The Ultimate Cheat Sheet on tinder poradnik

1. I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Again, I looked at her and then looked at the invoice. Still, no reply. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it was not hers either. Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal program." The meal program, if you're not familiar with it, is when girls go on dates with men merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she certainly fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone on until there: all 37 dates to be precise. Of course at first I was outraged. How could women take advantage of me like that? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first place. As I matured in my internet relationship, however, I realized that this was actually a response for what men do to women. Online dating sucks, but... There are 3 significant levers in our lives that, if we pull on them properly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this first hand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at once. I stopped the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend who I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating newcomer. I was scared. After 9 months of misery and frustration I was about to give up on online dating all together. One dayI was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a little voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you are not. You are going to kick on online dating's ass!" I began to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating like one big experiment. I started creating what I called,"The Process." In this blog post I'll take you through the entire process I chose to learn online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B analyzing your descriptions, starting meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so that you can't just get dates, but possibly discover the love

2. of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that based on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process might have to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be much more likely to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you might end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 years and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that mad, but maybe they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Notice: You can also hear the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these approaches as we navigate the present struggles and embarrassments of his own dating journey (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The complete most frequent error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their target clearly. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we're looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario I've discovered is that both men and women who are searching for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their relationship for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with online dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating site. Basically, so as to optimize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photos. Now I would like to be clear, there's nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" pictures online. The problem, in the case of dating, is the arrangement of a relationship and what you contribute with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual clues much faster than written clues. In fact, they've found that men who are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information aside from the profile photograph until a user clicks, leading with provocative photographs sets a bad first impression. So, while it's totally fine to have hot photos up on your instagram, leading together in your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong type of guy. Additionally, there are plenty of classy ways to have interesting pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Online dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photographs were only sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox.

3. For men, we tend to have the opposite issue. Every man who has done online dating will testify to the battle of getting a woman to swipe directly on their profile, let alone to get them to participate in a conversation. Men, this is entirely your own fault. I've seen guys spend hours talking about the statistics of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, and even how financial reports will effect the team's chances. But, when it comes to online dating, guys tend to slap a few pictures in their profile and then start swiping like orangutans until their fingers develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to attain. Are you trying to date a great deal of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" is not an answer. "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I will outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. For instance, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a great deal of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I only realized months after that, while it is good to go on a lot of dates and get practice relationship (remember I had been off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I had been dating the perfect people. Luckily I realized this before I had been the victim of any more"meal plans" STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions First impressions matter. According to a study from Princeton, it's estimated that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make up our mind about whether we like the person in less than one second.

4. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile image. They don't get to hear you speak. They do not get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is one picture and there is a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If a person is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to test is your profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way... I went to every female friend I knew and asked her what she thought of my pictures. One hundred, and I mean 100% of these said that my first picture was not my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not certain how I could test multiple pictures considering I could only put one as the default. The answer: testing across apps. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I kept my profile description the same on every profile, but I set up another profile image on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles before I could find a big enough sample size and make sure that the platform wasn't effecting results. Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a film I did not read into, pic B, was actually a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of women. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they replied,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found out this, because the two girls in that photo are actually good friends of mine, so I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photographs can be your greatest blind spot.

5. To totally test out this idea, I actually enrolled a few friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super simple optimization that can look to be a pain today, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often. Top Tip: If you would like to speed this process up, you can really ask your matches what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a match was not going well, I decided to get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me perhaps the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself" Now, a part of the error may be my fault, because I took his advice very literally. I started to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wanted to act. This turned out to be a horrible idea. With no filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I've come to realize that there's a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our complete selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we knowingly choose which signs to give to other men and women. A man wearing a button up shirt, for example, is not necessarily wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the signal that he's wealthy. Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she does not wish to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is indicating that he is okay with subsequent convention. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my eye. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked very cute. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the whole party dancing and flirting.

6. We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria later that week. I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck. At first I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. I was that guy. I did not really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a signal at the party didn't match her personality at all. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on. Signals matter. Choosing your signs is great, but choosing false signals not so much. You don't need to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect classic records, you don't need to tell them about the way you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You need to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not want to let them know about how you ran over your cat. Crafting a good description is perhaps the most difficult and personal piece of enhancing your online dating profile. There's no ideal answer, but there are some incorrect answers. The first step to having a good dating profile description is having a very clear structure. I break down a dating profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A bit longer description that provides some color to your interests and personality. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something you two can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you don't want men messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating programs the way they surf social networking sites: quickly and without much thought. It might be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar manner. Due to this, I think the headline is perhaps the most important bit of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active."

7. The goal of the headline is to provide a quick snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and short acts like a stop sign for the person who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. Chances are they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, great content is all about respecting the medium that you're creating the content for. For instance, if I went into a woman in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she'll definitely get up and leave. The reverse is true for online relationship, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and make sure that it is quintessentially you. Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you should start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This isn't the time to write a book about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your picture and headline being the first two. The intro paragraph provides a little bit of color and perhaps some talking points that you two can discuss in conversation (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to include if you want to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I love learning about businesses and new ideas. I am into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a couple of basic activities and hobbies I enjoy as well as some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anybody. "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I'm positive there are people in the world who don't enjoy https://gumroad.com/plefulugvr/p/an- introduction-to-jak-zagadac-do-dziewczyny-na-messengerze watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the people in your area enjoy both those things too. As opposed to trying to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can discover common ground, but also things that are uniquely you.

8. For instance in my description above: -- Many people like being outdoors and photography. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. The Call To Action This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they have viewed your content. In relationship, you essentially need the individual to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I've found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making initial contact. I have heard countless stories of girls who have paired with a man who they really enjoy, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to seem desperate. The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you. But, obviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that states: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other internet dating apps too. Again, as with this information, when in doubt just test it out. Try having a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. When they don't, just delete it. The attractiveness of dating apps is that rather than having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a bar for example, you have thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making initial contact and chatting The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to chat online as your first conversation is a massive limitation when you're trying to begin a new relationship. For one thing, it is a very unnatural method of communicating, since it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication. It makes sense then that if you take millions of people and set them in a supernatural communication environment you get some pretty unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a good relationship through online dating, then it is a good idea to study your results a little bit. As I got better at optimizing my profile, I started matching with a growing number of people. This gave me the

9. chance to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just wouldn't have been able to see if I didn't have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I will spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let's examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a poor one. For bonus points, try to purchase them from most effective to least effective. A) "Hey! What is it going?" B) "Hey! How was your weekend?" (or some other variation of this type of question). How did you like X book?" (according to a book they listed in their profile) I will allow you to consider it for a second. (I'll add some distance before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response And the answer is... If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the answers are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that obviously depends if they've put a book in their profile. You can alter this to ask about some other part of the profile, like a picture or a location in their pictures. The reason why I guess that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it shows that you read. If I may use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x publication? (This is how I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I began with this opener felt a lot more natural and went beyond a few messages.

10. The next best option,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works nearly as well, but it is obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it's because it seems too much like I'm going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think of something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and the other person has responded, it is time to have a dialogue. Every dialog changes, but there are a few guidelines that I will put in here as hints. First, some online dating suggestions for guys: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you the number of messages my female friends have shown me that noise objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation just like you would with a friend. DO attempt to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own ideas. One of the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Be certain that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Irrespective of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You are..." will only result in a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation. Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I've tried to be friendly and nice, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they normally don't have any clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and guide the conversation in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you're tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then be certain to ask the man about things he's interested in as well. It takes two to tango. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women tend to place a lot more thought in their text messages than guys do. If a man says something that looks weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he didn't either. Now a suggestion for both parties: Attempt to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a excellent tool to meet someone, but it's just that. It's a tool, it is not actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. Thus, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get them off quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too if you know how to set up great dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less

11. After I had mastered the online part of relationship, I soon realized that procuring the date is just half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your residence. In which you have your date determines about 50--70% of the results of the date. But first a question... Where is the worst place to have a date? As it happens, it's actually at the most frequently selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. But remember, I was totally new to relationship so I was just following what I had seen in movies. Many of them didn't go well, but I wasn't certain why. After a dozen or so awkward (and pricey ) dates, I determined that I should experiment with several other locations. What occurred next was absolutely mind blowing. It was not that I was doing anything differently or that I had been picking better women to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a desk. You begin talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You continue to talking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You are not ready to order because you have been talking. The waiter provides you"another minute." You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The server comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You talk and talk. Then you run out of things to discuss. What do you do next? You have to keep talking. A dinner date provides no choices. It's a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost instantly. This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in-person communication skills. So, if we're getting worse at having in-person discussions, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the ground like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this will be a great bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp jolt of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it happens, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope just as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and did not grab the rope until I had fallen 15 ft to what I was sure was my upcoming death. Finally the rope eventually stopped and I felt a massive jolt, both physically and emotionally.

12. "Okay this date might be a little too exciting," I thought. My entire dating profession made a 180-degree turn once I began carrying my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between. A number of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most crucial elements to a wonderful date spot could be distilled into three categories: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is changing so you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!" Activity -- Can we do the action reasonably well? I've seen men get this one pretty wrong. It is fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but be certain it is not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing? Make sure she is not scared of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date sooner? Using these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the number of successful dates I went on. Now I know what you are thinking,"This guy took women out to the same places like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" This was my go-to sequence, but, depending on interests, I would substitute unique activities to keep the dates interesting. This was merely a template which simplified my decisions and reduced the cognitive load I was putting on my brain. So here's my ideal dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday by the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food tastes. Then (if you are a guy) you've got to account for cost of food. Off the grid accomplishes this because there are over 20 different kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a few go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: These activities had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between talking and activity. If we did a picnic on the beach, we can go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night at the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can catch drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it #3, it meant I actually liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all

13. requirements, also it was a semi-formal event so we can both dress nicely for that particular night. This was also my secret test because if a woman didn't like facts and science it likely wouldn't work out between us anyway. Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few tips on what to look for on every date as you try to create your own dating arrangement: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for good conversation. Make sure that you can reliably visit this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Make sure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book a person's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You've broken the ice and you have both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you will both like that is not too tricky. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations. Date #3: You both confirmed you enjoy each other, it's time to take it to the next level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it ought to confirm whether or not you want to keep on seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates one and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you choose gives new intimacy to the connection. For example, if I did not visit the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right maybe one of the most important pieces of the internet dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is time. Assuming the man is the one driving the relationship sequence (which isn't necessarily the case) there are a few questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? When should you go for the kiss? When should you sleep together? Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your comfort your answers may vary. I will share my experience (as a heterosexual male living in San Francisco) and you can make whatever adjustments you deem appropriate. The main thing is to actually think about timing, as opposed to leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It is very easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message , she messages you, back and forth, forth and back. To be able to make sure I do not waste all my time with online conversations I found it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of constant conversation. Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of the virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it is very easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, working as"the new guy" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would utilize their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi-million dollar balances.

14. One thing I noticed is that every time they were ending a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week then?" No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" another meeting to the calendar with the option of cancelling if desired. Once I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always request the next date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting a lot of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals don't mind if you don't like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion would be to stop playing games, both with the other person and on your own. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them that you aren't ready to date at this time. I had a girl tell me and it was the simplest let down I've ever experienced and used it later myself too). I should pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to constantly text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day. Stop Chasing Shadows When I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He told me,"Women are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the more they pursue you." If you discover someone who you want to be with really badly, do not frighten them away by being obsessive. If they like you as well, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously attempt to establish a date, but there's no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week. Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A good way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There's a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there's even scientific proof for it also. In a number of studies, anthropologists have found that lots of primates invest more effort into a relationships if the people in that relationship have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans.

15. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing telephone patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that people will also invest more effort into relationships if there is a risk of that connection weakening. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, ironically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for relationship that I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This arrangement meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the connection to grow and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of this post, these relationship strategies helped me tremendously, but depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process may need to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from dating. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it is vital to have a system set up that will help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply jump and continue. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less intense rides will help you enjoy the ride a good deal more. Perhaps the single most important point to bear in mind though is to let go of expectations and treat the process like an experiment. As we often discuss on the podcast, when you let go of expectations and only make your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Similar to the help of world-class investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and minimize your chance of catastrophic failure. A way of doing this is by going on dates that aren't just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your dating partner behaves, at least you'll have a good time doing something interesting. And, to decrease the risk, you need to build both an outreach and dating sequence so that you reduce the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you enjoy doing and then fit the dates into those activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run. Of course, irrespective of how well I did all of the above items, I still had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal program being just one of several. But bear in mind, once you're feeling down and enjoy giving

16. up on love altogether: "You are not as bad as they say you are, you are also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on your own, improving your conversations, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed this post, I'd super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more people can discover it. And, if you've any more questions about relationship, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.