The Story OfFFranicus Kuevera (as narrated by Michael Miley)
Presenting : Your TCDSU PresidentElect • FFranicus Kuevera, 3rd year law student, is YOUR TCDSU President Elect. • This is the story of his life, how he came to power, how he created one of the single most famous dances ever concocted; I give you “The FFranicus”
The Legacy • FFranicus was born to a loving family, unfortunately located in Bettystown Co. Meath. • His love for politics and dancing was evident at an early age, when he competed in the Bettytown Ho-down Finals in 1984. His dance partner was none other then Charlie Haughey.
The Haughey Years • Unfortunately for young FFranicus, his dancing was not as appreciated by the judges. • Towards his teenage years, FFranicus left Bettytown to embark on a national tour of the isle, dueting with his close friend Haughey. • This was not a success either.
His Big Break • He returned to Bettytown, a broken teenager. • However, then came FFranicus’s big break. He rocketed to fame as a radical opposer of the Bettytown’s teacher riot. • The brave FFranicus took on the evil teachers. • He spent 3 months in hospital after.
Big Break Cont. • He then met John Inderhaug, fellow opposer of the protest. • He had never felt the same about anyone like that before.
Their Relationship • Johnny and FFranicus did everything together. • They attended boat shows. • They went to Fianna Fáil Ard Fheiseanna together. • Their relationship grew – until the day FFranicus and John both entered the Maths Olympiad.
The Maths Olympiad – The End of John? • The two of them went to the Maths Olympiad together. • At the start, they were the best of…friends, but soon the cracks appeared. • The two broke off their relationship, during a tense moment in the final. • Johnny forgot his sums, and FFranicus never forgave him.
The Eating Contests • FFranicus, distraught with depression, took to over indulging himself with food. • Soon the food ran out. • He started eating his fingers.
FFranicus’s Entrance to TCD • FFranicus, finally over Johnny, entered TCD with the intention of starting a new love interest. • He was sure Johnny was going to go to Northern Ireland. • He was wrong.
The Early Years • He quickly took up Archery, Debating, Needlework and Fianna Fáil to stop himself thinking about Johnny, and it worked. • In second year, he had risen to the position of secretary of Fianna Fáil. • Johnny was no-where to be seen. • FFranicus was everywhere to be seen. • EVERYWHERE
A World Quest? • With his sights set on higher goals, he enlisted the FF Crew, and those loyal to their leader embarked on an epic quest. • From Berlin to Bettystown Co. Meath, this intrepit band of followers cast aside any doubts anyone had to their powers. • Each of the Crew had in their possession a ring of unimaginable power. • They swore an oath not to use this power unless elections loomed.
The Second Year • Then came a shock. In second year, FFranicus went for the Irish Language Officer of TCDSU, as well as captain of the Croquet team. • Johnny was Health Science Convenor and captain of the Xtreme Ironing team. • The sexual tension existing in Exec that year was beyond belief, but soon FFranicus made it clear that he was seeing someone else. Disclaimer: NOT John Inderhaug
Ed Reilly Enters • During a routine Croquet tournament, FFranicus met Ed Reilly. • Ed’s hobbies involved fighting against apathy, wearing no shirts, eating microphones, podium jumping and pretending he was from Galway. • Ed and FFranicus each had a love for dancing, especially when near one another, but no-one could outmatch The Ballerina from Bettystown.
The Third Year • FFranicus decided to run for SU President during third year. • However, passions came to a head with Ed when they both announced they were running against each other. • The only way to decide this contest was with a dance-off in the buttery, FFranicus style.
Enter “The FFranicus” • The crowd awaited with baited breath as FFranicus took to the stage. • No-one had expected him to pull off what he did. Ed “The Galwegian Grasshopper” Reilly looked on in amazement. • FFranicus “Feet of Flames” Kuevera had changed his life forever. • No longer would people laugh when he danced, he had created a new dance culture, now renound all over the world. • This is the birth of “The FFranicus”
After The Dance was born • FFranicus left the buttery that night with the coveted title of “Lord of the Dance.” • With this under his belt, he was ready to enter the Students’ Union Presidential Elections. • However, first he decided to leave his cherished Fianna Fáil following behind him, with Sexy Results.
The End? • Thus ends the journey of FFranicus Kuevera. • His parents still wonder where it all went wrong…