"Language of Desire Secrets: Dirty Words That Will Make Him Crave You"

1. In Western society, there’s a narrative that equates desire with love: it’s the good old story of romantic love. Who didn’t believe in it, at least for a while? An entire body of literature, a film and a music genre, and a number of unquestioned urban legends have thrived on that narrative for decades. It’s fair to recognize that more and more people were awakened to the fact that this paradigm has rather been more a source of excruciating dramas and shredded expectations than nurtured fulfilling and sustainable relationships.

2. We have come to acknowledge that, in the realm of relationships, desire leads to infatuation first and then to what we call “falling in love”, a condition which over time might lead — or rather evolve into — a more sustained, conscious, considerate, mature type of connection that we can call “love”. But if on the one hand desire is romanticised, on the other hand, it’s been demonised. In certain belief systems desire is seen as the wicked impulse that drives us to temptation, sin, and folly. Seen this way, people were encouraged to silence it or repress it. To the point that the fact itself of feeling at all might generate a sense of guilt or even shame. Neither of these two perceptions of desire, however, is balanced.

3. We’re doing a massive disservice to ourselves if we don’t find a constructive way to learn from and deal with our desires. Because desire is a compass. In all realms. Desire says: “Here’s what attracts you”. Desire wants, craves, wrestles, screams. It’s a pointer to something we don’t have — and wish to have. It’s visceral, intuitive, gutty. It points out what feels beautiful, interesting, mysterious. What makes ends meet. Something that, if attained, might bring bliss, satisfaction, pleasure, peace. But, if unfulfilled and burdened by expectations, it can also lead to misery, depression, intense sadness. Interestingly though, even when fulfilled, it can become an addiction, an identity, a vicious circle of fruitless search for purpose. So where is the balance? Let’s begin by recognizing that being conscious of our desires is critical to the development of our self-awareness. Desire per se is not an issue. It’s not an emotional state we should get rid of because it drives us into troubles, temptation or to eternal damnation. On the contrary: it’s something that connects us to our deepest nature as human beings. It carries within itself tens of thousands of years of evolution and adaptation of needs and transformational impulses. Giving language to desire is a remarkable opportunity for self-discovery.

4. A ’weak’ desire is not simply something that we do want, but not badly enough. It’s rather a wish of the ego that is not attuned with body and mind. It’s there and wants to be fulfilled, but there’s no consciousness to look at it. There’s no witnessing of it. It’s the craving that takes over control. It’s the energy that drives our actions towards dangerous and inconsiderate extremes. As Adam Smith nicely puts it: “The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life seems to arise from overrating the difference between one

5. permanent situation and another — Some of these situations may, no doubt, deserve to be preferred to others, but none of them can deserve to be pursued with that passionate ardour which drives us to violate the rules either of prudence or of justice, or to corrupt the future tranquillity of our minds, either by shame from the remembrance of our own folly, or by remorse for the horror of our own injustice.” (Adam Smith) The flame of “passionate ardour” that Smith talks about is often ‘weak desire’ because it cries for survival. On the surface, it manifests with intensity but if examined consciously, it’s like a dying flame. It needs oxygen: the object of the desire. That’s what makes it weak.

6. A truly ‘strong’ desire is holistically strong, in the sense that it is held in high consciousness and looks beyond the gratification of the perceived need. Awareness is its backbone. This type of desire is detached from the outcome: it points somewhere but it’s peaceful with not getting there. It recognizes when the place it leads to might be dangerous, dark and potentially painful, for ourselves or for others. It shows a beauty or a purpose that can be attained through different paths, and not necessarily the ones that we can envision today. Desire answers the question: “What do you want?” When we’re aware of desire and we look at it compassionately, we can ask ourselves probing questions, such as: what’s underneath that? is it something that resonates with my heart or perhaps it’s just the result of my conditioning, other people’s expectations, or the lack of a better goal, purpose, vision? How will I feel when I achieve that? Am I going to need to make victims on the way to that? Will it drain my energies? Am I going to be the victim of my own desire? Is this going to do any good beyond me? To others? To the environment? To the world? My friend Marta wants to become a world-class athlete in triathlon. She wants to train hard and win competitions. I know she has the potential. But when I ask her: “What makes you want this?” She goes: “I want to win”. I challenge her: “Is that all? I think you can do better than that. How will you feel when you become Olympic champion? What will you do next?”.

7. M: “Hm. I don’t know. I will tell my story” V: “What story? To whom?” M: “How did I got there. I will share this to motivate people” V: “Tell me more” M: “I can share how to stretch your body to the limit. To train hard and keep your focus high. To stand up even after a massive life-altering event like what I’ve gone through” V: “Right. You can inspire others. But not to win the gold medal at the Olympics. You can inspire them to work on themselves, to be bold and resilient. To strive to become a better version of themselves. I’ve seen you do this already. How does this sound?”

8. M: “Oh. Much better. Thank You” Winning per se is a weak desire. Inspiring others to believe in themselves and stretch their skills, winning or not, is quite another story. Similarly, when we feel intensely attracted to someone, we can ask ourselves the question: “What do I desire?”. Is it the body? Or is it companionship? Is it the confidence that the person seems to possess and that makes me feel safe next to her? Or is it the fun I can envision having with him? What vision do I hold in mind when I think of that person? What feelings does it generate? Desirewill point out experiences, motives and feelings that we are looking to bring into our lives and that are currently not there. It doesn’t necessarily mean they were missing until now. Sometimes, we come across someone or something new and we suddenly find ourselves drawn to that by an unfolding desire. It shows us a new facet of the world we didn’t even know about: something we suddenly want to discover, explore, dance with.

9. It’s time toembrace desireand make it a source of growth, transformation and increased self-awareness. Are you ready to follow your inner compass? PREFER TO READ MORE…CLICK HERE