Insights on Remarriage: Facts & Advice

1. Research-Based Answers to Frequently Asked Questions About: Remarriage

2. Q1. How many marriages are remarriages? What percent of individuals remarry? • Nearly 50% of marriages are a remarriage for at least one partner. • About 75% of divorced women remarry within ten years. A little more than half remarry within five years. • Only about 25% of widowed men and 5% of widowed women remarry.

3. Q2. What are some of the most important factors that increase the chances of remarrying? • Men and Whites are a little more likely to remarry than women, and Blacks and Hispanics. • Being younger increases the likelihood of remarrying. • Caring for children from a previous marriage reduces the chances of remarrying, especially for women. • People with more income or education are more likely to remarry.

4. Q3. Are remarriages more or less likely to end in divorce than first marriages? • Estimated 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce • Probably 60%+ of second marriages • Black and Hispanic remarried couples are a little more likely to divorce

5. Q4. What can I do to prepare for a healthy remarriage? • Recognize the need to prepare • Acknowledge the challenges associated with creating a stepfamily • Protect couple relationship (boundaries) • Spend time alone with spouse • Develop friendship with spouse • Learn conflict management or problem solving skills

6. Q4. What can I do to prepare for a healthy remarriage? • Resolve issues with ex-spouse • Separate emotionally, as well as physically, from ex-spouse • Utilize programs such as Learning to Step Together; New Beginnings: A Remarriage Preparation Workbook; Smart Steps; and Stepping Stones.

7. Q5. Is remarriage based on more practical considerations than love? • Love is crucial to remarriage, but individuals also report practical considerations such as: financial security, help in raising children, relief from social pressure, help with legal threats regarding children’s custody, relief from loneliness, the desire for a regular sexual partner, and someone to take care of them

8. Q6. How does the quality of remarriages compare to the quality of first marriages? • Although remarriages tend to be lower in quality than first marriages, the differences generally are small (and not statistically significant). • It is more helpful to consider such questions as: What do happily remarried couples do that is different from what unhappily married couples do? How do remarried couples build strong relationships?

9. Q7. How does remarriage affect children? • Children of divorce are at 2–3 times greater risk for emotional and behavioral problems, academic problems, delinquency, sexual activity, and other challenges as a result of divorce. • Most children of divorce do not experience these problems, but children who experience the divorce of their parents’ marriage may have difficulties prior to their parents’ remarriages.

10. Q7. How does remarriage affect children? • Compared to children in intact families, children in stepfamilies tend to have more struggles with behavior problems, emotional well-being, and academic achievement. • However, overall, these differences are small, and may disappear when factors such as family income and length of time since the remarriage are considered.

11. Q7. How does remarriage affect children? • The increased financial resources resulting from remarriage help children overcome some struggles. • Parental monitoring, support, and attention can also help children adjust. • Changes accompanying remarriage, such as moving to a new home and attending a new school, tend to make it harder for children to adjust to remarriage.

12. Q7. How does remarriage affect children? • Boys tend to have a harder time adjusting to their parents’ divorce than girls do (especially older boys), but girls seem to struggle with their mothers’ remarriages more than boys. Boys’ behavior may actually improve after their mothers remarry. • Teens tend to have a harder time adjusting to their parents’ remarriages.

13. Q7. How does remarriage affect children? • After divorce, children have less affection for their parents and are more likely to disagree with their parents. Also, these children are less likely to live with their fathers or spend as much time with them as they do with their mothers. • Children continue to have lower quality relationships with their parents after their remarriages, perhaps because mothers invest more time in their new marriage relationship and fathers report seeing their children as a source of stress when they have new family responsibilities.

14. Q8. How are remarriages and stepfamilies different from first marriages and intact families? • Children often are members of two households • Children’s non-custodial parent is unavailable either physically or emotionally • Stepfamily members have different family histories • Parent-child bonds are older than adult-partner (spousal) bonds • Stepfamilies begin after many losses and changes • Legal relationships between stepparent and stepchild are ambiguous or nonexistent

15. Q9. Does remarrying help adults find more happiness? • A satisfying romantic relationship is the most important influence on a divorced adult’s well-being. • The evidence on finding more happiness is somewhat mixed. One study found that remarried individuals reported levels of life satisfaction similar to those of individuals in first marriages (which were both significantly higher than the levels of life satisfaction reported by divorced individuals) and a better ability to deal with stressful circumstances than those who remained single.

16. Q9. Does remarrying help adults find more happiness? • However, another study found that adults who were unhappy in their marriage, divorced, and then remarried within five years were not any happier than those adults who said they were unhappy in their marriage but stuck it out for a period of five years. Most unhappily married individuals who stuck it out reported five years later that they were happy again. • Some remarried individuals establish much better, happier, and more stable marriages, but most individuals who remarry do not have relationships that are any better than their first marriages.