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Your Personal Style. How it affects your relationships. Adapted from Pathways to Marriage: Premarital and Early Marital Relationships , by Busby and Loyer-Carlson. Enduring Qualities: Personality. Encompass our genetics and our environment. Flexibility. Adaptability
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Your Personal Style How it affects your relationships Adapted from Pathways to Marriage: Premarital and Early Marital Relationships, by Busby and Loyer-Carlson
Enduring Qualities: Personality • Encompass our genetics and our environment
Flexibility • Adaptability • Ability to bend without breaking • Essential ingredient in healthy, satisfying relationships
Kindness • Related to flexibility • Includes compassion, gentleness, consideration, thoughtfulness • Partners keep a mental tab of each other’s kind acts.
Maturity • Related to flexibility • Includes wisdom, responsibility, reliability, sensible behavior • Opposite of impulsive, childish, self-indulgent behavior
Maturity, Flexibility, Kindness, and Relationship Satisfaction kindness + - hostility Relationship Satisfaction flexibility - + maturity
Other Essential Characteristics • Honesty • Trust • Respect • Humor • Intellectual compatibility • Acceptance
Similarity • It is helpful to have similar interests, values, or goals. • It is not necessary to have similar personality traits.
Self-awareness – Ask Yourself: • What I want in life • What I do not want in life • What I am entitled to in relation to other people • What I am willing to settle for in relation to other people • Most frequent conflicts I find myself involved in
Self-awareness – Ask Yourself: 6. Places I am most comfortable 7. Clothing I most typically choose 8. People who I enjoy the most 9. Greatest disappointments 10. Greatest pleasures After answering these questions, you should be able to categorize your values into five categories - spending free time, spending money, events that cause anger, embarrassment, or thrills.
Destructive Factors Regarding Change in Relationships • If you are trying to change your partner, you are not really committed to him/her. • Expecting someone to change erodes their self-esteem • The only person you can really change is yourself. • It is unrealistic to believe that if you change, your partner will also want to change
The Ideal Relationship To feel accepted for who you are and to accept your partner in the same way. This means neither one of you is trying to change the other.
Why Marriage? Adapted from The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially by Waite and Gallagher, 2000.
1. Less Risk • Married people tend to engage in less risky behaviors. • Their life span, health, and conduct are improved.
2. Life Style and Longevity • Married partners eat better, avoid overindulgence in alcohol or drugs, sleep well, and care for their partners. • Married people live longer.
3. Sex and Health • Marital companionship improves mental health and physical health. • It improves occupational performance and sexual satisfaction.
4. Community Support • Marriage is a symbolic ritual recognized by the entire community and family. • It connects people to their families and communities.
5. Stability • Commitment helps adults and children live more stable, happy, productive lives.
6. Money • Married people are more likely to be promoted and receive pay increases.
7. Commitment Solves Problems • Conflicts can be resolved because both partners have a commitment to the relationship.
