How to Talk to Your Partner About Watching Porn

1. HowtoTalktoYourPartnerAboutWatchingPorn If you feel your partner slipping away from you physically or acting differently aroundyou intimately, they might be cheating. But what if they weren’t going outand committing the act physically but rather viewing it? Whether it’s your partner’sfirst time watching porn or addiction has blossomed, it is crucial to understand how men become addicted and how it affects their life andyours. It may be time to talk to yourpartner about watching porn. WhyDoMenWatchPorn? Living in a digital age where everything is readilyavailable at your fingertips, it is no surprise that porn addiction and viewership have increased. Porn has even begun to trickle its way onto social media platforms.An estimated91.5% of menconsume pornography, and Christian men aren’texempt. But whilemost menwatch pornography,it’s notsafe, saidMatt Wenger,Clinical Directorat Boulder Recovery. He said it should be avoided at all costs, whether a person is Christian or not. “Studies have repeatedly shown that porn is not safe for empathic and frontal lobe development, regardlessof one’s moral view,” he said. The consequence of chronic porn use is neurological rewiring that results in viewing intimacy as purelysexual behavior and vice versa, Matt said.

2. “As a result, we lose the ability to be truly intimate,” he said. “We lose connection with ourselves andothers. We lose connection with Godas his image bearers.” • Matt said viewing pornography also tricks the brain into thinking that what a person wants out of pornis purely sexual. • “Whenin reality, we are now going to porn for a form of (false) intimacy and hoping to get the fruits of itin fullness — peace,comfort, safety,worth, validation, affirmation,etc.,” hesaid. “But neither porn nor sex can provide these things. They are only found in authentic, vulnerable, and emotionalrelationships with God and others.” • UnderstandingWhyPornis DifficulttoDiscuss • Sex and porn aretaboo topics, anddiscussing them may bedifficult for youand your partner. Your partner may feel caught off guard or embarrassed by their actions. They might even go as far as denying it ever happened. Regardless, it’s vitalto understand why viewing porn is difficult todiscuss. • Reasonsviewingpornis difficult todiscussinclude: • Actsthepersonthoughtweresecretareexposed • Fearofbeingjudgedorabandoned • Acknowledgingsinfulbehaviorischallenging • Vulnerabilityrequirestrust • PreparingtoTalkto YourPartner • Creating a safe space and using strategies like open discussions and active listening can help everyone involved in the conversation feel more at ease. Seek resources online that may help you prepare for the discussion or give you facts to support your case. Think about how it makes youfeel and how you can express that thoroughly. • Waysto prepareto talkto yourpartner aboutwatching porninclude: • Do Research. Understand how common porn viewership is, yet how bad it is for people. Also,understand precisely why porngoes against your beliefs. • Reflecton Your Feelings.Be clear about how your partner’s porn viewership makes youfeel and what you wantto express to them about thosefeelings. • Know Your Expectations. How do you expect your partner to respond to the conversation?What areyour expectations ofthe conversation? • Identify Outcomes. What do you want as a result of the conversation? Do you want your husband to apologize? Do you want him to never watch porn again? How do you wantthe two of you to be able toresolve this issue?

3. Once you know what you expect from the conversation and feel prepared about what you need tocommunicate, it’s time to talk to yourpartner about watching porn. • Tips forcommunicatingaboutporn: • Find the Right Time and Place. This conversation is important to your relationship. Don’t have it on the way to work or via telephone. Set aside time when you can talk face-to-facefor as long as necessary. • Have a Calm Conversation. Yelling and accusations are unlikely to result in any positive outcome. Being prepared with what you want to say will help you remain calm, evenif your partner initially denieswatching porn. • Ask Open-Ended Questions. A conversation means both parties are involved. It’s not just one of you hurling accusations. Ask your partner questions and listen to the answers. • UnderstandthatAgreementMay TakeTime.It’s possible thatyour partnerdoesn’t think what they did was wrong. It’s vital for them to understand how their action impacts you.Continue the conversation until youagree on next steps. • The most important thing is tobe honest with your partner.Truthis the foundation of intimacy andvital to your continued relationship.So, if you’re the partnerwho viewed porn, admit it. • “If porn use has occurred, first tell your spouse and do your best to sit with them in their hurt and anger,”Mattsaid.“Thentakeaccountabilityanddonotblametheminanywayforyour choices.” • Repentanceis keyafter viewingpornography, Mattsaid. • “Repentance is the Biblical idea of not just expressing remorse but a turning away from something toward something else,” he said. “It isn't enough to say sorry and to try to stop doing the thing. Addiction research bears this out as well. Purely trying to stop something is never enough.” • WhatKindofHelpisAvailable forChristians? • If you think your partner has a pornography addiction, it’s probably best for them to seek help. A porn addiction won’t go away on its own and is probably indicative of a larger mental health issue.And they likely can’t stop on their own.Matt said: • “Many people battling with habitual or compulsive porn use spend their energy on stopping themselves from using. With well-intentioned vigor and intensity, they create accountability systems, download blocking and monitoring software, and eliminate opportunities to act out. Noneof this is bad. It is just rarely successfulon its own.”

4. BoulderRecoveryCanHelp Boulder Recovery is dedicated to helping men recover from sex and pornography addictions throughour 14-Day Christian Men’s Intensive.Theprogram jumpstarts recovery in a faith-based environment. We also provide a Partner Support Programto help wives dealing with their husband’s addiction. We help themnavigate their trauma, feelings ofbetrayal, anger,fear, and shame. Contact Boulder Recoverytogether and start the healing journey for you and your relationship. Source: https://beginagaininstitute.com/christian/how-to-talk-to-your-partner-about-watching-porn/