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1. THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: Tips, tricks, and manipulations to navigate the pains and pitfalls She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Still, no response. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I found out later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal program." The meal program, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when women go on dates with men merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she certainly fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone on until that point: all 37 dates to be exact. Of course at first I was outraged. How could women take advantage of me like this? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first place. As I matured in my internet dating, however, I understood that this was really a reaction for what men do to women. Online dating sucks, but... There are three major levers in our lives which, if we pull on them properly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this first hand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I quit the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year connection with my girlfriend who I believed I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating newcomer. I was depressed. One dayI was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene triggered and a little voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you're not. You're going to kick online dating's ass!" I began to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I started creating what I called,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the whole process I took to learn online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B analyzing your descriptions, starting meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so that you can't only get dates, but possibly discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that based on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process might have to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the

2. emotions that come from dating and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be much more likely to enjoy the process. And, if you are diligent, you might end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that mad, but perhaps they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Notice: You can also hear the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I pay a whole lot of these strategies as we browse the present struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship journey (and answer listener questions). The complete most frequent mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their goal clearly. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we're searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario that I've discovered is that both women and men that are looking for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating website. Basically, so as to maximize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photographs. Now I want to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" pictures online. The issue, in the case of dating, is the format of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual clues much faster than written hints. In actuality, they've found that men who are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information aside from the profile photograph until a user clicks, leading with provocative photos sets a poor first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up in your instagram, leading together in your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong sort of guy. Additionally, there are plenty of classy ways to have interesting pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photos were only sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox. For men, we tend to have the opposite issue. Every man who has done online dating will attest to the struggle of getting a woman to swipe right on their profile, let alone to make them engage in a conversation.

3. Guys, this is completely your own fault. I have seen guys spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, and even how financial reports will influence the team's chances. However, when it comes to online dating, guys have a tendency to slap a few pictures in their profile and then start swiping like orangutans till their palms develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you start creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to attain. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" is not an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will interest no one." The techniques I will outline below work for either desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I only realized months later that, while it is great to go on a lot of dates and get practice relationship (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I was dating the right people. Luckily I realized this before I had been the victim of any more"meal plans" STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it's projected that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make our mind up about whether we like the person in less than one second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They do not get to hear you speak. They don't get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it is a thing). All you get is 1 picture and there is a 99% chance it's the wrong one. If a person is coming online dating as an experiment, naturally the first thing to check is the profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way... I went to every female friend I knew and asked her what she thought of my photos.

4. One hundred, and I mean 100% of these said that my first image wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not certain how I could test multiple pictures considering I could only put one as the default option. The response: testing across apps. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I kept my profile description the same on each profile, but I set up a different profile picture on each. I rotated the images across profiles before I could find a large enough sample size and make certain that the platform was not effecting results. Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a picture that I did not read into, pic B, was actually a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they answered,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found this out, because the two girls in that photo are actually good friends of mine, so I never would have made this connection. Sometimes your photos can be your biggest blind spot. To completely test out this idea, I actually enrolled a few friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. jak zacząć rozmowe na portalu randkowym They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super simple optimization that may look like a pain now, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20% of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently. Top Tip: If you want to speed up this process, you can actually ask your matches what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game wasn't going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask

5. recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable Now, a part of this error might be my fault, because I took his advice very literally. I began to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wanted to act. This turned out to be a very bad idea. Without any filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed more than a few people the wrong way. Now that I have matured a bit, I've come to understand that there is a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our complete selves except when we are by ourselves. Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signs to give to other men and women. A guy wearing a button up top, as an instance, is not necessarily wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the sign that he's wealthy. Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she doesn't wish to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is indicating that he is okay with following convention. Signals matter. In college I met a girl at a party who immediately caught my eye. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the whole party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. Initially I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they'd dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a man. I was that man. I did not really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had almost

6. nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a sign at the party did not match her personality at all. We ended the date cordially and moved on. Signals matter. Choosing your signs is great, but picking false signals not so much. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You don't need to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you do not want to tell them about how you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You want to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not need to let them know about how you ran over your cat. Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the most difficult and personal bit of enhancing your online dating profile. There is absolutely no ideal answer, but there are some wrong answers. The first step to getting a great dating profile description is having a clear structure. I break down a dating profile description into 3 components: Headline: A brief sentence somebody can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A bit longer description that gives some color to your interests and personality. Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something you can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you do not want guys messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with. Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating programs the way they surf social media sites: quickly and without much thought. It could be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar manner. Due to this, I think the headline is perhaps the most important piece of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that is right for you. After a lot of testing I discovered that this one worked best for me: The goal of the headline is to give a quick snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and brief functions like a stop sign for the individual who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. If you ask any top-performing marketer,"how do I create content that will be successful?" Chances are they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, terrific content is all about respecting the medium that you are creating the content for. For instance, if I went up to a girl at a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she will definitely get up and leave. The opposite is true for online dating, however. You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and make sure it is

7. quintessentially you. After that initial curiosity is peaked, you should start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to compose a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your picture and headline being the first two. The intro paragraph gives a small amount of colour and possibly some talking points that you two can discuss in chat (again, ladies, this is extremely important to include if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favourite items are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I love learning about new and businesses ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My perfect Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at Promenade cafe." This paragraph outlines a couple of basic hobbies and activities I like and some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The most important thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anyone. I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen that list things like: "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I am sure there are people on earth who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of those folks in your area enjoy those things too. Rather than attempting to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to discover common ground, but also things that are uniquely you. For example in my description above: -- Most people like being outdoors and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. The Call To Action This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In dating, you essentially need the individual to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I've found that a

8. lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making initial contact. I've heard countless stories of girls who have paired with a guy who they really like, but the man never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to appear desperate. But, obviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that says: My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you are an interesting person who likes to play outside." Again, as with all this information, when in doubt just check it out. Try having a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. When they don't, simply delete it. The beauty of dating apps is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for instance, you have thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making first talking and contact The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it comes to the conversation. Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you are trying to begin a new relationship. For one thing, it's a very unnatural way of communicating, since it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication. It is logical then that when you take millions of people and set them in a supernatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a good relationship through online relationship, then it is a fantastic idea to study your results a little bit. This gave me the chance to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply wouldn't have been able to see if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a bad one. What is it going?" B) "Hey! C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or any other variation of this sort of question). D) "Hey! How did you like X book?" (based on a book they listed in their profile)

9. I will allow you to consider it for a second. (I will add some distance before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer And the answer is... If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst response.) In order of best to worst, the answers are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found that the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that obviously depends if they've put a book in their profile. You can alter this to ask about some other part of the profile, like a picture or a location in their own pictures. The reason I guess the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I can use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x publication? I am now reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and moved beyond a few messages. The next best choice,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works almost as well, but it's obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday). An alternate version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it's because it sounds too much like I am about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and the other person has responded, it's time to have a dialogue. Every conversation varies, but there are some guidelines that I'll put in here as suggestions. First, some online dating suggestions for men:

10. DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that noise objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation like you would with a friend. DO attempt to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own ideas. Among the most common complaints I've heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Irrespective of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You are..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I have tried to be friendly and nice, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much guys pretend they don't care about the dialogue, they do. And they normally don't have any clue what they are doing, so offer them some help and guide the dialogue in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you are tired of discussions feeling such as interviews, then be certain to ask the man about things he is interested in also. It takes two to tango. DON'T make judgments too soon. In my experience women tend to place a lot more thought in their text messages than men do. If a guy says something that seems weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a suggestion for both parties: Try to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a excellent tool to meet someone, but it's just that. It is a tool, it isn't actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. So, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the apps, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too if you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online part of dating, I soon realized that securing the date is only half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well the date goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your house. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. Where you have your date determines about 50--70% of the results of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date?

11. As it turns out, it's actually at the most frequently selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant. At first I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. But remember, I was completely new to relationship so I was only following what I had seen in movies. Most of them didn't go well, but I wasn't sure why. After a dozen or so awkward (and expensive) dates, I determined that I should experiment with some other locations. What occurred next was absolutely mind blowing. It wasn't I was doing anything differently or that I had been picking better women to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You sit down at a table. You begin speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You are not ready to order since you have been talking. The waiter gives you"another moment." You examine the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You continue talking. You then run out of things to talk about. What do you do next? You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no choices. It is a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost instantly. This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at getting in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in-person communication skills. So, if we're getting worse at having in-person conversations, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the floor like a giant cat toy. My fingers started to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a good bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp shock of the rope on my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I started falling for what felt like eternity. As it happens, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't grab the rope until I had fallen 15 feet to what I was certain was my forthcoming death. Eventually the rope eventually stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically. My whole dating career made a 180-degree turn when I started carrying my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. I'd take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between. A number of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most crucial elements to a wonderful date place could be distilled into three classes:

12. Walkability -- Do we have to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your landscape is changing so you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Activity -- Can we do the activity reasonably well? I've seen men get this one pretty wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but be sure it's not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing? Make sure she isn't afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Would the date increase or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No issue, how do we end the date sooner? Using these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on. Now I know what you are thinking,"This guy took women out to the same places like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to sequence, but, depending on interests, I would substitute different activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was simply a template that simplified my choices and decreased the cognitive load I was putting in my mind. Happy brain = Happy dates. So here is my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks each Friday from the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food preferences. Then (if you are a guy) you have to account for cost of food. Off the grid accomplishes this since there are over 20 distinct types of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it lets you walk around, people watch, and get drinks. Feel like going all out? Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a few go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach. Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between talking and activity. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night in the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can catch drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was especially important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I really liked her. It also meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal event so we can both dress well for that special night. This was also my secret test because if a girl didn't like facts and science it likely wouldn't work out between us anyway. Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to look for on every date as you attempt to create your own dating

13. sequence: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for good conversation. Be sure that you can reliably visit this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Ensure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you have both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you will both like that is not too tricky. Avoid intimidating actions like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limits. Date #3: You confirmed you enjoy each other, it's time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a bit more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it ought to confirm whether or not you want to keep on seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates one and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the relationship. By way of instance, if I didn't visit the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe one of the most crucial pieces of the internet dating mystery that I see guys screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the guy is the one driving the dating sequence (which isn't always the case) there are a few questions you will need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort your answers may vary. I will share my experience (as a heterosexual man living in San Francisco) and you can make whatever adjustments you deem appropriate. The main thing is to actually think about timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It's very easy to let a great online conversation die out. You message her, she messages youback and forth, back and forth. In order to make sure that I do not waste all my time with online conversations I found it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of constant conversation. Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of this virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's quite easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, functioning as"the new man" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff. Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would utilize their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi- million dollar balances. One thing I noticed is that each and every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week after that?" No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting into

14. the calendar with the choice of cancelling if desired. When I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always request the next date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting plenty of uncertainty. No one likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals do not mind if you don't like them, they just want to know. So my suggestion would be to quit playing games, both with the other person and with yourself. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you do not. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them you aren't prepared to date right now. I had a girl tell me this and it was the easiest let down I've ever experienced and used it later myself also ). I must pause here for a single caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they have just met and then they proceed to constantly text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day. Stop Chasing Shadows When I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He explained,"Women are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the longer they chase you." If you discover someone who you want to be with really badly, don't scare them away by being obsessive. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously try to establish a date, but there is no reason to go on dates every single night of the week. Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A good way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There's a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it as well. In several studies, anthropologists have found that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the people in that relationship have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing telephone patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that people will also invest more effort into relationships when there is a probability of that connection weakening.

15. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse in between dates, ironically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for dating that I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This arrangement meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for enough time for the relationship to mature and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was particularly helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of this post, these relationship strategies helped me tremendously, but based on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your procedure may have to be different than the one above. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it's vital to have a system in place to assist you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply hop on and hold on. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less extreme rides will allow you to enjoy the ride a good deal more. Perhaps the single most important point to bear in mind though is to let go of expectations and treat the process like an experiment. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, even when you let go of expectations and just make your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the help of world-class investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and minimize your risk of catastrophic failure. A means of doing that is by going on dates which are not only sit-down dinners, so that no matter how your relationship partner behaves, at least you will have a good time doing something fun. And, to decrease the risk, you should build both an outreach and dating sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then fit the dates into these activities. This is also a great way to filter out people who aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term.

16. Naturally, regardless of how well I did all the above things, I had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal plan being just one of many. But remember, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You are not as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. If you enjoyed this post, I would super love if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more people can find it. And, if you've any more questions about dating, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.