Bronx Masquerade Character Essay

1. Bronx Masquerade Character Essay Corrections for Mrs. Michel

2. Some General Comments: • A good title shows your reader the direction of your essay. • Write about literature in the present tense (even if the story happened a long time ago.) • You do not (and should not) write about yourself or your essay within your essay.

3. Don’t talk about yourself • My character is Devon. I chose him because he is the character I relate to the most in the story. • I think Gloria is being a good friend by sharing her feelings with Lupe. Gloria doesn’t want Lupe to end up in the same situation.

4. Don’t Talk about your essay • In my essay I am going to talk about how Raynard is really a smart character even though the people in his class think that he is not.. • Tanisha is a bold and confident character as proven by the quotations in this paragraph.

5. Subject / Verb Agreement • Devon Hope, to many he is the next Kobe, but throughout the book he show that he more than that. • Correction: Devon Hope, to many he is just the next Kobe, but he shows that he is more than that.

6. Sentence Fragment • “He didn’t always treat me that way” (102). Especially anyone close to him. • Correction: Amy’s parents got divorced, her mom left, and her dad stopped loving the people closest to him. It hurt Amy because “He didn’t always treat [her] that way” (102).

7. Ambiguous Pronoun Reference • “Jump Shot. What kind of name is that? Not mine, but try telling that to the brothers at school. That’s all they ever call me” (Grimes 29). This means he’s saying he’s not just about basketball; he likes to do other stuff, too. • Correction: Devon Hope is saying that he’s not just about basketball; he likes to do other stuff, too.

8. Comma Splice • Raynard’s a dynamic character in Bronx Masquerade, he made people look at people with disorders differently. And he just changed the class in an overall major way. • Correction: Raynard is a dynamic character in Bronx Masquerade. He made people look at people with disorders differently, and doing so changed the class in a major way.

9. Quotation Error • “School ain’tnothin but a joke.” • Correction: “School ain’tnothin but a joke” (Grimes 7). • “Shoot. If I had moves like Devon, I’d be crosscourt with Scotty Pippin! That’s probaly what the brotha’sgonna end up doing, anyway cause he ain’thaft the word man I am.” (33) • Correction: “Shoot. If I had moves like Devon, I’d be crusin crosscourt with Scotty Pippin! That’s probably what the brotha’sgonna end up doing, anyway cause he ain’thalf the word man I am” (33).

10. Want a Better grade???

11. Corrections – Due Friday Major Errors (Mandatory) New Final Draft (Optional) On separate, lined paper: copy the original sentence that contains the major error (sentences marked with “X” in the left margin) name the error the sentence contains write a corrected version of the sentence. Hand in a new final draft of your essay, changing as much or as little as you see fit. Make sure that all of your changes (even major errors) are highlighted in your new final draft. You will hand in your first final draft with the new final draft by class on Friday.

12. Writing Portfolio #5: Your Neighborhood Where do you live/stay? Describe your neighborhood. What is it near? What does it look like? What are the streets like? What are the homes like? Is there open space or are homes close together? How much green space is there? How many people live/stay there? What are the people like there? Describe your neighbors. What do people in your neighborhood do outside? What sounds or smells are in your neighborhood? What is it like to live/stay where you do? How long have you been there? Do you like being there? Why or why not? Do you want to live/stay somewhere like that when you grow up or do you want to live/stay somewhere else? Why? Be descriptive! Full page: 100% Half page: 80%