11 Embarrassing fb badoo Faux Pas You Better Not Make

1. THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: Tips, tricks, and manipulations to Browse the pains and pitfalls I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Still, no reply. At this time I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I found out afterwards, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal program." The meal program, if you're not familiar with it, is when girls go on dates with guys merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone on until that point: all 37 dates to be precise. How could women take advantage of me like this? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first place. As I matured in my internet relationship, however, I realized that this was really a reaction for what men do to women. There are 3 major levers in our lives which, if we pull on them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this first hand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at once. I quit the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend who I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating novice. I was depressed. I was scarred. One day, I was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a small voice in my head said,"you're going to give up? No, no you are not. You are going to kick online dating's ass!" I started to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I began creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the whole process I took to learn online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll go over how to streamline the online dating process so that you can not just get dates, but maybe discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process might need to be different than the under. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from dating and treat it like an experiment.

2. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be more likely to enjoy the procedure. And, if you are diligent, you may end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that crazy, but perhaps they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Note: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these strategies as we navigate the current struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship trip (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The absolute most frequent error I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is that they don't define their target clearly. Deep down inside, the majority of us know whether we are looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario I've found is that both women and men that are looking for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their relationship for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with internet dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating website. Basically, so as to optimize for receiving dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photographs. Now I want to be clear, there is nothing wrong with girls having"promiscuous" photos online. The issue, in the case of dating, is the format of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual cues much faster than written clues. In actuality, they have found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information other than the profile photograph before a user clicks, leading with provocative photos sets a bad first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up on your instagram, leading together in your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong type of guy. Additionally, there are lots of classy ways to possess interesting pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Internet Dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy

3. So, although Maddy was trying to locate a relationship, her photographs were only sending signals that she's looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag men filling up her inbox. Every guy who has done online dating will testify to the battle of getting a woman to swipe directly on their profile, let alone to make them engage in a conversation. Guys, this is entirely your own fault. I have seen men spend hours talking about the statistics of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will effect the team's chances. But, when it comes to online dating, men tend to slap a few pictures in their profile and then start swiping like orangutans until their palms develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to achieve. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" is not an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everyone, you will appeal to no one." The techniques I will outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. By way of instance, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a great deal of dates (3-- 4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I only realized months after that, while it's good to go on a lot of dates and get practice dating (remember I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to be sure I was dating the perfect people. Luckily I realized this before I had been the victim of some more"meal plans" STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions First impressions matter. According to a study from Princeton, it's estimated that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make our mind up about whether we like the person in less than 1 second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They don't get to hear you talk. They don't get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is one picture and there is a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If a person is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to check is the profile picture. I

4. started this process in a very unscientific way... I went to every female friend I knew and asked her what she thought of my pictures. One hundred, and I mean 100% of these said that my first picture wasn't my best. It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't sure how I could test numerous pictures considering that I could only put one as the default. The answer: testing across apps. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I retained my profile description the same on each profile, but I set up a different profile picture on each. I rotated the images across profiles until I could find a large enough sample size and be certain that the platform was not effecting results. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture which I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches. Interestingly enough, a film that I didn't read into, pic B, was actually a massive turn off for pretty much 100 percent of girls. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they answered,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found out this, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mineso that I never would have made this connection. Sometimes your photographs can be your greatest blind spot. To completely test out this idea, I really enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change their profile pictures. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 2 This is a super simple optimization that may seem to be a pain now, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often. Top Tip: If you want to speed this process up, you can really ask your matches exactly what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a match was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photographs she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable Now, a part of this error might be my fault, since I took his advice very literally. I began to speak my thoughts, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wanted to act. This turned out to be a very bad idea.

5. With no filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I've come to understand that there's a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our total selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a great podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signs to give to other people. A man wearing a button up top, for instance, isn't always wealthy, but the button up top is putting out the sign that he's wealthy. Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the guy in the button up shirt is indicating that he's okay with following convention. Signals matter. In college I met a girl at a party who immediately caught my eye. She was wearing a summer dress, flower earrings, and looked really cute. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the entire party dancing and flirting. We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. At first I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. I was that man. I did not really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a signal at the party didn't match her personality in any way. We ended the date cordially and moved on. Signals matter. Choosing your signs is good, but picking false signals not so much. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You do not want to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You want to tell them about how you collect classic records, you do not want to tell them about the way you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You want to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't want to let them know about how you ran over your cat. First impressions matter. Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the most difficult and personal bit of enhancing your online dating

6. profile. There is absolutely no right answer, but there are definitely some wrong answers. The first step to having a great dating profile description is using a very clear structure. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that provides some color to your interests and personality. Call to Action: A desirable action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something that you can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you do not want guys messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social networking sites: fast and without much thought. It could be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar manner. Because of this, I think the headline is possibly the most important bit of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I discovered that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active." The goal of the headline is to provide a quick snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and short acts like a stop sign for the individual who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. If you ask any top-performing marketer,"how do I create content which will be successful?" It is likely that they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, terrific content is all about respecting the medium that you are creating the content for. By way of instance, if I went into a woman in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she'll definitely get up and leave. The reverse is true for online dating, however. You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and make sure that it is quintessentially you. The Intro Paragraph After that initial curiosity is peaked, you can start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to write a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your picture and headline being the first two. The intro paragraph provides a small amount of colour and perhaps some talking points that you two can talk

7. about in chat (again, ladies, this is extremely important to add if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as possible! Some of my favorite items are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I'm a creative at heart but I love learning about new and businesses ideas. I'm into photography, design, and Tim Ferriss. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a good book at Promenade cafe" This paragraph outlines a few basic hobbies and activities I like as well as some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic actions that could apply to pretty much anyone. "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I am sure that there are people in the world who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of the people in your area enjoy both those things too. As opposed to trying to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to discover common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For example in my description above: -- Most people like being outdoors and photography. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. This is optional, even though it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In dating, you basically want the person to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I have found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they eventually become discouraged from making first contact. I have heard countless stories of women who have matched with a man who they really enjoy, but the man never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they don't want to appear desperate. Butobviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have an individual section that states: My CTA goes as follows:

8. "You should message me if you're an interesting person who likes to play outside." Again, as with all this advice, when in doubt just check it out. Try using a call to action and see if your conversations improve. If they don't, just delete it. The attractiveness of dating apps is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you would if you went to a pub for instance, you have thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making first contact and chatting where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to chat online as your initial conversation is a massive limitation when you're trying to start a new relationship. For starters, it's a very unnatural method of communicating, because it's been shown that we receive 55% of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication. It makes sense then that when you take millions of people and set them in a supernatural communication environment you get some pretty unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you're serious about finding a good relationship through online dating, then it's a fantastic idea to study your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply would not have been able to see if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I will spare you some of the terrible ideas I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a bad one. For bonus points, try to order them from most effective to least effective. How's it going?" C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or some other variation of this sort of question). D) "Hey! (according to a book they listed in their profile) I'll allow you to consider it for a second. (I'll add some distance before the answer below. Scroll as soon as you're ready.)

9. Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response Scroll for the response And the answer is... If you guessed D, then you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the replies are B, D, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that obviously depends if they've put a book in their profile. You can alter this to ask about some other part of their profile, like a picture or a location in their own pictures. The reason I suspect the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I may use the book opener to start a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? I'm currently reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt much more natural and went past a few messages. The second best option,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works nearly as well, but it is obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday). An alternate version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it's because it seems too much like I'm about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think of something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and the other person has responded, it is time to have a conversation. Every dialog changes, but there are some guidelines that I will put in here as hints.

10. First, some online dating suggestions for guys: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you the number of messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation just like you would with a friend. DO attempt to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own ideas. Among the most common complaints I've heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Be certain that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it'll be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you're so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You are..." will only lead to a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I have tried to be nice and friendly, I have still received quite curt or standoff-ish answers. No matter how much guys pretend that they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they usually don't have any clue what they are doing, so offer them some help and guide the dialogue in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you're tired of discussions feeling such as interviews, then be certain that you ask the guy about things he is interested in as well. It takes two to tango. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women tend to put a lot more thought in their text messages than guys do. If a man says something that looks weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a proposal for both parties: Attempt to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a excellent tool to meet someone, but it is just that. It's a tool, it is not actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. So, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have started talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the apps, but also get them off quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too if you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online portion of relationship, I soon realized that procuring the date is only half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your house. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. Where you have your date determines about 50--70 percent of the outcome of the date. But a question...

11. Where is the worst place to have a date? As it turns out, it is actually at the most frequently selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant. At first I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. But remember, I was completely new to relationship so I was only following what I had seen in movies. Most of them didn't go well, but I wasn't sure why. After a dozen or so awkward (and expensive) dates, I determined that I need to experiment with several other locations. What occurred next was totally mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates improved tremendously. It was not I was doing anything differently or that I was picking better women to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a table. You start speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You are not ready to order since you've been talking. The waiter provides you"another moment." You examine the menu making remarks about the choices. The server comes back ten minutes later. You order food. Then you run out of things to talk about. What should you do next? There are no exits, nothing around to comment on, nothing to see or do. You have to keep talking. A dinner date provides no choices. It is a singular task that depends on you connecting with a complete stranger almost immediately. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that most of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- person communication skills. Therefore, if we're getting worse at having in-person discussions, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact you will be able to have an amazing in-person conversation with a complete stranger? 3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that dating could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I was holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet above the floor like a giant cat toy. My fingers started to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a great bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp shock of the rope in my climbing harness. But there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it turns out, my climbing partner had let go of the rope as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't grab the rope until I had fallen 15 ft to what I was certain was my upcoming death.

12. Finally the rope eventually stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically. My entire dating profession made a 180-degree turn when I started taking my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. I would take them to play tennis, rock climb, festivals, picnics at the beach, music shows, and everything in between. Some of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most essential elements to a wonderful date place could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together podryw na tinderze or can we walk around? When you are walking, your landscape is changing so that you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Activity -- Can we do the action reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one pretty wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but be certain it's not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing? Make sure she is not afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No problem, how do we end the date earlier? Using these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on. Now I know what you're thinking,"This man took women out to the same places like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to order, but, based on interests, I'd substitute unique activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was merely a template which simplified my decisions and reduced the cognitive load I was putting in my mind. Happy brain = Happy dates. So here's my perfect dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday by the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food preferences. Then (if you are a guy) you have to account for cost of food. Off the grid solves this because there are over 20 distinct types of (affordable) cuisine. It also lets you walk around, people watch, and get drinks. You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Feel like going all out? Date #2 -- Variable: This date could change based on interests but I had a few go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: What these activities had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, activity, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between activity and talking. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the relationship to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, plus it was a semi-formal occasion so we could both dress well for that special night. This was also

13. my secret test because if a girl didn't like science and facts it probably would not work out between us anyway. As an additional bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the evening. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating arrangement. Here are a few ideas on what to look for on each date as you try to make your own dating sequence: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for good conversation. Make sure that you can reliably go to this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you will need to make reservations. Make sure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book a person's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you've both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you will both like that isn't too difficult. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Watching a movie at a movie theater has similar limits. Date #3: You both confirmed you enjoy each other, it's time to bring it to the next level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it should confirm whether you want to keep on seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates one and two, there can be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you choose provides new intimacy to the relationship. For instance, if I didn't go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Getting your Timing Right Perhaps among the most important pieces of the internet dating mystery that I see men screw up again and again is time. Assuming the man is the one forcing the relationship sequence (which isn't always the case) there are some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? When should you go for the kiss? When should you sleep together? Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most helpful. But again, depending upon your context, your culture, and your comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually consider timing, as opposed to leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It's very easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message her, she messages you, back and forth, back and forth. In order to make sure that I don't waste all my time with online conversations I found that it was best to ask a woman to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of the virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's very easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 once I was 25, working as"the new man" at a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. One thing that I noticed is that each and every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no great too. Okay how about the week after that?"

14. No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" another meeting into the calendar with the option of cancelling if desired. When I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always request the next date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you're getting plenty of uncertainty. No one likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder whether you like them or not. Surprisingly, most people don't mind if you don't like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion is to quit playing games, both with another person and with yourself. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them that you aren't prepared to date right now. I had a girl tell me this and it was the simplest let down I've ever experienced and used it later myself too). I should pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they've just met and they then proceed to constantly text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. He told me,"Women are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the longer they chase you." If you discover someone who you want to be with really poorly, do not scare them away by being obsessive. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously attempt to set up a date, but there's no reason to go on dates every single night of the week. Allow the relationship to have some breathing room. A good way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There's a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it as well. In several studies, anthropologists have found that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the people in that relationship have been forced apart. What is interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same is true in humans. By data mining cell phone records and comparing call patterns and length, the researchers at the university found that humans may also invest more effort into relationships when there is a risk of that connection weakening. I tried applying this research to relationship in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse in between dates, ironically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for dating that I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0

15. Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- factor This sequence meant that I would spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for enough time for the relationship to grow and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, these dating approaches helped me tremendously, but depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process might have to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come out of dating. In actuality, because relationship is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it is vital to have a system set up that will help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on an actual rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply hop on and hold on. Making certain you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less intense rides will help you enjoy the ride a good deal more. As we often discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and only make your goal just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the help of world wide investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and minimize your chance of catastrophic failure. A way of doing that is by going on dates that are not just sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your relationship partner behaves, at least you will have a good time doing something fun. And, to minimize the risk, you should build both an outreach and dating sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Find a few activities you like doing and then fit the dates into these activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run. Of course, regardless of how well I did all the above items, I had my share of terrible dates. The woman who used me as a meal program being just one of many. Dating is a rollercoaster that will scare you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But remember, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You are not as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on your own, improving your discussions, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed this post, I would super love if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more people can find it. And, if you've any more questions about dating, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.