The Rut of Sexual Routines for Minds Unlike Mine – thatsassything

2. The Rut of Sexual Routines for Minds Unlike Mine – thatsassything

3. Just like you and me, or the person next door to us, or someone in a stall nearby or someone far in a cabin praying, or someone in a bed alone for many lives, or someone in a house they share with a generation of familial ties, sex and all of its forms of play is an integral part in all of our lives. Sex and sexual warfare have been the binding force for humankind for as long as we trace it back, to our bodies sex is an essential cleanser, just as a shower sometimes. As my favorite contemporary philosopher Alain De Botton writes, “We were bothered by sex because it is a fundamentally disruptive, overwhelming and demented force, strongly at odds with the majority of our ambitions and all but incapable of being discreetly integrated within civilized society.” Before we speak of sex of the neurodivergent, the rooting question is, what really is sex and why is it so tangled with disgust and bodies of beauty and passion and everything else we consider sinful? And, why do we try to make it any different when it comes to those on the spectrum of neurodivergence? Why do we forget the body is a human machine, it does what it does, and the mind follows suit? Why do we spend more time talking about the rules of it when we speak of the intimate lives of neurodivergent young people rather than just letting them find their way through what the world has to offer?

4. Those with neurodivergent minds have slightly more wired/ passionate/ minds; minds that collapse at certain loud synapses than an average person we interact with. Thus, routines for them help them balance extremes, right from the get-go we help plan their schedules and lives in a way to keep aberrations at bay, we build them into waking up, wear slippers, brush teeth, shower, breathing exercises, yoga, 2 idlis for breakfast with a spoon of green chutney, all by the clock, by the hour, by the time. Sometimes a lot more rigidly than us. This while helping them adjust to society better, can be a deterrent to their inner creative force, to their innate passion and sense of being, to their inner being that tickles a sense of vulnerability that sits within our bellies, under our ties. With all this constant talk of sex, it can soon become robotic for those with neurodivergence because very early on we shape their lives into strict routines and rights, rendering them at the disposal of clocks on the wall rather than their body ticks and counts, what they ask for and how do we then develop intelligence to pave their way towards knowing what it asks.

5. It’s very difficult to live without routines for those on the spectrum of neurodivergence, it can be a recipe for disaster, for their loved ones and their professional and personal lives, but how do we keep finding repairable tears in their routines to make space for mystery, for surprise, for something to speak to their inner being, their inner child that yearns and wants and craves and fights, a little moment of craving to their inner youth that the clock of structure doesn’t open enough wide. In my work with children and teenagers on the spectrum, I often see how sex education has been made a very explicit topic of instruction, something we fix into their routine, from 10:45 to 11:15 am, as a topic of physical education, thus, I often create ways to take away all explicitness from it and make it so implicit, so sublime, so gentle and free-flowing that without teaching sex, they grow an innate inner desire, an inner craving bubbled solely on curiosity, on vulnerability, on exposure, on a sense of sensuality that the world around us offers us, its only we who need to find it, but we lose that beauty of the delicate by making it crude, too depictive, too pronounced, a little more spoken and discussed than words or art should and then sex becomes sterile rather than sexy. Sex is a game of tactful animal warfare that our body craves more and sometimes our mind.

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