Where Are You, Man Rediscovering Your Identity, Purpose, and Presence

1. Where Are You, Man? Rediscovering Your Identity, Purpose, and Presence Introduction: “The Question Every Man Is Asked.” Every man everywhere (in Nairobi, in New York, in Lagos or London), ultimately has the same haunting question to answer: “Where are you?” It has nothing to do with your GPS location. It’s about your state of being — how you are aligned with your soul, purpose and the people who need you.

2. The question originated inGenesis 3:9, when God called out to Adam after he had hidden himself in shame. “And the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, ‘Where are you?’ ” —Genesis 3:9 That call still echoes today. In a world that pushes and pulls men in every conceivable direction, most have lost contact with who they are. • They show up in the workplace, but not in their homes. • They’re celebrated publicly and feel lonely privately. • They’re strong for everyone else but have no one to be weak with. • Guilt has nothing to do with it — this is about rediscovery. 1. BRING BACK THE REAL YOU: Rediscover Who You Are! From a young age, men are conditioned to derive a sense of identity based on performance — grades, money, position or physical strength. But a real identity is not about what you do — it’s the person you are before you even attempt to do anything. Matthew 3:17— “And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.’ Before Jesus ever healed or did any miracle, God spoke Himself into His identity. And the same goes for you — your value is not achieved; it’s bestowed.

3. Case Study: The Banker Lost in the UK Tom, a 41-year-old London banker, had everything society holds dear — six-figure salary, house in Surrey and Tesla on the drive. But one evening, after another long workday, he turned to his wife and said: “I don’t even know who I am in the mirror any longer. He knew he had allowed himself to be reduced to his job title, rather than defined by his values or purpose. Therapy and faith enabled him to peel away the “armor” of accomplishment and reacquaint himself with his true self. Case Study: David and the Giant (1 Samuel 17) Then Saul clothed David in his garments, and when he put a bronze helmet on his head and clothed him with armor. And David girded his sword over his armor and tried to walk, for he had not tested them. So David said to Saul “I cannot go with these.” David fought as David, not a facsimile of someone else. That’s real manhood — having the balls to fight your battles with your own God-given tools. Reflection Questions Who have you been trying to be for other people? Which parts of you are performance, not truth? Where are you disconnected from your true self? Journaling Prompt List fiveof the labels that the world has put on you (i.e. provider, leader, boss, dad). Which ones do more to become who you are before God — and which ones suck the life out of your soul? 2. Your Purpose: Lost And Found (you’re the only one who can find it) A lot of men actually become successful then lose meaning. The spark is gone. The routines are empty. You may feel as if you are running fast but not be sure where to. Ephesians 2:10— “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works.” Purpose is not about success; it’s about significance. It is not what you accomplish, but who you become and how you serve others. Case Study: Moses in Midlife At 40, Moses attempted to free his people by violence. He lost and ran off into the desert. At 80, God called him once more — not as a prince now but as a shepherd whose pride had been tempered. Purpose doesn’t usually come fully formed; it unfolds in surrender. Case Study: The American Engineer Who Found Purpose in Being a Mentor

4. Jason, a 50-year-old Texan engineer who had fashioned a comfortable life and admitted to me that: “After all these years, I have success — but no fulfillment.” He began mentoring young fathers in his neighborhood, instructing them on balancing work and family. He later said, “Then I began to live again.” Case Study: A Kenyan Contractor Comes to His Senses Peter, 52, a resident of Nakuru, had a successful career but felt empty inside. He turned his life around when he started leading a men’s Bible study. “I found purpose in serving, as opposed to just surviving,” he said. Reflection Questions What things do you do that make you feel most alive? What creates or necessitates excite something in you? How could your abilities be a blessing to others and not just yourself? Journaling Prompt Recount one moment when you felt completely alive — doing something that mattered. What was happening? What did you feel? What does that say to you about your calling? 3. Rediscovering Your Presence: Are You Really There? You can live in the same household with loved ones and be emotionally miles apart.

5. Being present is more than just physically being there — it’s fully engaging with all senses. Get time to engage and understand your loved ones, their emotions, hurts, likes and challenges in life. There is no connection by remote control. Its got to be real and engaging Ephesians 6:4 —“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Case Study: The German Father and His Daughter A father in Munich, Markus, noticed that his 13-year-old daughter had gone suddenly silent. She said, “You’re always on your laptop, even when you’re at home.” That moment hit him hard. He began doing what he called “No Tech Tuesdays.” Within months, they were cooking dinner together and rebuilding emotional trust. Case Study: The African CEO Who Preferred to Have a Family Than Fame A chief executive in Lagos once addressed a men’s conference: I nearly destroyed my family as I grew my company. Now he heads home from the office, no excuses, at 6 p.m. each day. He says, “Success is nothing if your kids don’t feel love from you.” Case Study: The American Daddy’s Wake-Up Call A boy in Florida, 10, informed his dad, “Dad, I wish you were my Uber driver because at least he talks to me.” This cut deep and the father cracked and restructured his life, exchanging long hours for close relationships. His son later said, “Dad’s home now — and not just in the home.” Reflection Questions • What are you doing that distract you from being present? • Are you present with your loved ones, or merely in charge? • What would your house feel like if you were more emotionally present? Journaling Prompt Name three concrete steps that would help you be more present this week — a daily walk, a tech- free meal, praying with your children. 4. The Journey to Rediscovery Rediscovery is not a one-time choice; it’s an everyday, everywhere commitment. And the steps in these: to go every man ago backed, into himself by through. Step 1: Awareness Admit that you’ve drifted. Stop pretending everything is fine. Healing begins where honesty starts.

6. Step 2: Accountability No man heals alone. Proverbs 27:17; “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Seek out a brotherhood or men’s group that challenges you and affirms you. Step 3: Alignment Realign your habits, money, time and faith with your values. If your calendar doesn’t reflect your convictions, something has to give in. Step 4: Action Show up daily. Consistency, not perfection, brings transformation. Global Example: The Men’s Circle in Toronto In Canada, a group of men began gathering once a month for breakfast. They talked about faith and marriage and mental health. One said, “This group saved my marriage — I just no longer went along with the game. Community brings clarity. Reflection Questions • Which of the four A’s is most difficult for you — awareness, accountability, alignment or action? • Who sharpens you? Who are you sharpening? • What is one different thing that would enable your life to better reflect what you believe? Journaling Prompt Write a note to God starting with: “Father, I’ve been hiding in…” and close with: “Here am I ready to find out again who You made me to be.” 5. The Call to Show Up 1 Corinthians 16:13 — “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” Brother, the question of God — “Where are you?” — is not intended to shame you; it’s an invitation to spring back. To reclaim your place, voice, presence. This is your call to action. • Be present in faith— spend five minutes every morning realigning your heart with God’s Word. • Show up in your purpose— you have a gift that lends itself to serving, teaching, mentoring or leading someone else. Start where you are. • Show up in your family— shut out the distractions and be present with those you love.

7. • Be there in your community— the man who listens, encourages, and takes guys on a journey to wholeness. Tiny, intentional choices lead to lasting legacies of good. Each day you choose to be present, albeit sleepy, messy, imperfect or even tired is not in vain. You are rewriting a story for yourself, your family and generations ahead. Closing Prayer “My father and my God, wake up the man in me. Repair what’s damaged, strengthen what’s weak and assist me in showing up with courage, love and faith. Amen.” Discussion Questions for Small Groups • Where in your life are you out of alignment at the moment? • In your country, what kinds of cultural expectations influence the way men behave? • What does it mean to “show up” at your stage of life — as a young dad, a husband, or a retiree? Journaling Challenge Write a single line that begins with each of the following this week: “Today I will show up by…” Then act on it. Read your journal at the end of the week and see what exhilaration there is in change.