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Not Just Changing Behavior Changing Identity. Changing the Way We Define Ourselves – and Others Define Us. Marshall Goldsmith Marshall@MarshallGoldsmith.com www.MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com. Goals for Today. Understand where our identity comes from.

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not just changing behavior changing identity

Not Just Changing BehaviorChanging Identity

Changing the Way We Define Ourselves – and Others Define Us

Marshall Goldsmith

Marshall@MarshallGoldsmith.com

www.MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com

goals for today
Goals for Today
  • Understand where our identity comes from.
  • Know how our identity impacts our behavior.
  • Learn how we can change the way we define ourselves.
  • Learn how we can change the way others define us.
the sources of our identity
The sources of our identity
  • Past – future
  • Self – others
  • Remembered
  • Reflected
  • Programmed
  • Created
remembered identity
Remembered identity
  • Self – past
  • How our memories lead to stereotyping – positive and negative
  • How an overall positive stereotype can lead to the glamorization of past dysfunctional behavior
  • How coaching can produce negative memories
reflected identity
Reflected identity
  • Others - past
  • How feedback from others – direct and straightforward – or indirect and subtle – influences our identity
  • One problem with traditional feedback – negative identity formation
  • Why feedback about the performance shouldn’t be ‘taken personally’ is a ridiculous statement for professionals
  • ‘Impressing others’
programmed identity
Programmed identity
  • Others - future
  • It starts at birth
  • How self-fulfilling statements create identity
  • ‘No mechanical skills’
  • How negative feedback can lead to negative programming
your parents programming
Your parents programming
  • You are 8 years old
  • Your parents are talking about you
  • They don’t know it – but you can hear them
  • They are telling the truth
  • What words would describe that ‘little you’?
  • What words describe the ‘big you’ that is listening today?
  • How have these words impacted the person you are today?
created identity
Created identity
  • Self - future
  • My dinner with Bono
  • How we can become the person that we choose to be
  • Limits on identity creation
  • Who is the ‘you’ that you would like to become?
  • How does that differ from the ‘you’ that is listening today?
  • How can you change negative aspects of your identity?
  • ‘The world’s expert in…”
feed forward vs feedback in changing identity
Feedforward vs. feedbackin changing identity
  • How coaching based upon feedback can reinforce negative identity formation
  • The danger with ‘personality testing’
  • The danger with ‘building on your strengths’
  • How feedforward can help create a positive change in identity
    • Remembered
    • Reflected
    • Programmed
    • Created
changing perceived identity
Changing perceived identity
  • Changing behavior vs. changing perception
  • Why perception change is so difficult
  • Why follow-up is so critical in changing perception
  • In leadership what matters is ‘what they hear’ not ‘what you say’
how self stereotyping influences behavior
How self-stereotyping influences behavior
  • ‘That’s just the way I am!’
  • An excessive ‘need to be me’
  • Why can’t you…?
changing identity and remaining authentic
Changing identity and remaining authentic
  • The ‘real me’
  • The difference between being a professional - and being a phony
    • When coaching won’t help
    • Examples of great professionals who are always ‘on’
    • Acting like you care – when you are bored to death
    • Does this mean I have to watch what I say and how I look in every meeting?