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THE TERMINATION OF RELATIONSHIPS. RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION: HOW IT HAPPENS. PASSING AWAY SUDDEN DEATH. PHASES OF RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION. INTRA-PSYCHIC PHASE DYADIC PHASE SOCIAL PHASE GRAVE-DRESSING PHASE. COMMUNICATING DURING RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION. WHO INITIATES IT?

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RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION: HOW IT HAPPENS

  • PASSING AWAY

  • SUDDEN DEATH


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PHASES OF RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION

  • INTRA-PSYCHIC PHASE

  • DYADIC PHASE

  • SOCIAL PHASE

  • GRAVE-DRESSING PHASE


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COMMUNICATING DURING RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION

  • WHO INITIATES IT?

  • DISTANCING & DISASSOCIATING

  • “STRATEGIES”


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CAUSES OF RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION

  • BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION

  • LOSS OF SHARED GOALS/INTERESTS

  • DESIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE

  • SEXUAL AND/OR INTIMACY PROBLEMS

  • ROLE STRAIN

  • MONEY

  • CHILDREN

  • INFIDELITY/LOYALTY ISSUES

  • ALCOHOL/DRUG ABUSE



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DIVORCE FACTS

  • APPROXIMATELY 50% OF BOTH FIRST AND SECOND MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE

  • USUALLY AT LEAST ONE CHILD IS INVOLVED

  • USUALLY IT IS A HIGH STRESS PROCESS FOR ALL CONCERNED


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COMMON COMMUNICATION PATTERNS DURING DIVORCE

  • RECIPROCITY OF “BAD” (OFTEN PETTY) ACTS

  • POWER PLAYS: “I WIN, YOU LOSE”

  • COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN:

    • Arguing in front of them

    • Explaining about “Daddy & Mommy”

    • Not talking to them about what’s happening


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  • PRIMARY CONCERNS/TOPICS FOCUS ON:

    • Division of resources

    • Future relationships

    • Visitation rights & custody (if children &/or pets involved)

  • CONSTRUCTIVE PATTERNS OF COMMUNICATION ARE POSSIBLE AND SOME COUPLES MANAGE QUITE WELL. UNFORTUNATELY, THIS IS NOT THE NORM.



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  • WHAT IS JEALOUSY?

    • A Learned Reaction To A Loss Or Threat Of Loss

    • Can Be Real or Imagined

  • WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO BE JEALOUS?

    • Insecure People

    • People Who Have a High Dependency On The Relationship

    • People Who Strongly Support A Value System Involving Possessiveness of Private Property & Total Togetherness in Relationships


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  • WHAT ARE WE JEALOUS ABOUT?

    • Time; Persons; Situations/Opporunities

  • IS JEALOUSY ALWAYS BAD?

    • Mild Forms of Jealousy Can Show Concern & Caring for the Relationship

    • Too Often It Involves Unhealthy Responses Such as Planning Revenge; Sinking into Depression; Wallowing in Self-Pity; etc.


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  • COPING WITH JEALOUSY

    • Communicate in Ways To Develop Self-Esteem/Self-Confidence For Yourself & Your Partner

    • Talk To Your Partner About Expectations, Assumptions, & Feelings Related to Behaviors That May Be Associated With Jealousy


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GENDER & JEALOUSY

  • MALES

    • Becoming Jealous: Focus on Lowered Self-Esteem Due To Negative Judgment By Partner

    • Ways of Coping: Get Drunk; Get Aggressive; Feel “Turned On” By Jealous Situation; Get Angry With Self; Engage in Rivalrous Behavior With “Other” Man; Make Effort To Secure Another Relationship


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  • Inducing Jealousy: Less Likely Than Females

  • Motives: Men Likely To Feel Partner’s Interest In Another Romantic Partner Motivated By Desire for More Committed Relationship, Sexual Attraction, &/or Relationship Dissatisfaction


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  • FEMALES

    • Becoming Jealous: Focus On Difficulty in Developing Another Relationship If This One Should End

    • Ways of Coping: Cry; Try To Make Selves More Attractive To Partner; Pretend Not To Care; Withdraw From Other Relationship Possibilities


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  • Inducing Jealousy: More Likely Than Males

  • Motives: Women Likely to Feel Partner’s Interest In Another Romantic Partner Is Motivated by Desire For More Sexual Variety; Nonsexual Attractions; &/or Relationship Dissatisfaction



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TYPES OF INFIDELITY

  • “ACCIDENTAL” AFFAIRS

  • ROMANTIC AFFAIRS

  • MARITAL ARRANGEMENTS

  • PHILANDERING

    • Men: Worship Masculinity, Not Intimacy

    • Women: Angry at men; seek control through sex


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MYTHS ABOUT INFIDELITY

  • “EVERYBODY DOES IT”

  • “MY AFFAIR IS SAVING MY MARRIAGE”

    • or “SINCE MY PARTNER DOESN’T KNOW, IT DOESN’T AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP”

  • “IF MY PARTNER WASN’T THE WAY HE/SHE IS, I WOULDN’T HAVE AN AFFAIR”

  • AFTER AN AFFAIR, DIVORCE IS INEVITABLE


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