The mysteries of love and lust coaching psychology for love life management
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The Mysteries of Love and Lust: Coaching Psychology for Love Life Management. Dr Lisa Matthewman Psychology fr All 2011. AIMS. The presentation aims to develop an understanding of the psychological theory regarding love and lust.

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The mysteries of love and lust coaching psychology for love life management

The Mysteries of Love and Lust: Coaching Psychology for Love Life Management

Dr Lisa Matthewman

Psychology fr All

2011


AIMS Life Management

  • The presentation aims to develop an understanding of the psychological theory regarding love and lust.

  • It will explore sexual peaks and cycles and draw attention to sex hormones

  • The presentation will describe in detail the various stages of the romantic relationship process/sexual interaction

  • The workshop will allow delegates to develop a plan of action that can immediately increase romantic self esteem.

  • The workshop will empower participants with the vitality to take control of their love lives and manage their romantic relationships more effectively.


Overview
OVERVIEW Life Management

  • What is love?

  • Love: Chemistry or Neurosis

  • Sexual peaks and cycles

  • Exercise: Demystifying love myths

  • Sexual Peaks and Cycles

  • Love Styles and Sexual Styles

  • The art of attraction

  • Coaching Psychology for Love Life Management

  • Exercise: Charting Love Choices

  • Relationship Stages

  • Are you ready for love and lust?

  • Exercise : Compatibility Wish List

  • New Relationship Checklist

  • How to build love intimacy and commitment


What is love
What is Love? Life Management

  • Views on intimacy

  • Typology of love

  • Triangulation theory of love (Sternberg (1986, 1988 ) intimacy, passion and commitment


Love chemistry or neurosis
Love: Chemistry or Neurosis Life Management

  • The aroma of love

  • The female of the species

  • The many faces of love

  • Love is a drug (PEA)

  • Love as neurosis

  • Love at first sight

  • Passionate or romantic love

  • Companionate love


Exercise demystifying love myths
Exercise: Demystifying Love Myths Life Management

  • True love conquers all

  • When its really true love, you will know it, the moment you meet the other person.

  • There is only one true love in the world who is right for you.

  • The perfect partner will fulfil you completely in every way.

  • When you experience powerful sexual chemistry with someone, it must be love.


Sexual peaks and cycles lust at first sight
Sexual peaks and Cycles (lust at first sight!) Life Management

  • Sexual peaks and cycles

  • Sexual stages

  • Phenylethylamine (PES)

  • Phermones (sensual scents)

  • Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA)


Love styles sexual styles

Eros Life Management

Ludus

Storge

Pragma

Mania

Agape

Romantic

Sensual

Imaginative

Emotional

Love Styles & Sexual Styles


The art of attraction
The Art of Attraction Life Management

  • Complementarity of needs (Winch, 1958)

  • Balance theory, Reinforcement theory, Equity theory

  • Social exchange theory (Homans, 1961, Thiabaut and Kelly, 1959)

  • Theories of attraction-attraction, proximity, familiarity, availability, reciprocity, (Zajonc, 1968)

  • Similarity of attitudes (Newcomb, 1961)

  • Sexuality (Berne, 1970)

  • Similarity and attraction (Tajfel, 1982)

  • Matching theory (mirror image)(Berscheid et al 1971)


Coaching psychology for love life management
Coaching Psychology for Love Life Management Life Management

  • What is Holistic Coaching

  • Holistic Coaching is an empowering relationship that enables you to create real sustainable change in yourself and your life. Using an holistic awareness-based approach your coach will help you identify opportunities and options that will bring greater purpose, clarity and satisfaction.



Exercise charting love choices
Exercise: Charting Love Choices Life Management

  • List the names of each partner you have had (emotionally attached to)

  • List their most negative points, negative qualities

  • Circle any qualities or words that seem to repeat themselves

  • Make a summary list of those ‘repeating qualities’


  • Are there some patterns that you need to be aware of? Life Management

  • Is there a trend in your relationships over time?

  • Were some partners easier to list negative qualities about than others?

  • Is my present partner significantly different from previous partners? Better or worse or the same?


Case study kamira and ross
Case Study: Kamira and Ross Life Management

  • Asian female police officer and white welsh civil servant

  • Secrecy v openness

  • Constant questioning over commitment

  • Relationship never moved beyond compatibility debates (sampling and bargaining)

  • Ross suddenly left Kamira and married another woman


Relationship stages sexual interaction
Relationship Stages (Sexual Interaction) Life Management

  • Sampling

  • Bargaining

  • Commitment

  • Institutionalisation

  • Relationship dissolution: intra-psychic phase, the dyadic phase, social phase and grave dressing phase


Are you ready for love and lust
Are you ready for love and lust? Life Management

  • Six qualities to look for

  • Commitment to personal growth

  • Emotional openness

  • Integrity

  • Maturity and responsibility

  • Self esteem

  • Positive attitude towards life


Are you ready for love
Are you ready for love? Life Management

  • Am I still in love with an ex partner?

  • Am I carrying negative emotion?

  • Do I often feel emotionally empty?

  • Do I like the person I am?

  • Do I value myself? will others value me?

  • Do I have much to offer?

  • Can I talk about my feelings?


Exercise compatibility list
Exercise: Compatibility List Life Management

  • Write down the qualities you seek in a mate in relation to the following categories

  • Physical style

  • Emotional style

  • Social style

  • Intellectual style

  • Sexual style

  • Communication style

  • Professional/financial style

  • Personal growth style

  • Spiritual style

  • Interests and hobbies


New relationship checklist
New relationship Checklist Life Management

  • Family background and quality of relationships, past and present

  • Past love relationships/reasons for break-ups/lessons learned

  • Attitudes about love, commitment, children

  • Sexual attitudes and preferences

  • Sexual history

  • Spiritual or religious philosophy

  • Personal and professional goals

  • Financial background, goals

  • Attitude towards personal growth

  • Attitudes about lifestyle

  • Ethics, morals and values


How to build love intimacy and commitment
How to build love, intimacy and commitment Life Management

  • Self awareness

  • Sexual powerpoints

  • Confidence with personal relationships

  • Self belief

  • Positive mental attitude

  • Successful in love


How to build love intimacy and commitment1
How to build love, intimacy and commitment Life Management

  • Love as an adventure

  • Intimacy

  • Commitment


References
References Life Management

  • Viren Swami and Adrian Furnham (2008) The Psychology of Physical Attraction

  • Jenny Rogers (2008) Coaching Skills

  • Theresa Crenshaw (1997) Why We Love and Lust

  • Litvinoff (2001) Better Relationships

  • Reece Brandt (2005) Effective Human Relations

  • Stephen Franzoi (2006) Social Psychology

  • Eric Berne (1973) Sex in Human Loving

  • Levy, S & Valente, S (2008) Human Sexuality. Second Edition

  • Geher G & Miller, G (2008) Mating Intelligence: Sex Relationships and the Mind’s Reproductive System

  • Nelson-Jones, R (2006) Human Relationship Skills. Fourth Edition


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