10 Fundamentals About jak podrywać na badoo You Didn't Learn in School

1. THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: Tips, tricks, and manipulations to navigate the pains and pitfalls I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Still, no response. At that moment I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely was not my best moment, but it was not hers either. Apparently, as I found out later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal plan." The meal plan, if you're not familiar with it, is when girls go on dates with guys just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone until there: all 37 dates to be precise. How could women take advantage of me like that? As I matured in my online relationship, however, I understood that this was actually a response for what men do to women. Online dating sucks, but... There are three significant levers in our lives that, if we pull them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation. I learned this firsthand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I stopped the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating newcomer. I was scarred. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a small voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you're not. You are going to kick online dating's ass!" I began to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I started creating what I called,"The Process." In this blog post I'll take you through the entire process I took to master online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so you can not only get dates, but maybe discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I should preface that based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process might need to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from dating and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you

2. will be more inclined to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you may end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that crazy, but perhaps they are, I will leave it for you to judge. Notice: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a whole lot of these strategies as we browse the current struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship journey (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The absolute most common error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their goal obviously. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we're looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario that I've discovered is that both women and men that are searching for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with online dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She's an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating website. Basically, so as to maximize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photos. Now I want to be clear, there is nothing wrong with women having"promiscuous" photos online. The problem, in the case of dating, is the format of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual cues much faster than written clues. In actuality, they have found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles hide most information aside from the profile photograph until a user clicks, resulting in provocative photographs sets a poor first impression. So, while it's totally fine to have sexy photos up in your instagram, leading together in your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong sort of guy. Additionally, there are plenty of classy ways to have intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Online dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy So, although Maddy was trying to locate a relationship, her photographs were only sending signals that she's

3. searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 For men, we tend to have the opposite issue. Every guy who has done online dating will testify to the struggle of getting a girl to swipe directly on their profile, let alone to get them to engage in a conversation. Men, this is completely your own fault. I've seen men spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, and even how financial reports will influence the team's chances. However, when it comes to online dating, men have a tendency to slap a few pictures in their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans till their palms develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you start creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to achieve. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you trying to find a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I will outline below work for either desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a great deal of dates (3-- 4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months after that, while it's good to go on a great deal of dates and get practice relationship (recall I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I was dating the perfect folks. Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of some more"meal programs " STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it is estimated that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make our mind up about if we like the person in less than 1 second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They don't get to hear you talk. They do not get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it is a thing). All you get is 1 picture and there is a 99% chance it is the wrong one.

4. If a person is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to test is your profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image was not my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not certain how I could test multiple pictures considering that I could only put one as the default. The response: testing across programs. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr. I kept my profile description the same on each profile, but I set up another profile image on each. I rotated the images across profiles until I could find a large enough sample size and be sure that the platform was not effecting results. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a film that I did not read into, pic B, was actually a huge turn off for pretty much 100% of women. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they replied,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found this out, because the two girls in that photo are actually good friends of mine, so that I never would have made this connection. Sometimes your photographs can be your biggest blind spot. To completely test out this idea, I really enrolled a few friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change their profile pictures. They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super simple optimization that may seem to be a pain now, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20% of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often. Top Tip: If you want to speed up this process, you can really ask your games what they think of your pictures. If a conversation with a game was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) Now, a part of this error may be my fault, since I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wished to act. This turned out to be a horrible idea.

5. With no filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to realize that there is a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our total selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signals to give to other men and women. A man wearing a button up top, as an example, isn't necessarily wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the sign that he is wealthy. Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she does not wish to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is indicating that he is okay with following convention. Signals matter. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my attention. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked very cute. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the entire party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria later that week. I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. Initially I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they had dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a man. I was that guy. I did not care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a signal at the party didn't match her personality at all. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on. Signals matter. Choosing your signals is great, but picking false signals not so much. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You do not want to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect classic records, you do not want to let them know about how you cry every time a U2 tune comes on. You need to tell them about the way you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't want to tell them about how you ran over your cat. First impressions matter.

6. Crafting a good description is perhaps the most difficult and personal bit of improving your online dating profile. There is absolutely no right answer, but there are some wrong answers. The first step to getting a great dating profile description is having a clear structure. I break down a dating profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A brief sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some color to your interests and personality. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something you can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you do not want men messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with. Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating programs the way they surf social media sites: fast and without much thought. It might be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar manner. Because of this, I think the headline is perhaps the most important piece of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active." The goal of the headline is to give a fast snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the individual who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. If you ask any top-performing marketer,"how do I create content which will be successful?" Chances are they'll laugh at the question. As any solid content marketer knows, great content is about respecting the medium that you're creating the content for. By way of instance, if I went up to a girl in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she will definitely get up and leave.

7. The opposite is true for online dating, however. You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and make sure that it is quintessentially you. The Intro Paragraph After that initial curiosity is peaked, you can begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to compose a book about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your headline and picture being the first two. The intro paragraph gives a small amount of colour and perhaps some talking points that you can talk about in conversation (again, ladies, this is extremely important to include if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as you can! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I really like learning about businesses and new ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a couple of basic hobbies and activities I enjoy and some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The most important thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic actions that could apply to pretty much anybody. "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I am positive that there are people on earth who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of the people in your area enjoy both those things too. As opposed to attempting to fit in, attempt to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can discover common ground, but also things that are uniquely you. For instance in my description above: -- Many people like being outdoors and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about businesses or Tim Ferriss.

8. The Call To Action This is optional, although it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they have viewed your content. In relationship, you essentially want the individual to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I have found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making first contact. I have heard countless stories of women who have matched with a guy who they really like, but the man never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they don't want to seem desperate. But, obviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have an individual section that says: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other internet dating apps too. Again, as with this information, when in doubt just check it out. Try having a call to action and see if your conversations improve. If they don't, simply delete it. The beauty of dating apps is that instead of having 1--5 chances to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for instance, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making first contact and chatting The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a massive limitation when you are trying to start a new relationship. For starters, it is a very unnatural way of communicating, because it's been shown that we receive 55% of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It makes sense then that when you take countless people and set them in a supernatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online dating, then it is a fantastic idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the chance to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just wouldn't have been able to determine if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I will spare you some of the terrible thoughts I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a poor one. QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best?

9. A) "Hey! What is it going?" How was your weekend?" (or some other variation of the sort of question). D) "Hey! (based on a book they listed in their profile) I will let you consider it for a second. (I'll add some distance before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response And the answer is... If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst response.) In order of best to worst, the replies are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found that the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that clearly depends if they've put a book in their profile. You can alter this to ask about some other part of the profile, such as a picture or a location in their own pictures. The reason I suspect that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it shows that you read. If I may use the book opener to start a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? (This is the way I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and went beyond a few messages. The second best choice,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works almost as well, but it's obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday). An alternate version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it's because it seems too much like I am about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting.

10. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and the other person has responded, it is time to have a conversation. Every dialog changes, but there are some guidelines that I'll put in here as hints. First, some online dating tips for guys: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation like you would with a friend. DO attempt to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own thoughts. One of the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Irrespective of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You're..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation. Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I have tried to be nice and friendly, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they usually have no clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and direct the dialogue in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you're tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then make sure to ask the man about things he's interested in as well. It takes two to tango. DON'T make judgments too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to place a good deal more thought into their text messages than men do. If a guy says something that looks weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a suggestion for both parties: Try to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a great tool to meet someone, but it is just that. It's a tool, it is not actual dating. My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. So, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about having a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too if you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online part of dating, I soon realized that securing the date is only half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well the date goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your residence.

11. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. Where you have your date decides about 50--70% of the results of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date? As it happens, it's actually at the most commonly selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. But bear in mind, I was completely new to dating so I was only following what I had seen in movies. Many of them didn't go well, but I wasn't certain why. After a dozen or so awkward (and pricey ) dates, I determined that I should experiment with several other locations. What happened next was totally mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates improved tremendously. It wasn't I was doing anything differently or that https://mariocxve877.weebly.com/blog/15-things-your-boss- wishes-you-knew-about-tinder-vs-badoo I was choosing better girls to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a table. You begin talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You continue to talking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You're not ready to order since you've been talking. The waiter provides you"another minute." You examine the menu making comments about the choices. The server comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You then run out of things to discuss. What do you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no options. It is a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost instantly. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that most of us are getting worse at getting in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- house communication abilities. Therefore, if we're getting worse at having in-person conversations, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet above the floor like a giant cat toy. My fingers started to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this will be a great bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp jolt of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity.

12. As it turns out, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope just as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't catch the rope until I had fallen 15 feet to what I was certain was my forthcoming death. Finally the rope finally stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both physically and emotionally. "Okay this date might be a little too exciting," I thought. My entire dating career made a 180-degree turn when I started taking my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between. A number of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most essential elements to a wonderful date spot could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is changing so that you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" Activity -- Can we both do the action reasonably well? I've seen men get this one pretty wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but be certain it is not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she is not afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Would the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! No chemistry? No problem, how can we end the date sooner? With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence which nearly doubled the number of successful dates I went on. I know what you're thinking,"This man took women out to the same areas like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?" This was my go-to order, but, based on interests, I'd substitute different activities to keep the dates interesting. This was simply a template that simplified my choices and reduced the cognitive load I was putting in my mind. So here's my perfect dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday by the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food tastes. Then (if you are a man ) you've got to account for cost of meals. Off the grid accomplishes this because there are over 20 distinct kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach. Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between activity and talking. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all

13. requirements, also it was a semi-formal occasion so we can both dress nicely for that particular night. This was also my secret test because if a woman did not like science and facts it probably wouldn't work out between us anyway. As an additional bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the evening. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to look for on every date as you try to make your own dating arrangement: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places don't make for good conversation. Make sure that you can reliably go to this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Ensure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book a person's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You've broken the ice and you've both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you will both like that is not too difficult. Avoid intimidating actions like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations. Date #3: You confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a bit more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it ought to confirm whether or not you want to keep on seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you choose gives new intimacy to the relationship. By way of instance, if I didn't visit the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right maybe among the most crucial pieces of the online dating mystery that I see guys screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the man is the one driving the dating sequence (which isn't always the case) there are some questions you will need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? When should you go for the kiss? When should you sleep together? Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most helpful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually think about timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It is quite easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message , she messages youback and forth, back and forth. In order to make sure that I do not waste all my time with internet conversations I found that it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of constant conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of the digital world too long. It might feel like it's necessary, but it's very easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, functioning as"the new man" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff.

14. Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would utilize their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi- million dollar accounts. One thing that I noticed is that every time they were ending a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no great too. Okay how about the week then?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" another meeting to the calendar with the choice of cancelling if desired. Once I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always request the second date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting plenty of uncertainty. No one likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals don't mind if you do not like them, they just want to know. So my suggestion would be to quit playing games, both with the other person and on your own. If you don't, have the respect to let them know you do not. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them you aren't prepared to date right now. I had a woman tell me and it was the simplest let down I've ever experienced and used it later myself too). I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. Stop Chasing Shadows once I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He explained,"Girls are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the longer they chase you." If you find someone who you want to be with really badly, don't scare them away by being obsessive. If they like you too, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously try to set up a date, but there is no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week. Permit the relationship to get some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There's a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there's even scientific proof for it also. In several studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans.

15. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing telephone patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that humans will also invest more effort into relationships if there is a risk of that connection weakening. I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, ironically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for relationship I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- factor This arrangement meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the relationship to grow and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, these dating approaches helped me tremendously, but depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process might need to be different than the one above. In fact, because relationship is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it's vital to have a system in place to help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply jump and continue. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less extreme rides can allow you to enjoy the ride a good deal more. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just create your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the advice of world wide investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and decrease your chance of catastrophic failure. A means of doing this is by going on dates which are not just sit-down dinners, so that no matter how your dating partner behaves, at least you will have a fantastic time doing something fun. And, to minimize the risk, you should build both an outreach and relationship sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you enjoy doing and then fit the dates into those activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run. Naturally, irrespective of how well I did all the above things, I had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal program being just one of several. But remember, once you're feeling down and enjoy giving up on love altogether: "You are never as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your

16. conversations, your dates, and your relationship with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed this post, I'd super love if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more people can discover it. And, if you have any more questions about dating, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.