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PSY 321:007 Dr. Sanchez Interpersonal Attraction & Close Relationships . The Need to Belong. The need to belong is a basic human motive. We care deeply about what others think of us.

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the need to belong
The Need to Belong
  • The need to belong is a basic human motive.
  • We care deeply about what others think of us.
  • Those with a network of close social ties tend to be happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life than those who are more isolated.
the thrill of affiliation
The Thrill of Affiliation
  • Need for Affiliation: The desire to establish social contact with others.
    • We are motivated to establish and maintain an optimum balance of social contact.
  • Stress arouses our need for affiliation.
    • “Fearful misery loves company”
    • But, “embarrassed misery seeks solitude”
the agony of loneliness
The Agony of Loneliness
  • A feeling of deprivation about social relations.
  • Most likely to occur during times of transition or disruption.
proximity liking people who are nearby
Proximity: Liking People who are Nearby

“If you can’t be with the one love,

honey, love the one you’re with.”

proximity liking people who are nearby7
Proximity: Liking People who are Nearby

Westgate West: Housing at MIT ~1949

(Festinger, 1950)

proximity liking people who are nearby8
Proximity: Liking People who are Nearby

Westgate West: Housing at MIT ~1950

  • Close friends:
    • Next door neighbors: 41%
    • Two doors down: 22%
    • Opposite ends of hallway: 10%
  • “Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best; they are merely the people who got there first.” (Sir Peter Ustinov, 1977)
proximity continued
Proximity Continued
  • The single best predictor of attraction
  • Where we live influences the friends we make.
  • Why does it work?
    • Availability
    • Mere exposure
mere exposure example moreland beach 1992
Mere Exposure Example(Moreland & Beach, 1992)
  • Procedure
    • Four women and a classroom
    • 4 women attended class
      • 1 women 0 times
      • 1 woman 5 classes
      • 1 woman 10 classes
      • 1 woman 15 classes
    • Students rate women on traits at end of semester
physical attractiveness getting drawn in
Physical Attractiveness: Getting Drawn In
  • “What’s beautiful is good” (Dion et al., 1972)
      • Teachers judge attractive students as more intelligent than unattractive students (Clifford & Walster, 1973),
      • Adults, and nurses in pediatric wards, punish unattractive children more harshly than attractive children (Dion, 1974)
      • Texas judges set lower bail and smaller fines for attractive suspects (Downs & Lyons, 1991)
      • Attractive people make more money (Hamermesh & Biddle, 1994) and get better job ratings from bosses (Hosoda et al., 2003)
      • Parents spend more time looking at attractive babies!!!
physical attractiveness getting drawn in12
Physical Attractiveness: Getting Drawn In
  • Physical attractiveness is a powerful predictor of being liked
  • But….Limitations of Beautiful is Good Stereotype
self fulfilling prophecy of physical attractiveness snyder tanke berscheid 1977
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Physical Attractiveness(Snyder, Tanke, Berscheid, 1977)
  • Procedure:
    • Unacquainted males & females P set up as partners
    • Males get a photo of female partner
      • ½ get photo of attractive female
      • ½ get photo of unattractive female
      • In reality, the photo was not the woman on the phone
    • Partners have conversation via headphones
    • “observers” listened only to female side of the conversation
self fulfilling prophecy of physical attractiveness snyder tanke berscheid 197714
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Physical Attractiveness(Snyder, Tanke, Berscheid, 1977)
  • Dependent variables
    • Judges’ ratings of females
    • Males’ impressions of females
  • Results: When men thought she was attractive, she actually became more likeable

M’s expectations

based on

attractiveness

F’s behavior & M’s

impressions are

expectancy consistent

Ms act in line w/

expectations

what is physically attractive16
What is Physically Attractive?
  • Cross-cultural consistency (Cunningham, 1995)
  • Certain body features
  • For women, hourglass
  • Tall men preferred
what is physically attractive17
What is Physically Attractive?
  • Facial features
    • Wide-set eyes
    • Small, straight nose
    • Well-proportioned features
    • Babies prefer faces considered attractive by adults.
  • Computerized “averaged” faces
    • Averaged are attractive
slide18

4 Faces

8 Faces

16 Faces

32 Faces

4 Faces

8 Faces

16 Faces

32 Faces

averageness why
Averageness: Why?
  • People also find other averaged objects more attractive
  • Averaged Face
  • Symmetry and health?
similarity liking people who are just like us
Similarity: Liking People Who Are Just Like Us

Birds of a feather

flock together

Opposites

attract

similarity liking people who are just like us21
Procedure

Pairs selected based on attitudes

½ similar attitudes

½ dissimilar attitudes

Pairs went on a date

Results

Highly similar pairs were more attracted to each other than dissimilar pairs

Similarity: Liking People Who Are Just Like Us

Birds of a feather

flock together

similarity liking people who are just like us22
Similarity: Liking People Who Are Just Like Us
  • The matching hypothesis:
    • People tend to date and marry others of similar attractiveness
      • Why does it happen?
      • People want to date attractive people, but rejection hurts
        • Possibility of rejection makes people more realistic
        • Most attractive people pair off and are “off the market”

People seek the best but settle for what they can get!

reciprocity liking others who like us
Reciprocity: Liking Others Who Like Us
  • Reciprocity: We like people who like us
    • An enormously powerful effect
    • How to win friends and influence people (Dale Carnegie, 1937)
      • Sold 15 million copies
    • If you want others to like you, make sure they know you like them!
reciprocity liking others who like us24
Reciprocity: Liking Others Who Like Us
  • Procedure
    • Female pairs met several times to discuss topics
    • P overheard follow-up conversation btw her partner and experimenter
      • ¼ constantly positive comments about her
      • ¼ constantly negative comments about her
      • ¼ negative to positive comments about her (gain)
      • ¼ positive to negative comments about her (loss)
  • Results: P liked partner when evaluation changed from negative to positive (gain)
playing hard to get26
Playing Hard to Get
  • Problem with playing hard to get
    • moderately selective
    • We’re turned off by those who reject us
playing hard to get do the girls get prettier at closing time
Playing Hard to Get:Do “the girls get prettier at closing time?”
  • Attraction toward those who are hard to get because of external factors
    • Study 1 (Pennebaker et al, 1979):
      • Bar patrons rated attractiveness of same and opposite sex
      • Ratings taken at different time periods
      • People of opposite sex were seen as more attractive as the night wore on
      • Alcohol?
    • Study 2 (Madey et al, 1996):
      • Bar patrons rate attractiveness of same and opposite sex
      • Bar patrons’ level of commitment to a relationship
      • People of opposite sex were seen as more attractive as the night wore on BUT ONLY for those on the lookout for a “late-night” date
      • Conclusion: Closing time poses threat of losing chance with person, so it might not be alcohol
        • Scarcity, not inebriation
secure and insecure attachment styles
Secure and Insecure Attachment Styles
  • Attachment Style: The way a person typically interacts with significant others.
  • Is the attachment style we had with our parents related to the attachment style we exhibit in our romantic relationships?
intimate romantic relationships
Intimate/Romantic Relationships
  • Often involve three basic components:
    • Feelings of attachment, affection, and love.
    • The fulfillment of psychological needs.
    • Interdependence between partners, each of whom has a meaningful influence on the other.
murstein s 1986 stimulus value role theory
Murstein’s (1986) Stimulus-Value-Role Theory
  • 3 Stages of Romantic Relationships:
    • Stimulus Stage: Attraction is sparked by external attributes such as physical appearance.
    • Value Stage: Attachment is based on similarity of values and beliefs.
    • Role Stage: Commitment is based on the performance of such roles as husband and wife.
sternberg s triangular theory of love
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

I have a comfortable relationship with______

I will always feel a strong love for______

Just seeing______is exciting to me

types of love cont
Types of Love (cont.)
  • Hatfield et al. (1988)
    • Passionate Love: Romantic love characterized by high arousal, intense attraction, and fear of rejection.
    • Companionate Love: A secure, trusting, stable partnership.
romantic love the thrill of it
Romantic Love: The Thrill of It
  • Romantic love requires:
    • A heightened state of physiological arousal; and
    • The belief that this arousal was triggered by the beloved person.
  • Sometimes can misattribute physiological arousal to romantic love.
    • Process known as excitation transfer.
romantic love arousal and attribution
Romantic Love: Arousal and Attribution
  • Love on a bridge (Dutton & Aron, 1974)

Capilano Canyon Suspension

Bridge:

...a tendency to tilt, sway, and

wobble, creating the impression

that one is about to fall over the

side...

...230-foot drop to rocks and

shallow rapids below the bridge...

Control Bridge:

Constructed of heavy cedar

10 feet above a small,

shallow rivulet

high handrails and did not tilt

or sway

romantic love arousal and attribution37
Romantic Love: Arousal and Attribution
  • Love on a bridge (Dutton & Aron, 1974)
  • Participants were approached on bridge by attractive female experimenter
  • Asked to tell story about a relationship
  • Told they could call experimenter for results in a few weeks, given number
romantic love arousal and attribution38
Romantic Love: Arousal and Attribution
  • Results of Love on a bridge (Dutton & Aron, 1974)
  • In suspension bridge condition:
    • Wrote significantly more sexual stories
    • 50% called experimenter
  • In safe bridge condition:
    • Wrote significantly less sexual stories
    • 13% called experimenter
  • Excitation transfer
love over time
Love over time
  • Romantic love has a limited life-span
    • 18 - 30 months (Hazan, 1999)
  • When relationships last, companionate love appears to be what lasts...
  • Most common responses among couples married over 15 years when asked why their marriages had lasted (Lauer & Lauer, 1985):
    • “My spouse is my best friend.”
    • “I like my spouse as a person.”
why does the romance fade
Why does the romance fade?
  • Fantasy turns to reality
  • Novelty disappears
  • Arousal fades with time; Developing tolerance to the effects of love hormones
relationship issues sexuality
Relationship Issues: Sexuality
  • Kinsey’s groundbreaking research during 1940s.
  • Problems with studying sexual activities:
    • Limitations of self-reports
    • What does it mean to “have sex”?
  • Men view the world in more “sexualized” terms.
  • Gender differences in self-report surveys about sexual attitudes and behaviors.
relationship issues sexual orientation
Relationship Issues: Sexual Orientation
  • Sexual orientation is one’s sexual preference for members of the same sex, opposite sex, or both sexes.
  • Large scale surveys suggest that
    • 3-4% of men are exclusively homosexual.
    • 1-2% of women are exclusively homosexual.
  • Erotic Plasticity- women more likely to change sexual preferences across time than men.