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1. 1 David B. Wexler, Ph.D. Executive Director, Relationship Training Institute 4036 Third Ave. San Diego, CA 92103 619.296.8103 info@RTIprojects.org www.RTIprojects.org

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3. 3 ATTACHMENT STYLES SECURE INSECURE PREOCCUPIED (Anxious-Ambivalent) DISMISSING (Anxious-Avoidant) FEARFUL (Disorganized)

4. 4 Infant seeks proximity and comfort from the mother but then returns to play The “cohesive self” Long stable relationships High self-esteem Less lonely Copes with stress by seeking social support Self-discloses moderate amount

5. 5 Infants avoid/ignore mother upon reunion Negative images of others: Disconnected emotionally Vacillates from distance/cold to critical/controlling Lacks an “emotional soundtrack” Less invested in relationships, more breakups Less grief when breakup happens Withdraws from partner under stress - somatizes Feels bored a lot/Works alone Doesn’t like to self-disclose Shy/non-assertive Cynical about relationships

6. 6 PREOCCUPIED (Anxious-Ambivalent) ATTACHMENT Infants seek contact w/ mother but also manifest anger/resistance; unable to be comforted Negative self-image Highly invested, high breakup rate Tries to please others/Worries about rejection Feels unappreciated/Describes parents as intrusive and unfair Can present as self-controlled except when experiencing separation anxiety (clingy/angry) Emotionally dependent, romantically obsessive, jealous

7. 7 FEARFUL (Disorganized) ATTACHMENT Infants “arching away angrily while simultaneously seeking proximity” = Fears hurt in relationships if too close, anxiety if too distant Elements of both DISMISSING and PREOCCUPIED; No organized strategy for attachment anxiety Expects the worst from relationships, but needs relationships to soothe self/heal damaged self-image Highly invested, high breakup rate Low self-esteem; worries about rejection Feels unappreciated in work with others; describes parents as intrusive and unfair Becomes very emotional under stress

8. 8 DISORGANIZED (FEARFUL) ATTACHMENT II Converts anxiety to anger Uses control to cover dependency High levels of jealousy Verbally/physically abusive Externalizes blame consistently Experiences severe periodic depression

9. 9 THE FOUR-FACTOR ATTACHMENT MODEL (Bartholomew, 2000) SECURE = Positive Self/Positive Other PREOCCUPIED = Negative Self/Positive Other DISMISSING = Positive Self/Negative Other FEARFUL = Negative Self/Negative Other

10. 10 DV Men & Insecure Attachment Issues (Holtzworth-Munroe, 1997) More anxious about abandonment (even more than feeling controlled) More preoccupied with their relationships (past and present) More jealous of other men Less trusting of their partners Need more nurturance from their partners--but also more avoidant of dependency and more discomfort with closeness in relationships!!

11. 11 DV Men & Insecure Attachment Issues NVD (non-violent/maritally distressed) men demonstrate… lower desire for closeness and intimacy more dismissing of romantic relationships some discomfort with closeness and dependency

12. 12 DV Men & Secure Attachment NDNV (happily married men)… Preoccupied with romantic partners Need nurturance Desire closeness and dependency BUT… No discomfort with closeness No evidence of insecure or anxious attachment Comfortable with and desirous of intimacy

13. 13 EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY POSSESSIVENESS MODEL (Bornstein 2006) Emotionally dependent people are particularly fearful of abandonment and rejection and show high levels of jealousy and possessiveness in romantic relationships The dependency-possessiveness model argues that dependent persons' insecurity and abandonment fears may lead them to become abusive when they believe their partner will reject them The essential component: the dependent person's inability to manage insecurity-related emotional upset (distress tolerance issues)

14. 14 PRIMARY ATTACHMENT & ANGER (Sonkin 2003) Alarm activates an attachment survival system When activated, only physical attachment with the attachment figure will terminate it. When the system has been activated for a long time without soothing and termination, angry behavior appears; if soothing and protection is not eventually found, the system can then become suppressed.

15. 15 ATTACHMENT-BASED ANGER Anger is an attempt to recapture the object that can soothe tension and anxiety at a developmental stage where the child cannot yet self-soothe through signaling the mother that she is wanted and/or needed Anger is an emotion born of fear of loss Dysfunctional anger, occurring later in adult affectional bonds, is defined as anger that distances the attachment object instead of bringing (her) closer

16. 16 POWER & CONTROL DENIAL Cycle of Violence (Walker, 1984)

17. 17 THE MISPAIRING OF PARTNERS’ ATTACHMENT STYLES IN DV RELATIONSHIPS (Doumas 2008) IPV may be used as an attempt to manage conflict created by opposing needs for closeness or distance Individual with high attachment anxiety may respond with proximity-seeking behavior Individual with high attachment avoidance may respond with distance-seeking behavior

18. 18 MISPAIRING PREDICTING DV (Doumas 2008) The “mispairing” of males with high attachment avoidance and females with high attachment anxiety was related to IPV Discrepancy between anxious female partner’s need for closeness/reassurance and avoidant male partner’s need for distance and emotional separateness may result in IPV

19. 19 PSYCHOLOGICAL MECHANISMS OF MISPAIRING (Doumas 2008) Avoidant males may respond to anxious females with violence and females may then respond with violence as a self-protective behavior Alternatively, a female with high attachment anxiety may view her partner’s violence as an act of rejection and respond to this activation of her fears of abandonment with violence toward her partner

20. 20 MISPAIRING & DV COUPLES TREATMENT (Doumas 2008) “Mispairing” of a male with high attachment avoidance and a female with high attachment anxiety is a risk factor for intimate partner violence Assessment of these variables may help identify couples who may be engaging in violence or who may be at risk for violence in the future Couples with a “mispairing” of attachment needs may engage in reciprocally violent behavior to reestablish comfortable levels of closeness or distance Addressing discrepant needs for emotional and physical proximity and identifying are important components of treatments

21. 21 VALUE OF APPLYING ATTACHMENT THEORY Enables DV offenders to perceive a broader pattern in their reactions to loss/separation DV offenders need to learn self-regulation during attachment anxiety Helps break patterns in which responses to attachment anxiety is confined to distancing, clinging, demanding, or approach/avoidance

22. 22 FIVE TASKS OF ATTTACHMENT-BASED TREATMENT 1. Create a safe place (“secure base”) 2. Explore current relationships w/ attachment figures 3. Explore relationship with therapist as attachment figure 4. “Connect the dots” between childhood attachment and adult relationships 5. Find new ways of regulating attachment anxiety

23. 23 1. SAFE PLACE/SECURE-BASE PRIMING Secure base changes how a person appraises threatening situations w/o activating avoidance, fear, or preoccupation Physical intervention (“feeding”) Verbal attunement (“active listening”) Sensitivity, caring, setting limits, and teaching

24. 24 PRIMING THE SECURE BASE Interactions with others who are available and supportive during times of stress creates a sense of secure base or “felt security” (Sroufe and Waters, 1977) Secure base priming is the elicitation of thoughts and images consistent with felt security: I’m worthy of support and others can be depended on for support Emotional aspect: Relief of anxiety or comfort Outcome: Go back to doing other things like exploration, risk-taking, play, etc.

25. 25 SECURE BASE PRIMING & PSYCHOTHERAPY Words, body language, environment set up to be supportive, caring and understanding Immediate experience of a secure base relationship can affect cognitive and affective experiences in the session In-session experiences may be called upon as a source of calming outside of therapy Promote play and exploration: Try on new ideas, roles, etc., and explore the world of the psyche

26. 26 2. EXPLORE CURRENT RELATIONSHIPS Listen to stories of current relationships to understand attachment themes Pay attention to themes of inattentive or non-responsive attachment figure: Is she there for me? Is she going to respond positively? Is she even going to know what I need? Help clients understand WHY they may have difficulties regulating affect

27. 27 3. UTILIZE THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP Transference issues Look for indicators of denial and minimization of attachment Look for indicators of idealization, needing to please, high need for attention Look for indicators of mistrust/paranoia and excessive blaming

28. 28 4. CONNECT THE DOTS FROM PAST ATTACHMENTS Seek out reports of attachment experiences in childhood Clearly identify the importance of “connecting the dots”: How do you think those past experiences affect who you are today? Help clients operate less “under the spell” of historical experiences with attachment figures Develop understanding of possessive behavior based on fear and insecurity

29. 29 5. TEACH EMOTIONAL REGULATION Self-soothing Developing new narratives New communication skills

30. 30 ATTACHMENT INTERPERSONAL STYLES IN TREATMENT ANXIOUS-AVOIDANT (Dismissing): Emotional distancing ANXIOUS-AMBIVALENT (Preoccupied): Pleasing and idealizing behaviors; easily injured; tends to blame self (but may also shift shame to blame) DISORGANIZED (Fearful): Erratic dependency and distancing; very easily injured; tends to blame others

31. 31 ATTACHMENT NARRATIVES Attachment-based treatment is a process of story-making and story-breaking. SECURE: values attachment relationships, integrates into coherent narrative

32. 32 PRE-OCCUPIED (Anxious-Ambivalent) NARRATIVES Ruminating about childhood attachment injuries; long and vague stories with uncontained affect about attachment STRATEGY: Teach self-soothing so narratives will have more objective distance and cognitive structures to contain affect Break emotional dysphoria by creating story that is also infused by logical perspective and balance of affect and reflective understanding

33. 33 DISMISSING (Anxious-Avoidant) NARRATIVES Denies negative memories, idealizes early relationships, presents little data, shallow affect STRATEGY: Help draw out the story, listen for inconsistencies in recollections of childhood experiences, point them out, help connect with the “emotional soundtrack” of narratives Break the rigid, unemotional, and unrelated story; create story with greater emotional content and balance of positive and negative

34. 34 FEARFUL (Disorganized) NARRATIVES Confused in their narratives about childhood trauma/loss STRATEGY: Address early childhood trauma experiences, identify and help minimize dissociation and emotional flooding

35. 35 ATTACHMENT THEORY CONCLUSIONS Create a secure base environment One size does not fit all Use the therapeutic relationship Educate about attachment issues Help generate more adaptive methods for regulating attachment anxiety generating new narratives experience intimate relationships in new ways