The secrets of Love The guide for true relationship

1. The secrets of LoveThe guide for true relationship Dr Yaron Ziv MSW. Ph.D Tel-Aviv University Maof center for human development

2. Fantasy and reality • We run our livesthrough out reality and fantasyall the time • Reality forces us to live through facts without denial

3. Fantasy and reality • Fantasy is the ability to live in imagination with no connection to reality • Healthy life is the combination of these two elements. We need them both

4. Fantasy and reality • If we live all the time just through reality life is perceived as a burden. • We lose hope and we become depressed

5. Fantasy and reality • If we live all the time just through fantasy, we become detached from reality, we don’t take responsibility –we run away to “drugs”

6. Fantasy and reality • We need both reality and fantasy for our emotional balance • We need to recognize the reality and yet to give ourselves “legitimate" escapes like hope and imagination

7. The child and the adult in us • In any one of us there are three major roles: • The “child like” role • The “adult-mature" role • The “Parent” role Child like Adult like Parent like

8. The child and the adult in us • The “child like” role is in charge of vitality, enthusiasm, expressing emotions, no inhibitions ,authenticity directness, spontaneity etc.

9. The child and the adult in us • The “adult-mature” role is in charge of rationalism, logical thinking, restraining , cost benefit thinking, analyzing, realism, negotiating, patient, including, empathetic.

10. The child –adult Balance • When the “mature” part domineers the “child” part, we become very efficient, rationally thinking, logically operating but with no passion ,with no vitality, no aliveness!!!