What is POLYAMORY?

1. What is POLYAMORY? An intro to Poly.

2. Polyamory By definition: • polyamory, n. • poly • am • ory • The act of having simultaneous close emotional relationships with two or more other individuals, viewed as an alternative to monogamy, esp. in regard to matters of sexual fidelity; the custom or practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the knowledge and consent of all partners concerned.

3. Polyamory by practice

4. Common Types of Poly Relationships • Primary- The person accorded the most importance in a person’s relationships. • Secondary- The person (or persons) in the relationship who, either by intent or by circumstance, have a relationship which is given less in terms of time, energy, and priority in a person’s life than a primary relationship. • Tertiary: A person (or persons) in a relationship which is generally quite casual. • Dyad: A relationship between 2 people • Triad :A relationship between 3 people connected intimately to each other • V: A relationship structure between 3 people where one is the hinge and the others are the arms. • Quad: A relationship structure between 4 people. • Tribe/Group/family/pod/: A relationship structure between at least 4 people where all interact on some level. • Solo: Based in Personal responsibility. One person dates others who may or may not be dating anyone else. This Solo is not part of a coupled relationship.

5. What Poly shouldn’t be confused with. • While there are many ways to practice Polyamory, and each way is valid, there are some things the poly community would like to differentiate themselves from. In doing so it will help remove stigmas and create a better understanding of who we are and what we do. Here are a few of these: • Swingers • Cheaters • Casual Sex/hook ups • Religious Cults/Sects • Freaky, sex craved, deviants • Culture of oppression

6. Legal Concerns There are currently no known cases in criminal court that dealing with specific Polyamory being the cause of charges. Most lawyers, and poly leaders believe that these laws would not stand muster of constitutional review if they were brought to court. Much more commonly, what occurs is Child Protective Services ae called to investigate the household for neglect or other concern. In the majority of these cases, we have learned that CPS/DFACS has left and dropped the case having found no substantial evidence of neglect or harm potential to the child(ren). Most frequently the report has come from a family member outside the home who doesn’t approve of the relationship structure. The 10th District Federal Court has ruled in favor of multiple partner relationships. IN Brown v. Buhman the Justice struck down Utah’s anti Polygamy law as unconstitutional under the 14th amendment. Polyamorous groups were enumerated in that case as well.

7. Polyamory –The people who practice it. Polyamory is practiced by many different types of people. Styles vary from a family model to individuals practicing solo poly.

8. Who are Polyamorists? • Polys are everyone. They come from all races, genders, economic, religious, and educational levels. • Gay, Lesbian, Straight, Trans, Bi, Queer, and all other shades of the rainbow. • We are your neighbors, IT people, bankers, yoga instructors and mechanics. In fact you probably know someone who is poly and just don’t know they are poly. We have bills, responsibilities and morals. • And some of us like wear silly hats in public. 

9. What do Poly People want? • Relationship recognition- Some Polys are working towards relationship recognition. Meaning that they want to be able to form relationship with out judgment and or prosecution from their peers or the government. • Equal Rights- Some polys are working to bring equal rights to poly people. While this is likely 20 or more years from being a reality these people work everyday to bring awareness to the issues caused by inequality. • Acceptance- Simply put, To be accepted as they are. Human beings with feelings, and the ability to form relationships.

10. Why are people Poly? Reasons people choose to practice polyamory. • Unlimited Care and Love. Many want to be surrounded by as many lovers as they can be. To build a support structure that will be there at all times. • Others prefer a few close lovers who they know they can count on if needed. • Financial support. Having multiple incomes in a household can help lesson the burden should one income fall. • Some people can not be responsibly monogamous. They just aren’t wired that way. By choosing negotiated non mono relationships, they give themselves the happiness they so deserve. • Others enjoy the freedom that it gives to determine what types and how many relationships they can have.

11. Poly Skillsets…What does it take to be poly? • The 3 “C’s” of Polyamory • Communication • Communication • Communication • Love • Compassion • Open minded thinking. • Good basis of rational thought. • Genuinely be a good person. • High Ethical and moral standards

12. Children in Poly Households • Vary primarily by age • Young children (5-8) tend to be oblivious to adults’ relationships, more focused on what adults do for the kids • Tweens (9-12) become increasingly aware of family difference, navigate others’ awareness • Teens (13-18) unapologetic for family difference, consider what it means for their own sexuality • Studies show that children of Poly Households are in general no NOR worse off than those of hetero couple based home. In many cases the children were cared for better and had access to more opportunity for success because of the multiple incomes and adult interaction they were able to have.

13. What do the kids think? • Most kids interviewed or asked about their Poly families say they are happy and well cared for. The enjoy having the multiple adults around because as Ashley puts it. “ I like that. Ill always have somebody there.” • http://www.nbcnews.com/watch/nbcnews-com/true-believers-one-big-happy-poly-family-277969475789 • IN Dr Sheff’s 17 year Study she encountered many children willing to talk about their poly families. She put it all in a new book “ The Polyamorists next Door”

14. Myths of Polyamory. Myth: Poly People have no morals. Truth: Poly people have very high morals and nearly all hold themselves to high relationship ethical standards. Myth: Poly people only care about having lots of sex. Truth: While many poly people are more open about their sexual activity its only because they don’t have to hide it. Myth: People do it to save marriages. Truth: A bad marriage cannot be saved by trying Polyamory. In fact it is much more likely to speed the end of it. Myth: Poly people don’t feel jealousy. Truth: Yes they do. However, jealousy is a chance to grow and be a better person. Not end relationships and harm one another. Myth: Poly is about one man having multiple wives/girlfriends. Truth: Polyamory was started out of the feminist movement . Women wanted more control over their own relationships and how to define them. I’d say a higher percentage of relationships are one woman and many men .

15. Where can I find more information about Polyamory? • With the internet as a great tool these days resources are available all over the web. There are a lot of websites that have good information. There are also a lot that are full of misinformation. These are some of our favorite resources: • https://atlantapolyweekend.com/- 3 day conference • http://www.meetup.com/Atlanta-Polyamory/ - Meetup of 1000+ • http://elisabethsheff.com/ Research and information • http://www.morethantwo.com Fantastic resource and Book. • http://www.lovemore.com National 501c-3 • http://polyweekly.com/ Podcast on Polyamory • http://www.polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/ A comprehensive list of all the news stories about Polyamory. • http://Jackelxing.wordpress.com/ Billy Holder’s Blog and classes. • The Relationship Equality Foundation 501 c-3 non profit for the education and awareness of Polyamory and other relationship structure