Undeniable Proof That You Need jak zagadać na tinderze

1. THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: Tips, tricks, and manipulations to Browse the pains and pitfalls I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Still, no response. At that moment I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal plan." The meal plan, if you're not familiar with it, is when women go on dates with guys just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone on until there: all 37 dates to be precise. Of course at first I was outraged. How could women take advantage of me like this? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first location. As I matured in my online relationship, however, I understood that this was really a response for what men do to women. There are 3 significant levers in our lives which, if we pull on them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this firsthand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I quit the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend who I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating novice. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene triggered and a small voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you're not. You're going to kick on online dating's ass!" I started to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating like one big experiment. I began creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I'll take you through the whole process I chose to learn online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so that you can't just get dates, but maybe find the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I should preface that based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process might have to be different than the under. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that

2. come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be more likely to enjoy the procedure. And, if you are diligent, you might end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that mad, but maybe they are, I will leave it for you to judge. Listen to the Modern Dating Show Podcast for more tips, tricks, and embarrassingly real stories. Notice: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I pay a lot of these strategies as we browse the current struggles and embarrassments of his own dating trip (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The complete most common error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their target obviously. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we are searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario I've found is that both men and women that are searching for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their relationship for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to assist her with her OKCupid profile. She is an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating site. Basically, in order to maximize for receiving dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photographs. Now I want to be clear, there's nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" photos online. The problem, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual cues much faster than written clues. In fact, they have found that men who are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles hide most information aside from the profile photo before a user clicks, leading with provocative photographs sets a poor first impression. So, while it's totally fine to have sexy photos up in your instagram, leading together in your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also plenty of classy ways to possess interesting pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind. Online dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photos were sending signals that she is looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4

3. For men, we tend to have the opposite problem. Every guy who has done online dating will attest to the battle of getting a woman to swipe directly on their profile, let alone to get them to engage in a conversation. Guys, this is entirely your own fault. I've seen guys spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will influence the team's chances. However, when it comes to online dating, guys have a tendency to slap a few pictures on their profile and then start swiping like orangutans till their fingers develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to achieve. Are you trying to date a great deal of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will interest no one." The techniques I will outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. For example, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months after that, while it's good to go on a great deal of dates and get practice relationship (recall I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I had been dating the perfect people. Luckily I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal plans." STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions First impressions matter. According to a study from Princeton, it is projected that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make up our mind about whether we like the person in less than one second.

4. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They don't get to hear you speak. They don't get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is 1 picture and there's a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If a person is approaching online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to check is your profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first picture was not my best. It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't sure how I could test numerous pictures considering I could only put one as the default. The response: testing across apps. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr. I retained my profile description the same on each profile, but I put up a different profile image on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles before I could get a large enough sample size and be sure that the platform wasn't effecting results. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a picture that I didn't read much into, pic B, was really a massive turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they answered,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found out this, because the two girls in that photo are really good friends of mine, so I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photos can be your biggest blind spot. To totally test out this idea, I actually enrolled a few friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2

5. This is a super easy optimization that may look to be a pain now, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently. Top Tip: If you would like to speed this process up, you can really ask your games exactly what they think of your pictures. If a conversation with a match was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me perhaps the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself." Now, part of this error might be my fault, because I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wished to act. This turned out to be a horrible idea. Without any filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to understand that there is a difference between being your total self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our total selves except when we are by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signals to give to other men and women. A man wearing a button up top, as an example, is not necessarily wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the signal that he is wealthy. Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she does not want to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is indicating that he is okay with subsequent convention. Signals matter. In college I met a girl at a party who immediately caught my attention. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the entire party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria later that week. I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck. Initially I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. I was that guy.

6. I did not care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized that we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality at all. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on. Signals matter. Choosing your signs is good, but choosing false signals not so much. You do not want to lie, but you also don't want to be your complete self. You want to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you do not need to tell them about how you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You want to tell them about the way you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't need to let them know about how you ran over your cat. First impressions matter. Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the most difficult and personal bit of improving your online dating profile. There is no ideal answer, but there are definitely some incorrect answers. The first step to having a good dating profile description is using a very clear structure. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A short sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A bit longer description that gives some color to your interests and personality. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something you can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you don't want guys messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with. Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating apps the way they surf social networking sites: fast and without much thought. It could be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar way. Due to this, I think the headline is perhaps the most crucial piece of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that is right for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active." The goal of the headline is to give a fast snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the person who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. It is likely that they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, great content is about respecting the medium that you're producing the content for. By way of example, if I went into a woman in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she will definitely get up and leave. The reverse is true for online dating, however. You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and make certain that it is quintessentially you.

7. The Intro Paragraph After that initial curiosity is peaked, you can start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This isn't the time to write a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your headline and picture being the first two. The intro paragraph gives a small amount of colour and perhaps some talking points that you can discuss in chat (again, ladies, this is extremely important to include if you want to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I really like learning about businesses and new ideas. I'm into photography, design, and Tim Ferriss. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe." This paragraph outlines a few basic activities and hobbies I like as well as some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The most important thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anyone. "I like hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I'm sure that there are people in the world who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of those people in your area enjoy both those things too. As opposed to trying to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to discover common ground, but also things that are uniquely you. For instance in my description above: -- Most people like being outdoors and photography. -- But very few people like learning about businesses or Tim Ferriss. This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In dating, you essentially need the person to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I have found that a whole lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making first contact. I have heard countless stories of girls who have matched with a guy who they really like, but the man never

8. messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to appear desperate. The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you. But, obviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that says: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other internet dating apps too. Again, as with all this advice, when in doubt just check it out. Try using a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. When they don't, simply delete it. The attractiveness of dating apps is that instead of having 1--5 chances to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for example, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making initial talking and contact The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to talk online as your first conversation is a massive limitation when you're trying to start a new relationship. For starters, it's a really unnatural method of communicating, because it's been proven that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication. It is logical then that if you take millions of people and put them in an unnatural communication environment you get some pretty unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online dating, then it is a good idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the chance to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just would not have been able to see if I didn't have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let's test how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a bad one. What is it going?" How was your weekend?" (or some other variation of this type of question). D) "Hey!

9. How did you like X book?" (based on a book they listed in their profile) I'll let you consider it for a second. (I will add some space before the answer below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response And the answer is... If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the replies are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that obviously depends if they've put a book in their profile. You can alter this to ask about some other part of the profile, such as a picture or a location in their pictures. The reason why I guess that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it shows that you read. If I can use the book opener to start a conversation I usually also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? I'm currently reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and moved beyond a few messages. The next best option,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works almost as well, but it's obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday). Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it is because it seems too much like I'm about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think of something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and another person has responded, it's time to have a conversation. Every dialog changes, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as hints. First, some online dating tips for guys: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you how many messages my female friends

10. have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation like you would with a friend. DO try to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own thoughts. Among the most common complaints I've heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Make sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her body or appearance. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You are..." will only result in a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation. Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I have tried to be friendly and nice, I've still received quite curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much guys pretend they don't care about the dialogue, they do. And they normally have no clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and guide the dialogue in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you are tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then make sure that you ask the man about things he is interested in as well. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to put a good deal more thought in their text messages than men do. If a man says something that looks weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a proposal for the two parties: Attempt to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a great tool to meet someone, but it's just that. It is a tool, it is not actual dating. My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. So, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about having a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the apps, but also get them off quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too if you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online portion of relationship, I soon realized that securing the date is only half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your house. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. In which you have your date decides about 50--70 percent of the results of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date?

11. As it happens, it is actually at the most commonly selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But remember, I was totally new to relationship so I was only following what I'd seen in movies. Many of them did not go well, but I wasn't certain why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and pricey ) dates, I decided that I should experiment with several other locations. What happened next was absolutely mind blowing. It was not that I was doing anything differently or that I was choosing better girls to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a desk. You begin speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You're not ready to order since you've been talking. The waiter gives you"another moment." You examine the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You continue talking. You talk and talk. Then you run out of things to discuss. What should you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no options. It's a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost instantly. This issue is exacerbated by the fact that most of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in-house communication abilities. Therefore, if we're getting worse at having in-person conversations, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet above the ground like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this will be a good bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp shock of the rope on my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it turns out, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and did not grab the rope until I had fallen 15 ft to what I was certain was my upcoming death. Finally the rope finally stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both physically and emotionally. "Okay this date may be a little too exciting," I thought. My whole dating profession made a 180-degree turn when I began carrying my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between. A number of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most crucial elements to a great date spot could be distilled into three categories:

12. Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your landscape is changing so that you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" Action -- Can we both do the action reasonably well? I've seen men get this one pretty wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but make sure it is not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she is not scared of heights first. Scalability -- Would the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No problem, how can we end the date earlier? With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on. I know what you're thinking,"This guy took women out to the very same places like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to order, but, based on interests, I'd substitute different activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was merely a template that simplified my decisions and reduced the cognitive load I was putting in my mind. Happy brain = Happy dates. So here's my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday by the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food tastes. Then (if you are a man ) you've got to account for cost of food. Off the grid solves this since there are over 20 distinct kinds of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it lets you walk around, people watch, and get drinks. Feel like going all out? Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a few go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: These actions had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between activity and talking. If we did a picnic on the shore, we can go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night at the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can catch drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was especially important because if a woman had made it #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, plus it was a semi-formal event so we could both dress well for that special night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a woman did not like facts and science it probably wouldn't work out between us anyway. As an added bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the night. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating

13. arrangement. Here are a few ideas on what to look for on every date as you try to create your own dating sequence: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for great conversation. Be certain that you can reliably visit this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Make sure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you have both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you'll both like that isn't too difficult. Avoid intimidating actions like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and talking. Click here! Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations. Date #3: You both confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you both really are, and it should confirm whether or not you want to continue seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates and two, there can be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the connection. By way of instance, if I did not go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right Perhaps among the most crucial pieces of the online dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the guy is the one driving the relationship sequence (which is not always the case) there are some questions you will need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss? When should you sleep together? Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually consider timing, as opposed to leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It's quite easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message , she messages you, back and forth, back and forth. To be able to make certain that I don't waste all my time with internet conversations I found it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of the digital world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's very easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, working as"the new man" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. One thing that I discovered is that each and every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week then?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting into the calendar with the choice of cancelling if desired.

14. When I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to a pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always ask for the next date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting a lot of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people do not mind if you do not like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion is to stop playing games, both with the other person and with yourself. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle way to do this is by telling them that you aren't ready to date right now. I had a girl tell me this and it was the easiest let down I have ever experienced and used it later myself too). I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to constantly text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day. He told me,"Women are like shadows, the more you chase them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the more they pursue you." If you find someone who you would like to be with really badly, don't scare them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively attempt to set up a date, but there's no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week. Allow the relationship to get some breathing room. A good way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa. There is a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there's even scientific evidence for it also. In several studies, anthropologists have discovered that lots of primates invest more effort into a relationships if the people in that connection have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing call patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that people may also invest more effort into relationships if there is a probability of that connection weakening. I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, paradoxically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for relationship that I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1

15. Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- factor This arrangement meant that I would spread out the first 3 dates across a one month period. This allowed for enough time for the connection to grow and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was particularly helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, these dating approaches helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your comfort, your procedure might need to be different than the one above. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it's imperative to have a system set up to help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply jump and continue. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less intense rides will allow you to enjoy the ride a whole lot more. As we frequently discuss on the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just make your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the advice of world-class investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and decrease your risk of catastrophic failure. A way of doing that is by going on dates which are not just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your relationship partner behaves, at least you will have a fantastic time doing something interesting. And, to decrease the risk, you should build both an outreach and relationship sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then match the dates into these activities. This is also a wonderful way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term. Naturally, regardless of how well I did all of the above things, I had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal program being just one of many. But remember, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You are never as bad as they say you are, you are also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your relationship with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. If you enjoyed this post, I'd super love if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more folks can discover it. And, if you have any more questions about relationship, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.