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Chapter 3: Family Communication, Conflict, and Forgiveness. The Communication Process. Transactional Process – one in which we simultaneously affect and are affected by our intimate relations Focus is on the interconnectedness of the relationship. Family Systems Theory.
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The Communication Process • Transactional Process – one in which we simultaneously affect and are affected by our intimate relations • Focus is on the interconnectedness of the relationship
Family Systems Theory • Views the family as an interconnected system • Developed by Murray Bowen
Family Systems Theory • Family System is a dynamic entity that consists of various individuals and their interconnected, intergenerational patterns of interaction. • The primary function is to bring the parts together and arrange them into a whole, organized entity.
Figure 3.1: Virginia Satir’s Concept of the Family as a Mobile
Interconnecting – family members affect and are affected by each other Looking at the whole – individual members’ behavior can only be understood by looking at the whole Key Concepts of Systems Framework
Key Concepts of Systems Framework • Establishing boundaries – every system has some border between it and its environment • Closed boundaries: no information in or out • Open boundaries: information is unobstructed, families lose identity • Maintaining balance – families work to achieve and maintain homeostasis
Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems • Addresses family cohesion, adaptability, and communication • Assesses family’s level of functioning
Creating Rules for Communication • What we can and cannot talk about • Feelings that are allowed to be shared • Decision making • How we can talk about it • Communication strategy
Table 3.1: Cultural Competence: Enhancing Cultural Communication Skills
Table 3.1: Cultural Competence: Enhancing Cultural Communication Skills
Symbolic Interaction Framework • All human behavior revolves around social behavior where there is an exchange of messages and symbolic meanings between actors. • Symbols: used to share meanings • Roles: a system of meanings • Role strain – competing demands from multiple roles • Role conflict – conflicting role pressures
Types of Communication • Communication: the process of making and sharing meanings • Transaction: parties act as senders and receivers of information • Process: dynamic and ever changing • Involves Co-Construction: constructing definitions • Involves Symbols: used to construct meanings and definitions
Verbal Communication Exchanges of thoughts, messages, or information through the spoken word Fundamental Processes of Verbal Communication: • Communication Effectiveness • Perceptual Accuracy • Predictive Accuracy • Interpersonal Cognitive Complexity
Nonverbal Communication • Emotional communication gestures and movements that convey our emotions • Occurs with or without the spoken word • Includes facial expressions, motions of the body, eye contact, patterns of touch, expressive movements, hand gestures and more
Relational and Non-relationalMessages • Relational – those having something to do with the partnership • Non-relational – those dealing with issues or topics outside of the relationship • Decoding – interpreting the unspoken exchanges
Types of Emotional Messages • Positive Emotional Messages • Love, pleasure, affection • Negative Emotional Messages • Anger and irritation • Neutral Emotional Messages • Non-specific, ambiguous, hard to interpret
Private Couple Meanings • Special interaction between partners • Predictive in nature • Based on information that only partners share with one another
Conflict in Relationships Areas of conflict: • Money matters • Division of household labor • Sex • Tremendous trifles
Constructive Conflict • Constructive Conflict – builds relationships and fosters loyalty, commitment and intimacy • How couples handle conflict determines marital longevity
Regulated Couples • Use communication patterns that promote closeness and intimacy • Validating Couple: empathetic, supportive, seldom express negative emotions • Volatile Couple: charged with intense emotion, passion, romance, intense disputes but remain intimately connected • Conflict-Minimizing Couple: avoid conflict, minimize significance of trouble, conflict kept below the surface
Non-regulated Couples • Have difficulty resolving conflicts, interactions far more negative • Criticism: involves attack on the partner • Defensiveness: criticism/defend pattern becomes a cycle of negativity • Contempt: disrespect, scorn, hatred • Stonewalling: communication between partners shuts down
Destructive Conflict • May be overt or covert • Denial: when words and actions do not match • Disqualification: when a person covers-up an expressed emotion • Displacement: when a person takes out anger on someone else • Disengaged: no emotional closeness • Pseudo-mutuality: false closeness with underlying anger and hostility
Functional and Nurturing Communication • Functional Communication • Addresses the important functions of daily life • Nurturing Communication • Conveys intimacy, caring, recognition and validation of family members
Cornerstones of Communication • Developing Relational Cultures • Relational culture is a framework of understandings • Coordinate attitudes, actions and identities of the couple and family
Cornerstones of Communication Confirming messages and responses • Acknowledgement of the other person • Willingness to be involved in the relationship • Recognition: confirming and acknowledging, may be verbal or nonverbal • Confirming: simple recognition and acceptance of one another • Acceptance: every family feels they belong
Cornerstones of Communication • Self-disclosure – voluntarily sharing personal information • Self-disclosure • Increases as relational intimacy increases • Increases when there are rewards • Tends to be reciprocal • Increases relational satisfaction
Cornerstones of Communication • Communicate often • Family communication can be enhanced or hindered by the time spent in the process of communication • Family meetings provide structure and organization to the family system
Cornerstones of Communication • Listen actively • means actually hearing what the other person is saying • reflective listening means paying attention to verbal and nonverbal messages
Cornerstones of Communication • Use humor • Laughing produces endorphins which relax and calm us • Laughter and humor provide a way to relieve stress in certain situations • Humor brings people together and helps keep things in perspective
Table 3.4: Rank Ordering of the Forgiveness Process by Study Participants