advice of world-class investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and minimize your chance of catastrophic failure. A means of doing that is by going on dates which are not just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your dating partner behaves, at least you'll have a good time doing something fun. And, to decrease the risk, you need to build both an outreach and dating sequence so that you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then fit the dates into these activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term. Naturally, irrespective of how well I did all of the above things, I had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal plan being just one of several. Dating is a rollercoaster that will scare you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But bear in mind, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You're never as bad as they say you are, you are also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed this post, I'd super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more folks can discover it. And, if you've any more questions about dating, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the show.