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Some practical strategies for increasing the chance of a successful student-teacher conversation about behaviour . There’s an art: Challenge them but like them simultaneously– if they don’t own it, they ain’t going to change it. . Six Tips: Tip #1 Prepare emotionally

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slide1

Some practical strategies for increasing the chance of a successful student-teacher conversation about behaviour

There’s an art:

Challenge them but like them simultaneously– if they don’t own it, they ain’t going to change it.

slide2

Six Tips:

Tip #1 Prepare emotionally

Tip #2 Show undying good will to the student – make it

really hard for them to hate you

Tip #3Get Socratic – ask instead of telling

Tip #4 Work through stretches of the truth respectfully

Tip #5 Be brave enough to admit mistakes

Tip #6Be aware of positioning and body language

slide3
Tip #1Prepare yourself emotionally

Anxiety is perfectly normal

How will the student be?

Some self administered CBT helps!

As painful as this kids is, he’s just a kid……

I’m going to show this kid I like them and I’m going to stick at it …….*

Supporting Teachers in the Work Place – Bill Rogers

slide5

Be calm, persist

Relationship

Show you like ‘em (or fake it). Otherwise, they’ll bunker

down and lash out to protect themselves. “Go to war”

Think fast

When in conflict, never ask;

“What did you just say?”

“Why did you do that?”

LEAVE SECONDARY BEHAVIOUR ALONE….

Pretend you didn’t hear or say “I’m sorry you feel that way…”

Avoid defending your position. Say:

“Yeah! I can't make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

"I like you too much to argue about this.”

“That might be so, this is how it is going to be.”

  • Deal with ANGER calmly
  • It’s an emotion that needs a VOICE
  • There are ways to deal better with
  • with this raw emotion:
  • Avoid demanding instant reform
  • These students rely on intelligent, emotionally poised teachers
  • Develop exit procedures - cool down cards, tickets, rewards, etc
  • Usually, system, parental and external support is crucial
  • Use POSITIVE BEHAVIOURAL SUPPORTS (may take years)
use an affective statement straight up
Use an affective statement straight up

“Mal, I like having you in this class. I need you to know that. But I was disappointed with your response when I asked you to get back on with your work.

That’s just not like you to get uptight like that about simple teacher requests. What do you need me to know about what happened?

You're the problem: You suck

Step 1: Affirm student

“You hate me / pick on me”

Step 2: Challenge the behaviour

“I can get away with stuff”

Step 2a: Re-affirm student

“So you don’t like me now?”

I’m the problem: I suck

“You don’t listen, it’s not fair”

Step 3: Give Right of reply

How I acted was the problem, You’re okay, I’m okay

use an affective statement straight up1
Use an affective statement straight up

“Mal, I like having you in this class. I need you to know that. But I was disappointed with your response when I asked you to get back on with your work.

That’s just not like you to get uptight like that about simple teacher requests. What do you need me to know about what happened?

You're the problem: You suck

Step 1: Affirm student

“You hate me / pick on me”

Step 2: Challenge the behaviour

“I can get away with stuff”

Step 2a: Re-affirm student

“So you don’t like me now?”

I’m the problem: I suck

“You don’t listen, it’s not fair”

Step 3: Give Right of reply

How I acted was the problem, You’re okay, I’m okay

slide8

The Restorative Practices Continuum

Thorsborne & Vinegrad 2009

Process

Affective statement

Individual

conference

Small group

conference

Large group

conference

Classroom

conference

Community

conference

‘The more serious the harm done, the more serious will be the response’

Teacher and several students

Teachers, parents and students

Teacher and Student

Teachers and whole class

Participants

slide9

Dr. Robert Cialdini’s Research on

Ethical Influence

The Principle

of liking

Regent's Professor, Arizona State UniversityE-mail Robert Cialdini, Ph.D.

www.influenceatwork.com

slide10

How do you convey ‘liking’ to a student without looking like a suck?

Putthe spotlight on positive behaviour – what you notice will grow

Positive feedback on work – written can be effective

Greet students politely

Challenge respectfully

Say ‘goodbye’ on their way out

Make a quick comment on something they’re interested in – act naive about it and invite them to teach you!

Group praise

Proximity praise – short and punchy

Be careful about public praise

Non-verbal praise

Don’t be afraid to make yourself look a bit goofy

What ideas do you have

Given the documented positive effects of teacher praise, it is puzzling why so many teachers make little use if it (Gable et a., 1983; Gunther & Denny, 1998; Shores et al., 1993; Sutherland & Wehby, 2001; Sutherland et al., 2002) cited in Gable, Hester, Rock & Hughes (2009)

understanding shame humiliation

WITHDRAWAL

ATTACK

OTHERS

ATTACK

SELF

AVOIDANCE

Understanding Shame & Humiliation

We can only learn something positive from the painful emotion of shame when we feel respected and accepted, particularly by those who point our shortcomings out to us.

Those who don’t feel loved, or lack the ability to love themselves can’t learn anything positive from shame.

Human Affect Theory

Donald Nathanson MD.

braithwaite s reintegrative shaming theory applied
Braithwaite's Reintegrative Shaming Theory applied...

We are far less likely to acknowledge we have done the wrong thing if we feel disliked by the person confronting us

If a student feels we like and accept them they are more likely that they will accept the tough feedback when we have to give it

Chips in the bank are extremely important – make sure the bank has something in it when we need to make a withdrawal!

tip 3 get socratic ask questions instead of telling
Tip #3:Get Socratic – ask questions instead of telling

(Name) Do you have any questions for me about why I asked you to leave the room....

Or Do you understand the reasons I...

Or Do you know why I ...?

  • Questioning instead of telling:
  • Conveys our desire to listen to them
  • Avoid cutting off / interrupting / contradicting
  • Be ready for different perception, blame, sugar coating
the socratic style restorative questions
The Socratic Style – Restorative Questions

What was happening from your side?

What made you decide to.../ What were you hoping would happen...

What do you think about that now we’re having a chat about it?

Who was affected by your behaviour (and how)....(what about you?)

Which classroom rule was affected what you did?

What do you think needs to happen to clean this mess up?*

What ‘s a fair way for me to deal with it if this happens again?

slide15

The Restorative Practices Continuum

Thorsborne & Vinegrad 2009

Process

Affective statement

Individual

conference

Small group

conference

Large group

conference

Classroom

conference

Community

conference

‘The more serious the harm done, the more serious will be the response’

Teacher and several students

Teachers, parents and students

Teacher and Student

Teachers and whole class

Participants

slide16

Tip #4: Work through stretches of the truth

Be ready for a different version of the story - don’t expect a completely accurate account or get caught in small details*

remain calm, friendly and respectful – don’t contradict or interrupt them

Point out what you agree on 1st“I agree right up until the part where...”

Challenge without accusing them of lying and lead them through your recollection

“This is how I saw it...” “This is what I wrote down about it...”

Use discrepancy assertion

“Look, this confuses me Ben. On the one hand you're saying that you worked all lesson but on the other hand I have nothing that shows me that”

be specific about the behaviour
Be specific about the behaviour:

Avoid using general terms to describe the behaviour:

  • “You acted inappropriately”
  • “You were rude”
  • “You showed me attitude”
  • “You were violent”

Name it, ask permission to mirror it

slide18

Tip #5: Be brave enough to admit own mistakes

Shared responsibility taking is a very powerful thing – it sometimes sets reciprocity in action

If you made a bad call, a wrong assumption, had a human moment, forgive yourself and admit it

“I could have handled that part better”

“I got really cranky and it didn’t help the situation”

“I missed that bit”

This empowers kids to take responsibility for their bad decisions

We are (after all) modelling the restorative spirit

slide19

Tip #6: Be aware of positioning and body language

Adolescent boys are not too

far from the jungle!

Where’s the door?

Know your own defensive quirks*

slide20

Six Tips Overview:

Tip #1 Prepare emotionally

Tip #2 Show undying good will to the student

unleash the power of affective statements

Tip #3 Get Socratic – ask questions instead of telling

Tip #4 Work through stretches of the truth

Tip #5 Be brave enough to admit own mistakes

Tip #6Be aware of positioning and body language