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Mana 30303. Entrepreneurial Leadership Stuart Youngblood Tandy Hall 166D Phone: 817-257-7562 E-Mail: [email protected] Overview: Covey’s Public Victory Habits. Habit 4: Seek Win-Win Habit 5: Seek First to Understand; Then To Be Understood Habit 6: Synergize.

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Mana 30303

Mana 30303

Entrepreneurial LeadershipStuart Youngblood

Tandy Hall 166DPhone: 817-257-7562E-Mail: [email protected]

Overview covey s public victory habits

Overview: Covey’s Public Victory Habits

Habit 4:Seek Win-Win

Habit 5:Seek First to Understand;

Then To Be Understood

Habit 6:Synergize

Habit 4 think win win
Habit 4: Think Win-Win


  • The journey from individual success to ‘collectivesuccess’ with those you lead or work with.

  • The ultimate goal is to create synergy where the final outcomes are greater than the sum of the individual parts (mutual gains or win-win thinking).


  • Many of our social, political, & economic

    systems are based on competitive principles

  • Social – only one football team can win the game

  • Political – only one candidate can win the election

  • Economic – private enterprise, the market determines winners and losers

  • Principle = Scarcity


  • When is competition appropriate … and NOT?

  • When the rules of the game make room for only one winner. By definition, there must be a loser.

    • BLU Ray vs. HD-DVD; VHS vs. Beta

    • Apple vs. IBM

    • USA vs. Germany in WW II

    • Barack Obama vs. John McCain; vs. Mitt Romney?

  • Most of us have been conditioned to compete out of HABIT, but we need to learn how to compete out of CHOICE

Win win mindset
Win – Win Mindset

  • Basic Principle is ABUNDANCE, not Scarcity.

  • Synergy – making the whole greater than the sum of its individual parts. By working together, we can make the pie grow larger so that we both get a bigger slice (mutual purpose).

  • It is not always possible to achieve win-win outcomes. Prerequisites:

    • Willingness & ability to work together

    • Moderate trust & common objectives

    • Courage to accept “no deal”

Relational thinking
Relational Thinking

Courage to advocate for what you want


of the wants & needs of others- through inquiry

Win win mindset1
Win-Win Mindset

  • Search for solutions that make you and the other person better off in the long run

  • Few limits to size of pie – abundance mentality

  • Characteristics: Seeks mutual benefit, acts cooperatively, listens more, stays longer in tough conversations, willing to compromise without giving up what you really want

  • Language: “We” What do we need to make this work for us? What new ways can we think about this? How do we make things better?

Win lose mindset
Win-Lose Mindset

  • Concerned about self first … and last!

  • The world is a zero-sum game … I must make sure that I get my slice of the pie at your expense

  • Characteristics: Uses position power, credentials, force of personality, superior experience to win; often authoritarian & dogmatic in the use of power

  • Language: “I” This is all I’m willing to do, take it or leave it, I’m not going settle for less than…, It’s my way or the highway!”

Lose win mindset
Lose-Win Mindset

  • Scarcity mentality … a small pie and someoneelse determines who gets a slice

  • People who have high consideration for others but who lack the courage to say what they want

  • Characteristics: makes few demands on self or others; is quick to please/appease; buries feelings when getting the short end of the stick

  • Language: “YOU” No “real” communication; agreeable, acquiescent; but often resentful. Seldom expresses opposition openly

Lose lose mindset
Lose-Lose Mindset

  • “There ain’t no pie…just a bunch of crumbs”

  • Shows little courage or real consideration, envious and critical of those who control the pie, puts self and others down … soured attitude

  • Characteristics: Victim mentality, highly dependent mind-set, others have screwed it up beyond repair

  • Language: “THEY” Marked by helplessness, soured, cynical, little hope of things getting any better, nothing is good & its always their fault

Habit 5 seek first to understand then to be understood

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand; Then To Be Understood

Empathetic Listening

Habit 5 makes win win happen
Habit 5 Makes Win-Win Happen

  • Thinking Win-Win is about your Heart (good motives)

  • Doing Win-Win requires Behavior

    • Inquiring (Consideration/Curiosity)

      • Asking (inviting & being curious out loud)

      • Listening (really understanding what the other person wants AND why they want it)

    • Advocating (Courage)

      • How does this fit with what you really need


Two key behaviors:

  • Asking the right questions.

  • Deep listening about what the other person values most and whythey value it.

    Question: Why are these two behaviors the foundation of Habit 5?

Autobiographical responses
Autobiographical Responses

Giving Advice: Counseling & advising

Probing: Asking questions based on your agenda

Interpreting: Diagnosing based on your experiences

Evaluating: Judging & agreeing or disagreeing with what you hear

Use habit 5 when
Use Habit 5 When …

  • The stakes are high (it is very important to you)

  • The emotions run hot (adrenaline is flowing)

  • The opinions are in opposition (win-lose)

    What do you typically do in these situations?

Habit 5 is very hard because
Habit 5 is Very Hard Because:

  • “Win – Lose” is the easy way out, but it is the

    wrong solution in cases when a lot is at stake

  • Leads to continuing disagreement, ongoing

    conflict, and no real resolution of the underlying


Habit 5 principle
Habit 5 Principle

  • You can’t be efficient with people, only with tasks and processes

  • In dealing with people:

  • Speeding up is slowing down (efficiency)

  • Slowing down is really speeding up (effectiveness)

Create the space to ask
Create the space to ask …

“Are you willing to hang in with me until we can come up with something that we both can agree to, support, and then go execute effectively?”

This is seeking MUTUAL PURPOSE!

HOW can you do this?

Ask questions
Ask Questions

Until you understand what a win looks like to the other person.

Distinguish between:

  • My or your Position/strategy: WHAT I want; the “bottom line.”

  • My or your Interest/purpose: WHY I want it; my needs, concerns, & hopes.


  • Learn what the other person must have to consider it a win

Seek first to understand
Seek FIRST To Understand

What is Your HABIT?

  • Listen just long enough to respond to others based on what is what is most important to you


  • Listen long enough to really understand what the other person needs to create a win-win agreement

New alternative solutions can be found in
New, Alternative Solutions Can Be Found In…

Exploring the real interestsof the parties that are involved in the dispute. i.e.,

mutual interests = mutual purpose

When purposes differ ask questions
When Purposes Differ, Ask Questions…

  • What is important to you?

  • What bothers you about this situation?

  • How does this really affect you?

  • It sounds like this matters to you a lot – is that right?

  • What would happen if this occurred?

  • What would you do if you got this?

  • Can we agree on this solution?

What makes this so hard
What Makes This So Hard?

  • You must LISTEN at a much deeper level than you are accustomed to.

  • Even when you try to listen, it is hard to understand what the other party really wants!

You can t get to win win
You Can’t Get To Win-Win…

until you find out what a win looks like to the other person!

What to avoid traditional listening paradigm
What To Avoid…Traditional Listening Paradigm

  • Listen just enough to jump in and solve the problem.

  • WHO’S problem gets solved?

Listening is not enough
Listening is Not Enough

  • Repeating or rephrasing what you heard:

    …in other’s words or your own words …

  • Good…but stops short!

Power listening to really understand
Power Listening … To Really UNDERSTAND

  • Communicating has two components: Content and Emotion

  • To be really effective, you must hear both of them

  • How do you demonstrate that you have actually heard BOTH of them?

    Do you see why knowing about your empathy score helps here? Do you try to see others’ perspectives? Do you acknowledge how they may be feeling?

Empathetic listening
Empathetic Listening

  • Rephrase the CONTENT and reflect (mirror) the EMOTION that is expressed by the other person …deep listening!

  • Tell me more about how you really feel about this issue

  • Use your AMPP Crucial Conversation skills:

    Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, and Prime

Shifts that take place in cc
Shifts that take place in CC

  • TruthPerception

    Different data, different interpretations. Many paths to action possible. Learn them.

  • Intent Impact

    Selective use of data. Walk a day in my shoes!

  • Blame Contributions

    Get unstuck by mastering your victim, villain, helpless stories. Ask the transformational questions for each of these stories.

Habit 6 synergize

Habit 6: Synergize

Creative Cooperation:

making the whole greater than the sum of the parts


  • The mindset of “Abundance” (Habit 4)

  • Empathetic Communications in the Tough Situations (Habit 5)

  • Creative Cooperation or the willingness to jointly create new alternatives that go beyond the obvious (Habit 6)

Synergistic communications
Synergistic Communications

  • Level of Trust in Others

  • Level of Cooperation with Others

  • Levels of Communication

    Defensiveness = f(Low Trust & Low Cooperation)

    Respect = f(Moderate Trust & Cooperation)

    Synergy = f(High Trust & High Cooperation)

Valuing differences
Valuing Differences

  • Different Paradigms – “You see it differently than I do, help me understand what you see that I don’t”

  • Creating Something New and Better Usually Starts With BIG Differences in the Initial Perspectives

  • You Must Learn How to Really Value, not Just Tolerate, these Differences!

Valuing differences1
Valuing Differences

  • Starts with seeing differences as useful, not harmful

  • Listening empathetically to the other person’s perspective to learn from them

  • Asking good questions, rather than automatically defending your own perspective

  • Don’t cop out and be satisfied with a compromise

  • Winning is jointly coming up with a superior alternative that neither of you would have come up with on your own

Why is this important
Why Is This Important?

  • External Environment is changing very fast

  • Organizations are under tremendous pressure to remain competitive

  • Differentiation is a major source of competitive advantage in many organizations

  • Leaders are dependent on their people to help create new ideas, products, and services

Synergistic leadership
Synergistic Leadership

  • Creating a Spirit of Abundance

  • Empathic listening – Understanding What Winning Really Is To Subordinates & Colleagues

  • Valuing Important Differences

  • Aligning Driving & Restraining Forces

  • Creating New & Better Alternatives (Mutual Gains)

Alternatives to synergy
Alternatives to Synergy

  • Group Think: “This is the way we have always done it & it is the best way” & “We don’t have the power to change it”

  • Compromise: “Let’s Split the Difference”

  • Win – Lose: “I always have better ideas & so it needs to be my way”

  • Lose – Lose: “Since we disagree, nothing constructive can be accomplished”


  • Start with Heart: Am I seeking mutual purpose?

  • Am I looking for the third alternative that we create instead of the sucker’s choice?

  • Am I willing to STATE my path while exploring others?

  • Can I use my power listening skills (AMPP) to really “see” win-win?

  • What does a “win” look like to both of us?