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Calm Kids ™ Parenting Tools Creating Stress-Free Homes for Challenging Children. Presented by Kirk Martin Executive Director, Celebrate!Calm February 4, 2009. About Celebrate!Calm. Leading educational organization based in Washington, D.C. Serve clients in 27 countries.
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Presented by Kirk Martin
Executive Director, Celebrate!Calm
February 4, 2009
THREE LEARNING OBJECTIVES
Disorganized and forgetful
Executive function inhibited
Bossy, control others
OCD, eliminate unknowns
Enforce justice and fairness
Difficulty with transitions
Meltdowns over little things
Shut down from negativity
Defensive, lie, blameRoot need # 1: Order and ownership
Example: 2 siblings playing video games.
Example # 1: Grocery story--bribery.
Example # 2: Mom at home--begging, pleasing, resentful.
Example # 3: Dad to child: “If you don’t control yourself, I’m not sure I can control myself.”
When we become responsible for our kids, we become needy and dependent. Children assume inordinate power they cannot handle.
Who has power over your emotions?
Unwittingly changing structure of child’s brain to seek
“How can we expect to achieve calm in our home if my seven-year-old son cannot execute simple commands?”
The example of an adult who is in complete control of his emotions, who cannot be moved by circumstances, who does not give power over his decisions or attitudes to anyone or anything.
Now that is power.
Goal is a conversation, not a confrontation.
4) Ignore initial bluster.
5) Put the choice back in their court. Remove yourself and show trust.
Give child tools.
6) Look past the outward behavior and go straight to the heart.
7) Motion changes emotion.
8) Practice your calm routine.
Be proactive: don’t react to behavior. Meet root need.
Defiance--don’t feel in control of self or situation.
Disrespect--don’t have tools to deal with frustration.
9) Give child ownership.
10) Build gifts, talents and passions.
If someone can “make” you react, they have power over you.
Contact us if you have questions.