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1. THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: Tips, tricks, and manipulations to navigate the pains and pitfalls I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me directly in the eyes and smiled. Again, I looked at her and then looked at the invoice. Still, no reply. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it was not hers either. Apparently, as I discovered later, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal program." The meal program, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when girls go on dates with guys just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she certainly fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone on until that point: all 37 dates to be exact. Of course at first I was outraged. How could women take advantage of me like that? As I matured in my internet relationship, however, I understood that this was really a reaction for what men do to women. There are 3 major levers in our lives that, if we pull on them properly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this first hand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I quit the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend who I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and relationship novice. I was scared. After 9 months of misery and frustration I was going to give up on online dating all together. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a small voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you're not. You are going to kick online dating's ass!" I started to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I began creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I'll take you through the whole process I chose to learn online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, starting meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so that you can not only get dates, but maybe find the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your

2. process may need to be different than the below. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the feelings that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be more inclined to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you may end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that crazy, but perhaps they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Note: You can also hear the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a whole lot of these approaches as we browse the current struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship journey (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The complete most common error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their target clearly. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we are searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario that I've discovered is that both women and men that are looking for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She is a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating website. Basically, in order to maximize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photos. Now I want to be clear, there's nothing wrong with women having"promiscuous" photos online. The problem, in the event of dating, is the arrangement of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual cues much faster than written hints. In fact, they have found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information other than the profile photo before a user clicks, resulting in provocative photos sets a poor first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have sexy photos up in your instagram, leading with them in your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong type of guy. Additionally, there are lots of classy ways to possess intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Online dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photographs were sending signals that she's looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox. For men, we tend to have the opposite problem.

3. Every man who has done online dating will attest to the struggle of getting a woman to swipe directly in their profile, let alone to get them to engage in a conversation. Men, this is completely your own fault. I've seen guys spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will influence the team's chances. But, when it comes to online dating, guys tend to slap a few pictures in their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans until their palms develop calluses. Guys, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to achieve. Are you trying to date a great deal of people? Or are you trying to find a meaningful relationship? And"both" is not an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I'll outline below work for either desired outcome, but the choices you make will significantly affect your"conversion" rate. For instance, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a lot of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months after that, while it is great to go on a lot of dates and get practice dating (recall I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I had been dating the right folks. Luckily I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal plans." STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions First impressions matter. According to a study from Princeton, it's projected that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make our mind up about whether we like the person in less than one second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is that the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They don't get to hear you speak. They do not get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is one picture and there is a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If one is approaching online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to check is your profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way...

4. One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image was not my best. It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't certain how I could test numerous pictures considering I could only put one as the default option. The answer: testing across programs. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, along with the dreaded Tindr. I retained my profile description the same on each profile, but I put up a different profile image on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles until I could get a big enough sample size and make certain that the platform wasn't effecting results. Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches. Interestingly enough, a film I did not read into, pic B, was actually a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of women. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they replied,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found out this, because the two girls in that photo are really good friends of mineso I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photos can be your biggest blind spot. To completely test out this idea, I really enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change their profile pictures. They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super simple optimization that may seem to be a pain now, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently. Top Tip: If you would like to speed up this process, you can actually ask your games exactly what they think of your pictures. If a conversation with a game was not going well, I decided to get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable Now, part of this error might be my fault, because I took his advice quite literally. I began to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wanted to act. This turned out to be a very bad idea.

5. Without any filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to understand that there's a difference between being your total self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our complete selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signals to give to other men and women. A guy wearing a button up shirt, as an example, isn't always wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the sign that he's wealthy. Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she doesn't wish to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is indicating that he is okay with following convention. Signals matter. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my attention. I approached her and we immediately hit off. We spent the entire party dancing and flirting. We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck. At first I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. I was that guy. I didn't really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality in any way. We finished the date cordially and proceeded on. Signals matter. Choosing your signs is good, but choosing false signals not so much. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You don't need to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you do not want to tell them about how you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You need to tell them about the way you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't want to let them know about how you ran over your cat. Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the most difficult and personal piece of enhancing your online dating profile. There is absolutely no ideal answer, but there are definitely some incorrect answers. The first step to having a good dating profile description is having a clear structure.

6. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 components: Headline: A short sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some color to your interests and character. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Internet dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something that you two can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you do not want men messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social media sites: fast and without much thought. It could be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar way. Due to this, I think the headline is perhaps the most important piece of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I discovered that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active." The objective of the headline is to provide a quick snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the individual who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. Chances are they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, great content is all about respecting the medium that you are producing the content for. For example, if I went up to a woman at a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she will definitely get up and leave. The opposite is true for online dating, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and make sure it is quintessentially you. Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you should start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This isn't the time to compose a book about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your headline and picture being the first two.

7. The intro paragraph provides a little bit of colour and perhaps some talking points that you two can talk about in conversation (again, ladies, this is extremely important to include if you want to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outdoors as much as possible! Some of my favourite items are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I love learning about new and businesses ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My perfect Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a few basic activities and hobbies I like and some non-standard items like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The most important thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anyone. "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I am sure there are people in the world who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the people in your area enjoy those things too. As opposed to trying to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can discover common ground, but also things that are uniquely you. For instance in my description above: -- Most people like being outside and photography. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. The Call To Action This is optional, although it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they have viewed your content. In relationship, you essentially need the individual to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I've found that a whole lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become

8. discouraged from making initial contact. I've heard countless stories of women who have paired with a man who they really like, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to appear desperate. The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you. But, obviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that says: My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you are an interesting person who likes to play outside." Again, as with this advice, when in doubt just test it out. Try using a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. If they don't, just delete it. The beauty of dating apps is that rather than having 1--5 opportunities to make a connection, as you would if you went to a pub for instance, you have thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making initial contact and chatting The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it comes to the conversation. Having to chat online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you are trying to start a new relationship. For one thing, it is a really unnatural method of communicating, because it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It is logical then that if you take countless people and put them in an unnatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it might be fun to play around with weird conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a good relationship through online dating, then it is a fantastic idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply would not have been able to see if I didn't have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let's test how well you can judge a good opener from a poor one. What is it going?" C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or any other variation of the sort of question). How did you like X book?" (according to a book they listed in their profile) I'll allow you to consider it for a second.

9. (I'll add some distance before the answer below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer And the answer is... If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst response.) In order of best to worst, the answers are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found that the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that clearly depends if they have put a book in their profile. You can alter this to ask about some other part of the profile, such as a picture or a location in their own pictures. The reason why I guess that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I may use the book opener to start a conversation I usually also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x publication? I am currently reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and went beyond a few messages. The second best choice,"Hey! Works almost as well, but it's obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). An alternate version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it is because it sounds too much like I am about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and another person has responded, it's time to have a dialogue. Every conversation varies, but there are a few guidelines that I'll put in here as hints. First, some online dating tips for men: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation just like you would with a friend.

10. DO try to talk about things she is interested in but also add your own ideas. One of the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Make certain that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Irrespective of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You are..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation. Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I've tried to be nice and friendly, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much men pretend that they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they normally have no clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and direct the dialogue in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you are tired of discussions feeling like interviews, then make sure that you ask the guy about things he's interested in as well. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to place a good deal more thought in their text messages than men do. If a man says something that looks weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a suggestion for the two parties: Attempt to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a great tool to meet someone, but it is just that. It's a tool, it isn't actual dating. My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. Thus, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about having a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too in case you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Creating a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online part of relationship, I soon realized that securing the date is just half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you have even set out from your residence. Where you have your date determines about 50--70 percent of the results of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date? As it turns out, it's actually at the most commonly selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But bear in mind, I was completely new to dating so I was only following what I'd seen in movies.

11. Most of them did not go well, but I wasn't sure why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and expensive) dates, I determined that I should experiment with some other locations. What happened next was absolutely mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates enhanced tremendously. It wasn't that I was doing anything differently or that I had been choosing better women to go on dates with, it was merely a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You sit down at a desk. You start talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to talking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You're not ready to order since you have been talking. The waiter gives you"another moment." You look at the menu making comments about the choices. The server comes back ten minutes later. You continue talking. You talk and talk. Then you run out of things to discuss. What should you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking. A dinner date provides no options. It is a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost immediately. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at getting in-person conversations. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- house communication abilities. Therefore, if we're getting worse at having in-person conversations, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact you will be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? 3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that dating could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I was holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the ground like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a great bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp jolt of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it turns out, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and did not grab the rope until I had dropped 15 ft to what I was sure was my upcoming death. Finally the rope eventually stopped and I felt a massive jolt, both physically and emotionally. My entire dating career made a 180-degree turn once I started taking my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. A number of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most essential elements to a great date spot could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your landscape is shifting

12. so you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" Action -- Can we both do the action reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one pretty wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but be sure it's not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing? Make sure she is not afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No problem, how can we end the date sooner? Using these three criteria, I crafted a three date sequence which nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on. Now I know what you're thinking,"This man took women out to the very same places like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to order, but, based on interests, I would substitute different activities to keep the dates interesting. This was merely a template that simplified my decisions and decreased the cognitive load I was putting in my brain. So here's my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks each Friday from the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food tastes. Then (if you are a man ) you've got to account for cost of food. Off the grid solves this since there are over 20 distinct kinds of (affordable) cuisine. It also allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Feel like going all out? Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a few go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between activity and talking. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night in the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can grab drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was especially important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I actually liked her. It also meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, plus it was a semi-formal occasion so we could both dress well for that special night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a woman didn't like science and facts it likely wouldn't work out between us anyway. As an additional bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the night. Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few tips on what to look for on every date as you attempt to create your own dating

13. arrangement: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for good conversation. Be sure that you can reliably visit this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Make sure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book a person's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You've broken the ice and you've both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you'll both like that is not too tricky. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence where you alternate between doing something and talking. Going on a 10 mile run is fantastic for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations. Date #3: You both confirmed you enjoy each other, it is time to bring it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you both really are, and it ought to confirm whether or not you want to continue seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates one and two, there can be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the relationship. By way of instance, if I didn't visit the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right Perhaps among the most crucial pieces of the internet dating puzzle that I see men screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the guy is the one driving the dating sequence (which is not necessarily the case) there are some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? How long should you wait between date 1 and date 2? When should you go for the kiss? Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually think about timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It's quite easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message her, she messages you, back and forth, back and forth. In order to make certain that http://dominickorsz664.tearosediner.net/why-nobody-cares-about-jak-zaczac- rozmowe-na-portalu-randkowym-przyklady I do not waste all my time with internet conversations I found that it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of constant conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of the digital world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's very easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, functioning as"the new guy" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would utilize their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi- million dollar accounts. One thing that I noticed is that every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week then? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week after that?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" another meeting into the

14. calendar with the choice of cancelling if desired. When I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always ask for the second date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting a lot of uncertainty. No one likes uncertainty. No one likes to look at their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals don't mind if you don't like them, they just want to know. So my suggestion is to quit playing games, both with another person and on your own. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you do not. (A gentle way to do this is by telling them that you aren't ready to date at this time. I had a girl tell me this and it was the simplest let down I've ever experienced and used it later myself also ). I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. He explained,"Girls are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the longer they chase you." If you find someone who you would like to be with really poorly, do not scare them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously try to establish a date, but there is no reason to go on dates every single night of the week. Allow the relationship to get some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There's a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there's even scientific proof for it also. In a number of studies, anthropologists have found that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing telephone patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that humans may also invest more effort into relationships if there is a risk of that relationship weakening. I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, ironically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken.

15. My cadence for dating I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This sequence meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the relationship to mature and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of this post, these relationship approaches helped me tremendously, but based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your procedure may have to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come out of dating. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it is vital to have a system in place to assist you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to just hop on and hold on. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less intense rides can allow you to enjoy the ride a good deal more. Perhaps the single most important point to keep in mind though is to let go of expectations and treat the process like an experiment. As we often discuss about the podcast, even when you let go of expectations and just make your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Similar to the help of world wide investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and decrease your chance of catastrophic failure. A way of doing this is by going on dates which are not only sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your dating partner behaves, at least you'll have a good time doing something interesting. And, to decrease the risk, you should build both an outreach and relationship sequence so that you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then match the dates into those activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run. Of course, irrespective of how well I did all of the above things, I still had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal program being just one of many.

16. Dating is a rollercoaster that will frighten you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But remember, when you're feeling down and enjoy giving up on love altogether: "You're never as bad as they say you are, you are also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on yourself, improving your discussions, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more folks can find it. And, if you've any more questions about relationship, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.