Chapter 5 Love and Selecting a Partner

1. Chapter 5Love and Selecting a Partner

2. Chapter Sections • 5-1 Ways of Conceptualizing Love • 5-2 Love in Social and Historical Context • 5-3 How Love Develops in a New Relationship • 5-4 Jealousy in Relationships • 5-5 Cultural Restrictions on Whom an Individual Love or Marry • 5-6 Sociological Factors Operative in Partnering • 5-8 Sociobiological Factors Operative in Partnering • 5-9 Engagement • 5-10 Marrying for the Wrong Reasons

3. Ways of Conceptualizing Love • Love involves deep, abiding feelings for the well-being of another with a focus on the long-term relationship. • Lust is about sexual desires and focuses on the present. • Infatuation is about emotional feelings based on little actual exposure to the love object.

4. Conceptualizing Love Love Styles • Ludic: views love as a game • Pragma: logical and rational • Eros: passion and romance • Mania: obsessive jealousy and control • Storge: calm friendship • Agape: focus on well-being of love object

5. Conceptualizing Love—ApplicationMatch the style with the description

6. Conceptualizing Love • Conjugal (married) love: the love between married people characterized by companionship, calmness, comfort, and security

7. Conceptualizing Love Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love • 3 basic elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment

8. Conceptualizing Love • Types of Love • Nonlove: absence of intimacy, passion, and commitment • Liking: intimacy without passion or commitment • Infatuation: passion without intimacy or commitment • Romantic love: intimacy and passion without commitment

9. Conceptualizing Love • Types of love • Conjugal love (companionate): intimacy and commitment without passion • Fatuous love: passion and commitment without intimacy • Empty love: commitment without passion or intimacy • Consummate love: combination of intimacy, passion, and commitment

10. Love in Social and Historical Context • The society in which we live controls our experience of love. • Arranged marriage: mate selection pattern whereby parents select the spouse of their offspring • Parents influence mate selection in the U.S. by moving to certain neighborhoods, joining certain churches, and enrolling in certain schools.

11. Love in Context • About 90% of people marry someone of the same racial background. • Only 8 states currently have laws protecting same-sex marriage.

12. Love in Context • In medieval Europe, marriage was arranged and love was not tied to marriage. • Love was conceptualized as an adoration of physical beauty and as spiritual and romantic. • With the end of the feudal system, marriage became less a political and business arrangement and more a mutually desired emotional union.

13. Love in Context • In colonial America, marriage was regarded as a business arrangement between fathers. • Dowry (trousseau): included money and/or valuables that the girl’s father would pay the boy’s father

14. How Love Develops in a New Relationship • Our society promotes love through popular music, movies, and novels. • The probability of being involved in a love relationship is influenced by the cultural ideal of physical appearance.

15. How Love Develops Psychological Conditions for Love • Perception of reciprocal liking • Personality qualities • Self-esteem • Self-disclosure • Gratitude

16. Eight Dimensions of Self-Disclosure • Background and History • Feelings toward the partner • Feelings toward self • Feelings about one’s body • Attitudes toward social issues • Tastes and interests • Money and work • Feelings about friends

17. Developing Love • Arousal (strong physiological reactions when in the presence of the other) is associated with falling in love. • Other factors associated with falling in love include appearance, common interests, and similar friends.

18. Jealousy in Relationships • Jealousy: an emotional response to a perceived or real threat to an important or valued relationship. • Types of jealousy • Reactive: reaction to something • Anxious: obsession with partner’s behavior • Possessive: attacking the partner who is perceived as being unfaithful

19. Jealousy • External causes of jealousy: behaviors of the partner interpreted as cause for jealousy • Extradyadic relationship: emotional or sexual involvement between a member of a couple and someone other than the partner

20. Jealousy • Internal causes of jealousy: characteristics of individuals that predispose them to jealous feelings • Mistrust • Low self-esteem • Lack of perceived alternatives • Insecurity

21. Jealousy • Jealousy signifies that the partner is cared for and may solidify commitment. • Jealousy can make the individual miserable and the partner irritated.

22. Cultural Restrictions on Love and Marriage • Endogamy: the cultural expectation to select a marriage partner within one’s social group • Exogamy: the cultural expectation that one will marry outside the group • Pool of eligibles: the population from which a person selects an appropriate mate

23. Sociological Factors Operative in Partnering Homogamy: individual initiative toward sameness • Race • Age • Marriage squeeze: imbalance of the ratio of marriageable-age men to marriageable-age women • Education • Open-mindedness: receptive to understanding alternative points of view, values, and behaviors

24. Sociological Factors Homogamy • Social class • Mating gradient: tendency for husbands to be more advanced than their wives with regard to age, education, and occupational success • Physical appearance • Career • Marital status

25. Sociological Factors Homogamy • Religion/Spirituality/Politics • Attachment • Personality • Economic values, money management and debt

26. Psychological Factors Operative in Partnering Complementary-Needstheory states that we tend to select mates whose needs are opposite and complementary to our own. • Examples: dominant/submissive, responsible/irresponsible, disorder/ordered

27. Psychological Factors Exchange theoryemphasizes that mate selection is based on assessing who offers the greatest rewards at the lowest cost. • The theory focuses on rewards, costs, profit, loss, and alternative. • The principle of least interest states that the person who has the least interest in a relationship controls the relationship.

28. Psychological Factors • Role (or modeling) theory of mate selection emphasizes that a son or daughter models the parent of the same sex by selecting a partner similar to the one the parent selected. • Characteristics desired in a mate include warmth, kindness, sense of humor and education. • Characteristics not desired include controlling, narcissistic, poor impulse control, and inflated ego.

29. Sociobiological Factors Operative in Partnering Sociobiology suggests a biological basis for all social behavior. • Men look for a young, healthy, attractive, sexually conservative women who will produce healthy children. • Women look for an ambitious man with good economic capacity who will invest his resources in her children.

30. Engagement Engagement: period of time during which committed, monogamous partners focus on wedding preparations and systematically examine their relationship • Ask specific questions • Visit parents • Participate in premarital education

31. Marrying for the Wrong Reasons • Rebound • Escape • Unplanned pregnancy • Psychological blackmail • Insurance benefits • Pity • Filling a void

32. Wrong Reasons Consider calling off the wedding if: • Age 18 or younger • Known partner less than two years • Abusive relationship • Numerous significant differences • On-and-off relationship • Parental disapproval • Low sexual satisfaction

33. Chapter Summary • There are different styles of loving. • Sternberg’s Triangular theory of love points to various types of relationships. • Love has not always been connected to marriage. • A variety of conditions lead to the development of love. • Jealousy has a number of causes and can be beneficial or detrimental to the relationship.

34. Chapter Summary • Culture influences mate selection through endogamy and exogamy. • We tend toward homogamy in partner selection. • Exchange theory suggests we select those who reward us. • Wrong reasons for marrying include unplanned pregnancy, escape, and being on the rebound.

35. Chapter Review • What are the different conceptualizations of love? • How has love been influenced by the social and historical context? • What are the conditions that lead to the development of love? • What are the causes and consequences of jealousy?

36. Chapter Review • How does society influence our partner choices? • What is homogamy? • What theories explain the psychology of mate selection? • How does sociobiology explain mate selection? • What are the wrong reasons for marrying?