Alexander Proud thinks all men are essentially adult children

1. Alexander Proud thinks all men are essentially adult children. “I realised” says Alex Proud “at some point in my 30s or maybe early 40s, (or perhaps it was yesterday) that as a man, there wasn’t really ever going to be a day when I woke up and think “ahhh, nowI am an adult”. Men are, at heart, all 14-year- old boys. We may own more stuff, have more life experience, have adult sized responsibilities, or adult shaped assets (or adult sized debts, or pathetically adult shaped mid life crises) but we are in fact all children even if we are dressed up in suits.” This realisation wasn’t a sad moment for Alex Proud. He acknowledges that it may in fact be the key to happiness as it made him recognise that the little things that really make him happy now, are more or less the same things that made him happy when he was a young teenager.

2. Alex Proud admits that there is a reverse thought process to this realisation. “As I’ve aged” says Alex Proud, “I can also see that a lot of the quick fix hedonistic pleasure that you seek in your mid 20s, and the thing that you think will make you happy, (like staying out until dawn, toasting the sunrise with one vodka too many, on consecutive weeknights) no longer do, if indeed they ever did.” Your body really does ‘hold the score’. Even if you could still party like a 20 year old, says Alex Proud, waking up with a steaming hangover and having to look after three children rather outweighs any benefit of an ill thought through riotous or drunken soiree. “Health really does mean wealth as you age.” says Alex Proud. So aside from healthier living, and undisturbed hangovers, what does still bring happiness to Alex Proud? Alex Proud’s Social Media Strategy Alex Proud says that amassing a large Twitter following, is akin to “stamp collecting for the digital age”. A jump in likes on Facebook or a surge of followers on twitter equals instant validation; “the fastest boost to a middle aged, moderately famous man’s ego, second only to someone asking me if I’ve lost weight.” says Alex Proud “Those little blue ticks that show you have a “verified” account are the modern equivalent of sewing a special merit badge on your boy scout jumper. Twitter has the power to make me gloriously happy.” An unexpected upgrade Could there be a finer sentence than “Sorry Sir as economy is full, we’ve had to find you a seat in business class?” Alex Proud admits that any sort of upgrade, particularly on transport is the sure fire way to make his day. “Upgrade my train seat, or my hire car, give me a bike with 10 extra gears, find me a bigger horse, or a luxury option horse and cart, whatever the mode of transport, elevate me from standard to VIP and I will love you forever.” Alex Proud says he would probably even love you if you downgraded him and then upgraded him to where I started, just for the kick of it. It’s like getting school privileges as you move up a year but better, and with extra legroom. Airport lounges If you know you know. Alex Proud says “There is no greater sense of smug satisfaction than disappearing through a discreet door into the calm and air

3. conditioned anonymity of an airport lounge”. It’s like air travel must have been in the 1950s; people in suits, waiters with serviettes, and who doesn’t love buffets with four kinds of fruit juice and little packets of biscuits. “The child in me wants to eat everything just because I can, and there’s just something about the word ‘VIP lounge’ that makes me feel like I’m a moviestar” says Alex Proud. Sunglasses are not obligatory. Tech upgrades for Alex Proud As the upgrade cycles on devices get shorter the world moans about built in redundancy but not Alex Proud. “I love new gadgets, new TVs, new camera technology, new hardware of any kind. Upgrade me every 6 months if you need to.” says Alex Proud “I revel in the incremental improvements that I probably won’t ever use but I know they’re there and I’ve paid extra for them”. “It’s the same kick you got from buying the bigger toy or the latest gadget as a child. The toys just get more expensive.” Juicing “I never thought I’d say this”, says Alex Proud, “but I love the way that blitzing vegetables at satisfyingly loud decibel levels in my wife’s nutribullet and creating a surprisingly palatable green juice combines smug virtuousness with enough chemistry to appeal to my inner science geek. Kale is the new crack and you nail your 5 a day in about a minute and a half. Shopping for a new (or second hand) car This feeds into the spectacularly stereotypical male mid life crisis: a pointless fetishization of gadgets but Alex Proud admits that when buying a new car he obsesses about the gadgets and detailing that make him feel special. “Can something random be heated, adjusted, tailored or bespoke built? I’m in” says Alex Proud. “Additional sensors, ear-splittingly powerful sound system, extra buttons and data on the dashboard that you will never use or even notice. I think it’s basically the closest I’ll ever get to feeling like James Bond and that really satisfies my inner child”. Says Alex Proud.