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Practical strategies for supporting children with attachment difficulties. BRGS 24 February 2010 Presenter: Francis Taylor. Resources. Bomber, L. M. (2007 ) Inside I’m Hurting (Practical Strategies for Supporting Children with Attachment Difficulties in School ). London: Worth Publishing.
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24 February 2010
Presenter: Francis Taylor
Attachment is the process by which new born children develop a close bond with their carers and in doing so learn how to adequately regulate their own feelings, relationships and behaviour.
If children do not form a secure attachment they can still learn these skills from significant adults later on in life.
The five building blocks of any adult-child relationship are:
(1) Undeveloped sense of self leading to:
(2) Problems in relationships caused by:
(3) Difficulties in school caused by:
A child who is securely attached to her carers believes that,
“Adults are reliable and helpful. I know that I can trust them..I find it easy to trust you and others. I am ok if you are with me and busy doing things. You find me relatively easy to relate to.” ( Bomber p.27)
(2) Avoidant Attachment Style
“ Adults are rejecting and intrusive. When I meet you I will avoid and ignore you and look after myself. I won’t be asking you for help no matter what I face. Love? Care? Why would I trust you? You have no idea what I need.” (Bomber p.30)
(3) Ambivalent Attachment Style:
“Adults are unpredictable. I have to draw attention to myself to get you to notice me and to make sure I get my needs met. I can’t rely on you working out what I need. Sometimes you will feel like I’m in your face, but I can’t bear to be ignored, that’s terrifying.” (Bomber p.30)
(4) Disorganised Attachment Style.
“Adults are either frightening by being abusive or frightened because they seem so scared and helpless. I don’t know whether to approach you or runaway from you. I feel confused. I’m bad. What is going on? Why should I trust you? Who knows what will happen next?” (Bomber p.35)
The aims of your relating style are to develop
Take notice of how each child responds to:
Attending to the child. Continued..
Tentativelywonder out loud about what you think might be going on inside the child.
Do this ABSOLUTELY NON JUDGEMENTALLY!!
Be careful whether the child feels intruded on – do you need to distance the comment?
Always accept the child’s view of your comment and sometimes share your different view.
Adjusting our Relationship Style – helping children find the balance between AUTONOMY and DEPENDENCY (p.89)
Providing Emotional Containment (p.93)
We need to help children with feelings that overwhelm them and contaminate their learning experiences.
We do this by showing them we are not fazed by their emotions, we can tolerate them and we can think on their behalf.
The children will learn from our example.
Keeping Them in Mind (p.95)
So that children know we have them in mind we can personalise a lot of contact through: