7 Things About jak pisać na tinderze Your Boss Wants to Know

1. THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: Tips, tricks, and manipulations to navigate the pains and pitfalls I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me directly in the eyes and smiled. Again, I looked at her and then looked at the bill. Still, no response. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it was not hers either. Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal program." The meal plan, if you're not familiar with it, is when girls go on dates with men merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all the dates I had gone until there: all 37 dates to be precise. How could women take advantage of me like that? As I matured in my online relationship, however, I understood that this was actually a reaction for what men do to women. Online dating sucks, but... There are three major levers in our lives which, if we pull them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this firsthand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I quit the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and relationship novice. I was depressed. I was scared. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a little voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you are not. You're going to kick on online dating's ass!" I started to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I started creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I'll take you through the whole process I chose to learn online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B analyzing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so that you can't only get dates, but possibly discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process might need to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from dating and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet fascinating people and do interesting things," you'll

2. be much more likely to enjoy the procedure. And, if you are diligent, you may end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that crazy, but maybe they are, I will leave it for you to judge. Note: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these approaches as we browse the current struggles and embarrassments of his own dating trip (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The absolute most common mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their goal clearly. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we are searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario I've discovered is that both men and women who are searching for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She is a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. In less than 5 seconds I saw the problem. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating site. Basically, so as to optimize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photographs. Now I want to be clear, there is nothing wrong with women having"promiscuous" pictures online. The issue, in the event of dating, is the arrangement of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual clues much faster than written hints. In actuality, they have found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles hide most information other than the profile photo before a user clicks, resulting in provocative photographs sets a poor first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up in your instagram, leading with them on your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also lots of classy ways to possess intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photographs were only sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 Every guy who has done online dating will attest to the battle of getting a girl to swipe directly in their profile, let alone to get them to participate in a conversation.

3. Guys, this is completely your own fault. I've seen men spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will effect the team's chances. However, when it comes to online dating, guys tend to slap a few pictures on their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans till their palms develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you start creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to achieve. Are you trying to date a great deal of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everyone, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I will outline below work for desired outcome, but the choices you make will significantly affect your"conversion" rate. For instance, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a great deal of dates (3--4 per week, every week), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I only realized months after that, while it is good to go on a great deal of dates and get practice relationship (remember I had been off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I was dating the right people. Luckily I realized this before I was the victim of some more"meal programs " STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions According to a study from Princeton, it is estimated that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make up our mind about if we like the person in less than 1 second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They don't get to hear you speak. They don't get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is 1 picture and there's a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If one is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to test is the profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way... I went to every female friend I knew and asked her what she thought of my pictures. One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first picture was not my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not certain how I could test multiple pictures considering I could only put

4. one as the default option. The answer: testing across apps. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I retained my profile description the same on each profile, but I put up a different profile image on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles until I could find a big enough sample size and make sure that the platform was not effecting results. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a picture that I did not read much into, pic B, was actually a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of women. I was shocked when I found this out, because the two women in that photo are really good friends of mineso that I never would have made this connection. Sometimes your photos can be your greatest blind spot. To totally test out this idea, I actually enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super easy optimization that may look like a pain now, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20% of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently. Top Tip: If you would like to speed this process up, you can really ask your games what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.) In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself." Now, part of this error may be my fault, since I took his advice very literally. I began to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wished to act. This turned out to be a very bad idea. With no filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way.

5. Now that I have matured a bit, I've come to understand that there's a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our total selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signs to give to other people. A guy wearing a button up shirt, for instance, is not always wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the sign that he is wealthy. Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she doesn't wish to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is indicating that he is okay with following convention. Signals matter. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my eye. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the whole party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck. Initially I did not even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we began talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they'd dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a man. I was that guy. I did not really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized that we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality in any way. We ended the date cordially and proceeded on. Signals matter. Choosing your signals is good, but choosing false signals not so much. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You don't need to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You want to tell them about how you collect classic records, you do not need to let them know about how you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You need to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't want to tell them about how you ran over your cat. First impressions matter. Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the most difficult and personal bit of enhancing your online dating profile. There's no ideal answer, but there are definitely some wrong answers. The first step to getting a good dating profile description is using a very clear structure.

6. I break down a dating profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A brief sentence somebody can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A bit longer description that gives some colour to your interests and personality. Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something that you two can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you don't want men messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to begin the conversation with. Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social networking sites: quickly and without much thought. It could be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar way. Due to this, I think the headline is possibly the most crucial piece of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: The goal of the headline is to give a fast snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the person who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. If you ask any top-performing marketer,"how do I create content which will be successful?" Chances are they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, terrific content is all about respecting the medium that you are creating the content for. For example, if I went into a girl at a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she'll definitely get up and leave. The opposite is true for online dating, however. You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and make certain that it is quintessentially you. The Intro Paragraph Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you should begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This isn't the time to write a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your headline and picture being the first two. The intro paragraph provides a little bit of color and possibly some talking points that you two can discuss in chat (again, ladies, this is extremely important to include if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as you can! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I really like learning about new and businesses ideas. I am into photography, design, and Tim Ferriss.

7. My perfect Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe." This paragraph outlines a few basic hobbies and activities I like and some non-standard items like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic actions that could apply to pretty much anybody. "I like hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I'm sure that there are people in the world who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of the folks in your area enjoy those things too. Rather than trying to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to find common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For example in my description above: -- Many people like being outside and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In dating, you essentially want the individual to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I have found that a whole lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making initial contact. I have heard countless stories of girls who have paired with a man who they really enjoy, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they do not message first, they say that they don't know what to say or they do not want to appear desperate. The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you. Butobviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that states: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other online dating apps too. My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you are an interesting person who likes to play outside."

8. Again, as with this advice, when in doubt just check it out. Try using a call to action and see if your conversations improve. If they don't, just delete it. The attractiveness of dating programs is that rather than having 1--5 chances to make a connection, as you would if you went to a pub for example, you have thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making initial talking and contact The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it comes to the conversation. Having to chat online as your first conversation is a huge limitation when you're trying to begin a new relationship. For starters, it's a very unnatural method of communicating, because it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication. It is logical then that if you take millions of people and set them in a supernatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online relationship, then it's a fantastic idea to research your results a little bit. As I got better at optimizing my profile, I started matching with more and more people. This gave me the opportunity to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply would not have been able to determine if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible thoughts I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us test how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a poor one. For bonus points, try to purchase them from most effective to least effective. How's it going?" How was your weekend?" C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or any other variation of this type of question). (based on a book they listed in their profile)

9. I'll allow you to think about it for a second. (I will add some space before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer And the answer is... If you guessed D, you chose the best answer! (If you jak podrywać na badoo guessed C, you picked the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the answers are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found that the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that obviously depends if they've put a book in their profile. You can modify this to ask about some other part of their profile, like a movie or a location in their own pictures. The reason I guess that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it shows that you read. If I can use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? (This is the way I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I began with this opener felt a lot more natural and went past a few messages. The next best choice,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works almost as well, but it is obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it's because it seems too much like I am going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and another person has responded, it's time to have a conversation. Every dialog changes, but there are a few guidelines that I will put in here as hints. First, some online dating suggestions for men: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a regular conversation like you want a friend.

10. DO attempt to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own ideas. One of the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Be certain that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You are..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation. Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help direct the conversation. Even when I've tried to be nice and friendly, I have still received quite curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much men pretend that they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they usually don't have any clue what they are doing, so offer them some help and guide the dialogue in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you are tired of conversations feeling like interviews, then be certain that you ask the man about things he's interested in as well. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to place a good deal more thought into their text messages than guys do. If a man says something that seems weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a suggestion for the two parties: Try to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a excellent tool to fulfill someone, but it's just that. It's a tool, it isn't actual dating. My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. So, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the apps, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too in case you know how to set up great dates... Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online part of relationship, I soon realized that procuring the date is just half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your house. Where you have your date decides about 50--70 percent of the results of the date. But a question... Where is the worst place to have a date? As it happens, it is actually at the most frequently selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But remember, I was totally new to dating so I was only following what I had seen in movies. Most of them didn't go well, but I wasn't certain why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and expensive) dates, I

11. decided that I should experiment with several other locations. What occurred next was totally mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates improved tremendously. It was not that I was doing anything differently or that I had been choosing better women to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You sit down at a table. You begin speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You're not ready to order because you've been talking. The waiter provides you"another moment." You examine the menu making comments about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You then run out of things to talk about. What do you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You need to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no options. It is a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost immediately. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- house communication abilities. So, if we are getting worse at getting in-person conversations, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact that you'll be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the ground like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a great bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp jolt of the rope on my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it turns out, my climbing partner had let go of the rope as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and did not catch the rope until I had fallen 15 ft to what I was sure was my upcoming death. Eventually the rope finally stopped and I felt a massive jolt, both emotionally and physically. My entire dating career made a 180-degree turn once I began carrying my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. Some of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most essential elements to a great date place could be distilled into three categories:

12. Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you're walking, your scenery is changing so you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Activity -- Can we do the action reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one pretty wrong. It is fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but make certain it's not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she is not afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Would the date increase or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! No chemistry? No issue, how can we end the date sooner? With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the number of successful dates I went on. Now I know what you're thinking,"This guy took women out to the same areas like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to sequence, but, depending on interests, I would substitute different activities to keep the dates interesting. This was merely a template which simplified my decisions and decreased the cognitive load I was putting on my brain. So here's my ideal dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday from the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food tastes. Then (if you're a guy) you've got to account for cost of food. Off the grid accomplishes this because there are over 20 distinct types of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Feel like going all out? Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, namely: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: What these activities had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between activity and talking. If we did a picnic on the beach, we could go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach. Why I like it: This date was especially important because if a girl had made it #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, plus it was a semi-formal event so we can both dress well for that particular night. This was also my secret test because if a woman didn't like science and facts it likely wouldn't work out between us anyway. Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating arrangement. Here are a few tips on what to search for on each date as you attempt to make your own dating arrangement:

13. Date #1: Look for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for great conversation. Make certain that you can reliably go to this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Make sure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book a person's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you have both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you'll both like that isn't too difficult. Avoid intimidating activities like karaoke, group sports, or water skiing. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limits. Date #3: You both confirmed you like each other, it's time to take it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it should confirm whether or not you want to continue seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the connection. For example, if I didn't go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe among the most important pieces of the internet dating mystery that I see men screw up again and again is time. Assuming the man is the one driving the dating sequence (which isn't necessarily the case) there are a few questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? When should you go for the kiss? Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most helpful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. I'll share my experience (as a heterosexual male living in San Francisco) and you can make whatever adjustments you deem appropriate. The important thing is to actually think about timing, as opposed to leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It is quite easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message , she messages youback and forth, forth and back. In order to make sure that I don't waste all my time with internet conversations I found it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of constant conversation. Again, try not to linger at the safe-space of this virtual world too long. It might feel like it's necessary, but it's very easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, functioning as"the new guy" at a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff. Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would utilize their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi- million dollar balances. One thing I discovered is that each and every time they were ending a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no good also. Okay how about the week after that?" No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" another meeting to the calendar with the option of cancelling if desired. Once I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is a bit

14. contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always ask for the second date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You are opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting a lot of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to look at their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals do not mind if you don't like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion would be to stop playing games, both with another person and on your own. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you do not. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them you aren't ready to date right now. I had a woman tell me and it was the easiest let down I have ever experienced and used it later myself also ). I should pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they've just met and they then proceed to constantly text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day. He explained,"Girls are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the more they chase you." If you discover someone who you would like to be with really badly, don't frighten them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously try to set up a date, but there is no reason to go on dates every single night of the week. Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There's a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it also. In several studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that connection have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans. By data mining cell phone records and comparing telephone patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that humans will also invest more effort into relationships if there is a risk of that relationship weakening. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, ironically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for dating I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1

15. Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This arrangement meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a one month period. This allowed for enough time for the connection to mature and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, these relationship strategies helped me tremendously, but depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your procedure may have to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come out of dating. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it is vital to have a system set up to assist you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply jump and hold on. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less extreme rides can allow you to enjoy the ride a good deal more. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just create your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Similar to the advice of world-class investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and decrease your chance of catastrophic failure. A way of doing that is by going on dates which aren't just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your relationship partner behaves, at least you will have a fantastic time doing something fun. And, to minimize the risk, you should build both an outreach and relationship sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Find a few activities you like doing and then fit the dates into these activities. This is also a wonderful way to filter out people who aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run. Naturally, regardless of how well I did all of the above things, I had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal plan being just one of many. But remember, when you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You're not as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are." Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on your own, improving your conversations, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. If you enjoyed this post, I would super love if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more folks can discover it. And, if you've any more questions about dating, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.