10 Wrong Answers to Common rozmowy z tindera Questions: Do You Know the Right On

1. THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING: Tips, tricks, and manipulations to navigate the pains and pitfalls She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Still, no response. At this time I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely wasn't my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I found out afterwards, I had fallen into a trap known as"the meal program." The meal plan, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when women go on dates with men just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone on until there: all 37 dates to be precise. How could women take advantage of me like this? As I matured in my online dating, however, I realized that this was actually a reaction for what men do to women. There are three major levers in our lives that, if we pull them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this firsthand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I quit the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and relationship newcomer. I was depressed. I was scared. After 9 months of misery and frustration I was going to give up on online dating all together. One dayI was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a little voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you are not. You're going to kick on online dating's ass!" I began to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I began creating what I called,"The Process." In this blog post I will take you through the whole process I took to master online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, beginning meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so you can't just get dates, but maybe discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that based on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process might need to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you will be more likely to enjoy the process. And, if you're diligent, you may end up finding that special person.

2. UPDATE: As of 2019 I have been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 years and we have moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that mad, but maybe they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Listen to the Modern Dating Show Podcast for more tips, tricks, and embarrassingly real stories. Note: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a whole lot of these approaches as we browse the current struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship journey (and answer listener questions). STEP 1 -- Decide what you're looking for The absolute most common mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their target obviously. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we're looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario that I've discovered is that both men and women that are looking for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with online dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a real 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she'd need my help. In less than 5 seconds I saw the problem. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating website. Basically, in order to optimize for receiving dates, Maddy had chosen to only include her most provocative photographs. Now I would like to be clear, there's nothing wrong with women having"promiscuous" pictures online. The issue, in the event of dating, is the format of a dating profile and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual cues much faster than written hints. In fact, they have found that men who are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by without even activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles hide most information other than the profile photograph until a user clicks, leading with provocative photos sets a poor first impression. So, while it's totally fine to have hot photos up on your instagram, leading together in your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also lots of classy ways to have intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind. Online dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy So, although Maddy was trying to find a relationship, her photos were sending signals that she is looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 Every man who has done online dating will testify to the battle of getting a woman to swipe directly in their

3. profile, let alone to make them participate in a conversation. Men, this is entirely your own fault. I have seen guys spend hours talking about the numbers of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will effect the team's chances. But, when it comes to online dating, guys have a tendency to slap a few pictures in their profile and then start swiping like orangutans till their palms develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you begin creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you are trying to attain. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you searching for a meaningful relationship? And"both" is not an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everyone, you will interest no one." The techniques I'll outline below work for either desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. For instance, the first time I mastered everything in this process, I started going on a great deal of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months after that, while it is great to go on a lot of dates and get practice dating (recall I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more jak poderwać kobietę important to make sure I had been dating the perfect folks. Fortunately I realized this before I had been the victim of some more"meal programs " STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions First impressions matter. According to a study from Princeton, it's estimated that in any relationship, whether its social or work, we make up our mind about whether we like the person in less than one second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture.

4. They do not get to hear you speak. They do not get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it is a thing). All you get is one picture and there's a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If one is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to test is the profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way... I went to every female friend I knew and asked her what she thought of my pictures. One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image was not my best. It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't sure how I could test numerous pictures considering that I could only put one as the default. The answer: testing across programs. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I kept my profile description the exact same on each profile, but I put up a different profile picture on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles before I could get a big enough sample size and be certain that the platform was not effecting results. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture which I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a film that I didn't read much into, pic B, was really a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of women. I was shocked when I found out this, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mineso that I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photographs can be your greatest blind spot. To totally test this idea out, I really enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures. This is a super easy optimization that may look like a pain now, but it is going to save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20% of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently. Top Tip: If you want to speed up this process, you can really ask your games what they think of your pictures. If a conversation with a match was not going well, I decided to at least get some"user comments" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) Now, a part of this error might be my fault, since I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wished to act.

5. This turned out to be a very bad idea. With no filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I have matured a bit, I have come to realize that there is a difference between being your total self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our complete selves except when we are by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signs to give to other people. A man wearing a button up shirt, as an instance, is not necessarily wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the signal that he is wealthy. Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is indicating she does not wish to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is indicating that he's okay with following convention. Signals matter. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my eye. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the whole party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date at the college cafeteria later that week. I got to the cafeteria early and decided to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a girl walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed all in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace around her neck. Initially I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we began talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they had dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a man. I was that guy. I did not care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized that we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a signal at the party didn't match her personality in any way. We ended the date cordially and proceeded on. Signals matter. Choosing your signs is good, but picking false signals not so much. You do not need to lie, but you also don't want to be your total self. You need to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you don't want to let them know about how you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You need to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you don't need to let them know about how you ran over your cat. First impressions matter. Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the most difficult and personal piece of improving your online dating profile. There is absolutely no right answer, but there are definitely some incorrect answers.

6. The first step to having a good dating profile description is using a clear structure. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 components: Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that gives some color to your interests and character. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something you can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you don't want men messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf internet dating programs the way they surf social media sites: quickly and without much thought. It might be, in fact, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar manner. Due to this, I think the headline is perhaps the most crucial bit of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I discovered that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active." The goal of the headline is to give a fast snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and short acts like a stop sign for the individual who's scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their phone. It is likely that they'll laugh at the question. As any good content marketer knows, great content is all about respecting the medium that you are producing the content for. For instance, if I went up to a girl at a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she'll definitely get up and leave. The reverse is true for online relationship, however. You need your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or one sentence, and be certain that it is quintessentially you. After that initial curiosity is peaked, you can start paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to write a book about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your headline and picture being the first two. The intro paragraph provides a small amount of colour and perhaps some talking points that you two can talk about in conversation (again, ladies, this is extremely important to add if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph which worked best for me was: "I love being outdoors as much as possible! Some of my favourite items are surfing, climbing, and playing

7. volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I love learning about new and businesses ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My perfect Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe." This paragraph outlines a few basic hobbies and activities I enjoy and some non-standard items like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The most important thing to remember about this section is to avoid the generic actions that could apply to pretty much anyone. "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I am positive that there are people in the world who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the folks in your area enjoy both those things too. Rather than attempting to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can find common ground, but also things that are uniquely you. For example in my description above: -- Most people like being outside and photography. -- But very few people like learning about businesses or Tim Ferriss. The Call To Action This is optional, although it certainly helps. In advertising, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In relationship, you essentially need the individual to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I have found that a whole lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making first contact. I have heard countless stories of girls who have matched with a man who they really enjoy, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, they say that they don't know what to say or they don't want to seem desperate. The call to action helps alleviate this problem by making it clear that you want them to message you. But, obviously you don't want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that states: Again, as with this advice, when in doubt just test it out. Try using a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. When they don't, just delete it. The attractiveness of dating programs is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a relationship, as you

8. would if you went to a bar for instance, you have thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making first talking and contact The place where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to talk online as your first conversation is a huge limitation when you're trying to start a new relationship. For starters, it is a very unnatural way of communicating, because it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication. It makes sense then that if you take millions of people and set them in an unnatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it might be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online relationship, then it's a good idea to study your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply wouldn't have been able to see if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible thoughts I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a bad one. QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best? A) "Hey! How's it going?" How was your weekend?" (or some other variation of this sort of question). How did you like X book?" (according to a book they listed in their profile) I'll allow you to consider it for a second. (I will add some distance before the answer below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer And the answer is...

9. If you guessed D, you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the replies are B, D, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to some conversation starter. While I found that the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that clearly depends if they have put a book in their profile. You can modify this to ask about some other part of the profile, such as a picture or a location in their own pictures. The reason I suspect that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I may use the book opener to start a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x publication? I'm now reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is how I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I began with this opener felt a lot more natural and moved past a few messages. The next best option,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works nearly as well, but it is obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly too. I suspect it is because it sounds too much like I'm going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and another person has responded, it's time to have a dialogue. Every dialog changes, but there are a few guidelines that I'll put in here as suggestions. First, some online dating tips for men: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you the number of messages my female friends have shown me that noise objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation like you would with a friend. DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own thoughts. Among the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be certain that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her body or appearance. Irrespective of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You have a cute smile! You're..." will only result in a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation. Now, a few online dating suggestions for girls: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I have tried to be nice and friendly, I have still received very curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they usually have no clue what they're doing, so offer them some help and direct the dialogue in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you are tired of conversations feeling such as interviews, then make sure to ask the guy about things he is interested in as well.

10. DON'T make judgments too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to put a lot more thought into their text messages than guys do. If a man says something that looks weird or strange, give him the benefit of the doubt and don't read too much into it, chances are he did not either. Now a suggestion for both parties: Try to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a great tool to fulfill someone, but it's just that. It is a tool, it is not actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to set up a date. Thus, if you match with one another on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the apps, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too if you know how to set up great dates... Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online portion of relationship, I soon realized that securing the date is only half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your residence. Where you have your date decides about 50--70 percent of the outcome of the date. But a question... Where is the worst place to have a date? As it happens, it is actually at the most commonly selected dating location: A sit-down restaurant. At first I was taking all of my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But remember, I was completely new to relationship so I was just following what I had seen in movies. Many of them did not go well, but I wasn't sure why. After a dozen or so embarrassing (and expensive) dates, I decided that I should experiment with several other locations. What happened next was absolutely mind blowing. Almost like flipping a light switch, my dates improved tremendously. It was not that I was doing anything differently or that I had been choosing better girls to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I think dinner dates don't work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger outside a restaurant. You sit down at a table. You start speaking, then the waiter interrupts asking about drinks. You choose beverages. You continue to talking. The waiter interrupts again for your food order. You are not ready to order since you've been talking. The waiter gives you"another moment." You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The server comes back ten minutes later. You continue talking. You then run out of things to talk about. What do you do next? You need to keep talking.

11. A dinner date provides no choices. It's a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost instantly. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at getting in-person conversations. Spending so much time online has improved our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- house communication abilities. Therefore, if we are getting worse at having in-person conversations, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact you will be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? 3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that dating could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I had been holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the floor like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this is going to be a great bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp jolt of the rope on my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it happens, my climbing partner had let go of the rope just as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't grab the rope until I had dropped 15 ft to what I was certain was my upcoming death. Finally the rope eventually stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both emotionally and physically. My entire dating career made a 180-degree turn once I started carrying my dates on fun activities rather than dinners. A number of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most crucial elements to a wonderful date spot could be distilled into three classes: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is changing so you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked man on rollerblades!" (It is San Francisco after all). Activity -- Can we both do the action reasonably well? I've seen guys get this one fairly wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but make certain it's not too hard. Taking a girl rock climbing? Make sure she is not afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a great time? Great! No chemistry? No problem, how can we end the date earlier? Using these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence which nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on.

12. Now I know what you are thinking,"This guy took women out to the very same places like it was some sort of regimented assembly line?" This was my go-to order, but, depending on interests, I'd substitute unique activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was merely a template that simplified my choices and reduced the cognitive load I was putting on my brain. So here is my ideal dating arrangement: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks every Friday from the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the difficulties of inviting someone out to dinner is that everyone has different food tastes. Then (if you're a guy) you've got to account for cost of meals. Off the grid solves this since there are over 20 distinct kinds of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Feel like going all out? Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, namely: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach. Why I like it: These actions had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, grab cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favorite pub, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between activity and talking. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night at the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can catch drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was especially important because if a woman had made it #3, it meant I really liked her. It also meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, plus it was a semi-formal occasion so we could both dress nicely for that special night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a girl did not like science and facts it likely would not work out between us anyway. Listen to all the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating arrangement. Here are a few tips on what to search for on every date as you try to create your own dating sequence: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for great conversation. Be certain that you can reliably visit this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Ensure you are able to schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You've broken the ice and you've both agreed to another date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you will both like that is not too tricky. Ideally choose an activity which has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it doesn't allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limits. Date #3: You both confirmed you like each other, it is time to bring it to the next level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it should confirm whether you want to keep on seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates and two, there can be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you choose provides new intimacy to the relationship. By way of

13. instance, if I did not go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe one of the most important pieces of the internet dating mystery that I see guys screw up again and again is time. Assuming the guy is the one forcing the relationship sequence (which isn't necessarily the case) there are some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? When should you go for the kiss? Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort your answers may vary. The important thing is to actually consider timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling" Going from Online to Offline It's quite easy to let a great online conversation die out. You message her, she messages you, back and forth, back and forth. To be able to make sure I don't waste all my time with internet conversations I found that it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of the virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's quite easy to waste plenty of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, working as"the new man" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. One thing that I noticed is that each and every time they were finishing a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week after that?" No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting to the calendar with the option of cancelling if needed. Once I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to a pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it's worked really well: Always ask for the second date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting a lot of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to look at their phone every hour to see if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals don't mind if you don't like them, they just want to know. So my suggestion would be to quit playing games, both with the other person and with yourself. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you don't, have the respect to let them know you do not. (A gentle way to do this is by telling them you aren't prepared to date at this time. I had a girl tell me and it was the easiest let down I've ever experienced and utilized it later myself also ).

14. I must pause here for a single caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get very excited by the person they've just met and they then proceed to constantly text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. He told me,"Women are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the more they pursue you." If you find someone who you want to be with really badly, do not frighten them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively attempt to set up a date, but there's no reason to go on dates each and every night of the week. Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A good way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There is a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it as well. In a number of studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that connection have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing telephone patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that humans may also invest more effort into relationships when there is a risk of that connection weakening. I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked very well. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, paradoxically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for relationship that I found worked fairly well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This arrangement meant that I would spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the connection to grow and helped me make sure I didn't suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of the post, these dating strategies helped me tremendously, but depending upon your context, your culture, and your comfort, your procedure might have to be different than the one above. The important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come out of relationship. In actuality, because relationship is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it is vital to have a system set up that will assist you navigate the ups and downs.

15. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply hop on and hold on. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less extreme rides can allow you to enjoy the ride a whole lot more. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, even when you let go of expectations and just create your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the help of world-class investors, you need to diversify your portfolio and decrease your chance of catastrophic failure. A means of doing that is by going on dates that aren't just sit-down dinners, so that no matter how your relationship partner behaves, at least you'll have a good time doing something interesting. And, to decrease the risk, you need to build both an outreach and relationship sequence so that you reduce the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you enjoy doing and then match the dates into those activities. This is also a great way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long term. Of course, regardless of how well I did all the above items, I had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal plan being just one of several. But remember, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You're never as bad as they say you are, you are also not as good as you think you are." Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your relationship with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more people can discover it. And, if you've any more questions about dating, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.