RESILIENCY

1. RESILIENCY Mr. Kevin King, Principal Mrs. Tammy Cook, School Counselor Dr. Kasey Black, School Psychologist

2. Understanding Resiliency:It Relates to Your Child’s Emotions, Anxiety, Friendships, Confidence, & CommunityDiscover Easy Ways to Help Your Child Cope with Everyday Challenges & Move Forward Positively

3. Overview 1. Definition & Data 2. Happenings at NES to Improve Resiliency 3. Resiliency Skills & Parent Tips 4. Resilient Child or Not

4. Resiliency Skills Resiliency refers to a set of skills and characteristics that allows individuals to adjust and cope effectively with life’s challenges. Resiliency Skills • Being Proactive (Looking ahead, setting goals, planning, problem-solving, thinking optimistically, & positive sense of self) • Self-Regulation (Controlling emotions & actions) • Connections and Attachments (Making friends) • Achievements and Talents (Acknowledgement & praise) • Community (Getting involved & support) • Proactive Parenting (Modeling & guidance)

5. More about Resilience • Resilience is not all or nothing • You can be a little resilient. • You can be a lot resilient. • You can be resilient in some situations but not in others (Reivich, 2010). • Resiliency can be promoted, nurtured, and taught!

6. What does the research say? • Meta-analysis of 270,034 students K-12 • Those students found to possess resilience demonstrated significantly improved: • Social & emotional skills • Attitudes • Behavior …AND… (Durlak, Weissberg, Dymnicki, Taylor, & Schellinger, 2011)

7. Resilient children demonstrated significantly improved ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT! 11-percentile-point gain in achievement! (Durlak, Weissberg, Dymnicki, Taylor, & Schellinger, 2011)

8. Additional results • Resilient children are: • Less likely to become depressed • Less likely to become helpless • More likely to persist in problem solving • Willing to take risks • More likely to reach appropriate milestones (Durlak, Weissberg, Dymnicki, Taylor, & Schellinger, 2011)

9. Is it a myth or truth? 1. Resilient children do not show their emotions. 2. Resilient children tolerate ambiguity (e.g., are okay with ‘I don’t know’). 3. Resilient children are all about the individual (e.g., can handle anything). 4. Resilient children know their individual strengths. 5. Resilient children accomplish superhuman feats.

10. Risk Factors • What is a risk factor? • Individual & environmental factors that place one at a greater risk for negative life outcomes.

11. Risk Factors INTERNAL • Anxiety • Low self-esteem • Academic failure • Ineffective coping strategies • Emotional dysregulation • Poor social skills ENVIRONMENTAL • Harsh, inconsistent discipline within the family • Unclear boundaries • Exposure to violence, drugs, etc. • Poor peer associations • Poverty • Family stress/instability

12. Protective Factors • What is a protective factor? • Individual & environmental factors that mitigate or reduce the likelihood of negative life outcomes.

13. Protective Factors INTERNAL • Optimism • Emotional awareness • Flexible thinking • Self-efficacy • Empathy ENVIRONMENTAL • Meaningful connection to an adult • Realistically high expectations • Clear boundaries

14. Our Goal • Build effective environments in which POSITIVE BEHAVIOR is more effective than PROBLEM BEHAVIOR • Identify risk & protective factors, and build from there

15. So what are we doing about resiliency at newtown Elementary?

16. Being Proactive (Looking ahead, setting goals, planning, problem-solving, thinking optimistically, and positive sense of self) • Code of Conduct • Grade level assemblies • Student feedback groups • Bully Box • RAs • BTSN • 4 Themes • NOVA • SPBSS Common Language • Safe (Soft) Landing

17. Self-Regulation (controlling emotions & actions) • 1-5 scale • Circles • Guidance Lessons • RAs • Social Stories • Restorative Practices • 4 Themes • Life Skills/Second Step

18. Connections & Attachments (making friends) • Guidance groups • Buddy classes • After-school sports • Service projects • Charitable works • Circles • PTO events • Assemblies • Grade-level projects • Spirit Days • Walking Club • School Musical • Math Nights • Science Fair • Reading Olympics • Culture Fair

19. Achievements & Talents(acknowledgement & praise) • Knights Honors • Morning announcements • Positive phone calls • Free Seating Friday • School Musical

20. Community(getting involved & support) • Service Projects • Charitable works • Fire Prevention Week • DARE • Veggieville • FLEX • Young Rembrandts • NOVA • Reading Olympics

21. Proactive Parenting(modeling & guidance) • Parent Workshops • CR Ed Week • IST

22. Are You Raising Resilient Children? • Your child gets out of school at 3:15. She is worried that you will be late. She wants you to get there early and park where she can see you. What do you do? • Your child had several conflicts with a student in a previous year. When classlists are being made, you are concerned about your child being with that student again. What do you do? • Your child wants to go away to sleep-away camp. He doesn’t have a lot of experience staying overnight. What do you do? • Your child has to present a project for science class as part of her participation grade. She is very shy and uncomfortable speaking in front of others. What do you do? • Your child keeps forgetting his homework at school. You want to know what is going on. What do you do?

23. Are You Raising Resilient Children? 6. Your child is worried that her friend may be mad at her at school today. She tells you about her worries. What do you do? 7. You hear that there has been another school shooting. Sadly, you have to tell your child about what has happened. What do you do? 8. Your child has been assigned a project at school. He has completed the assignment, but you think it could have been done better. What do you do? 9. Your child comes home from the game very upset because he missed the winning shot. While angry, he slams the doors and lashes out at family members with an angry tone. What do you do? 10. You had a bad day at work. You don’t have a lot of patience left when you get home. Your children begin asking you questions about homework and complaining about what is being made for dinner. You quickly snap at them. Later, you start to feel badly about the way you responded to them. What do you do?

24. Parent Tips 1. Don’t accommodate every need. Try not to be too overprotective. It inhibits problem solving and mastery and can create anxiety. 2. Avoid eliminating all risk. The key is to allow age-appropriate freedom and risks and teach your kids essential skills to help them learn their limits. 3. Teach them to problem solve. Normalize your child’s nervousness, and help them figure out how to navigate problems by brainstorming strategies. 4. Teach your kids concrete skills. Focus on the specific skills they’ll need to learn in order to handle specific situations. 5. Avoid “why” questions. “Why” questions aren’t helpful in promoting problem solving. Ask “how” questions instead.

25. More Parent Tips 6. Don’t provide all the answers. Rather than providing your kids with every answer, start using the phrase “I don’t know, how do we figure this out?” Using this phrase helps kids learn to tolerate uncertainty and think about ways to deal with potential challenges. 7. Avoid talking in catastrophic terms. Pay attention to what you say to your kids and around them. Anxious parents, in particular, tend to use all or nothing and catastrophic conversation. 8. Let your kids make mistakes. Letting kids mess up is tough and painful for parents, but it helps kids learn how to fix slip-ups and make better decisions next time. 9. Help them manage their emotions. Emotional management is key in resilience. Teach your kids that all emotions are OK. Also, teach them that after feeling their feelings, they need to think through what they’re doing next and how they are going to act on their emotions. 10. Model resiliency. Kids also learn from observing their parents’ behavior. Try to be calm and consistent. When you do make a mistake, admit it. “I really messed up. I’m sorry I handled that poorly.” Let’s talk about a different way to handle that in the future.

26. Even More Parent Tips • Make connectionsTeach your child how to make friends, including the skill of empathy, or feeling another's pain. • Help your child by having him or her help othersEngage your child in age-appropriate volunteer work, or ask for assistance yourself with some task that he or she can master. • Maintain a daily routineSticking to a routine can be comforting to children. Encourage your child to develop his or her own routines. • Take a breakWhile it is important to stick to routines, endlessly worrying can be counter-productive. Teach your child how to focus on something besides what's worrying him. • Teach your child self-careMake yourself a good example, and teach your child the importance of making time to eat properly, exercise, and rest. Make sure your child has time to have fun, and make sure that your child hasn't scheduled every moment of his or her life with no "down time" to relax.

27. And even more parent tips! 6. Move toward your goalsTeach your child to set reasonable goals and then to move toward them one step at a time. 7. Nurture a positive self-viewHelp your child remember ways that he or she has successfully handled hardships in the past. Help your child learn to trust himself to solve problems and make appropriate decisions. Teach your child to see the humor in life, and the ability to laugh at one’s self. 8. Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlookEven when your child is facing very painful events, help him look at the situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Help him or her see that there is a future beyond the current situation and that the future can be good. 9. Look for opportunities for self-discoveryHelp your child take a look at how whatever he is facing can teach him about his qualities. 10. Accept that change is part of livingChange often can be scary for children and teens. Help your child see that change is part of life and new goals can replace goals that have become unattainable.

28. Still More Parent Tips! • Model positive self-talk • Let your child know when he is invading someone’s personal space • Help your child be aware of being a good leader (being proactive, communicating effectively, maintaining self-control, being a good role-model, being a team-player, and giving compliments) • Acknowledge positive communication skills • Teach steps in maintaining good conversation (eye contact, body language, smile, normal volume, listen, stay on topic, ask questions, respect personal space, and stay positive) • Teach good sportsmanship skills for winning and losing • Teach optimistic thinking (problems are temporary and specific and taking responsibility for behavior and not blaming others) • Teach problem solving skills (define the problem, stay calm, brainstorm, agree on a solution, and evaluate solution) • Model stress management • Help your child understand assertiveness • Model empathy

29. Resilient vs. Non-Resilient Child Resilient Child • Capable of coping with change • Adapts to challenges • Recovers more easily after misfortune • Resourceful • Happy • Successful • Well-liked • Increased confidence • Goal-oriented • Demonstrates self-control • Positive attitude Non-Resilient Child • Rigid, inflexible, or passive reaction to change • Academic difficulties • Feels powerless • Less likely to set, reach, and attain goals • Loss of confidence • Difficulty connecting to peers • Higher risk of developing anxiety or depression • Lower self-esteem • Physical health problems

30. How Resilient is Your Child? • Demonstrates problem-solving ability and generates alternatives to challenges? • Accepts responsibility and is able to apologize? • Demonstrates flexibility in thinking? • Demonstrates optimistic thinking? • Feels good about self? • Asserts self, speaks up for self, holds body posture in assertive stance? • Adapts well to change and/or transition? • Is able to stay in own personal space? • Speaks with appropriate voice volume? • Calms self when upset? • Listens to others without interruption? • Stays on topic in conversation? • Controls irritability/temper with peers and is able to express negative feelings appropriately? • Things before acts? • Shares and takes turns? • Joins other children appropriately? • Understands how others are feeling? • Uses eye contact when speaking to others? • Demonstrates reciprocity in relationships? • Is aware of how others perceive them? • Reads nonverbal cues accurately? • Listens to and accepts others’ ideas? • Shows a connection with peers? • Offers positive comments or compliments to peers? • Treats peers with respect? • Compromises appropriately? • Starts a conversation with a peer? • Is sensitive to others’ feelings? • Is sought by others to play? • Is a good loser/winner? • Involved in after-school activities? • Initiates getting together with peers? • Asks for help when needed?

31. Go ‘Round: One thing you learned or thought about during this workshop. Thank You!