Dealing with Mental Fitness for the Parents of a Teen

1. Dealing with Mental Fitness for the Parents of a Teen

2. Everyday in my practice of counseling, I am approached by many parents with some complain or worry about their child. Irrespective of the gender of the child, the issues are pretty much more from among the following list: 1. Having a boy friend/ girl friend 2. Not putting in efforts to study 3. Being irritable or difficult with family 4. Addiction to social media or gadgets

3. Interestingly, even age does not seem to be a differentiating factor for any of the previously mentioned issues. The parents are undergoing a whole lot of emotional turmoil and they seem to be at a loss of how to deal with these issues. However, as a counselor I have learnt to see beyond what is presenting. And that prompts me to ask many questions. I would like to share some of my questions here: 1. What exactly is your concern in the above situation? 2. What are your expectations? 3. What troubles you most? 4. What is it according to you that would be better in the given situation? 5. Why exactly is the child behaving the way he is? 6. What is it that you really want for your child?

4. I present the same questions to you, the readers, if you are a troubled parent of a young child, especially a teenager. Do apply all the questions to any of the situation you and your child may be in. Try to be as true to yourself as you can be.

5. Now if we consider the common parental complaint of “Not studying” let us see how some of these questions can help us. I am sharing with you some of the commonest answers that I get from parents in my counseling albeit after paraphrasing and rephrasing many times:

6. Ques 1. What exactly is your concern about the child not studying enough? a. He is intelligent and can do better: Certainly he can do better, we all can. But does that better have to be in the area of high academic scores alone? If he is not able to score very high marks then does that meant that he will not be able to do good ever? b. Her cousins are all high rankers Unfortunately I hear this more often than I would want to. And then I ask the parents that do you want to help the child do better in life or you want him to do better to help you keep up your image or reputation? c. Everyone keeps blaming me that I am not a good mother: Well, as unreasonable as it may sound, the Indian society and many others do hold the mother solely responsible for any wrongdoings and under performances of the child. And yet the concern of the mother shifting from helping the child to clear some of her self image is to be put under the scanner.

7. Ques 2: What are your expectations? Interestingly most parents fumble at this question. They give vague answers like- “he should do better”, “I know he can score more” etc. However even when I press for them to define how much exactly they believe the child should be scoring, they seem to go round the bushes. If you cannot quantify your expectations then it is certain that you do not know your child or his capacities well. Your discontent is arising from the definitions of the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ given by the society. Do we really believe we can help our children without knowing them well?

8. Ques 3: Why according to you is the child not studying? a. He is just not interested b. He does not care about studies c. He is too distracted by friends d. He is more interested in gadgets and television There are ample of reasons why your child displays his or her disinterest in studies. Let us take it forward to our next ppt for understanding the concept of children “Not Studying” and for helping parents release the stress triggered by the same.

9. Thank You Presented by Dr. Sapna Sharma The Spiritual Counselor For more details, Mail us at: sapna@thespiritualcounseling.com Or Call on: 8446229088