STRESS MANAGEMENT

1. STRESS MANAGEMENT AUTHOR SAMEENA ANWAR

2. DEFINITION OF STRESS • Stress is a form of pain or discomfort that comes to tell you there is something which youneed to change. Pain is a messenger and the message is telling you there is something you need to learn. Each one of us has to learn something different to change our stress experience. It is us who think in negative ways about ourselves, others and the world

3. UNDERSTANDING STRESS To conquer stress there are three steps: • First is the understanding of the experience of stress and how it is caused. • Second is the methods to manage it on a day to day basis in all types of situation. • Third is how to free yourself from stress, and prevent the stress experience from affecting your personal performance and relationships.

4. THE SEVEN ILLUSIONS OF STRESS • You have to be a doctor to diagnose • Stress is a normal part of everyday life • Some stress is necessary in order to reach peak performance • Stress is purely a physical phenomena and a little rest and relaxation will make it go away • Change of diet, a little jogging, a holiday will take your stress away • Other people situations and events are responsible for your stress • You have to be working fourteen hours a day and constantly meeting deadlines to experience stress

5. Mental signs Symptoms Tension Anxiety Tightness Discontent Resistance Worry Anger Impatience Guilt Reactive Tired Evasion Physical signs Symptoms Fast heart rate High BP Disturbances Skin rash Diarrhoea Insomnia Sweating Chest pain Heart Attacks Alcoholism Ulcers Headaches SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF STRESS

6. Competing with colleagues Being fired Demotion New job Conflict with Colleagues Too much work Over qualified Under Qualified Dealing with Aggressive people Noisy Environments Incommunicative Colleagues Not enough time TRIGGERSEvents and situations AT WORK

7. Death in the family Divorce or separation Marriage Difficulties with In-laws Children Selling home Buying a home Vacation Christmas Money TRIGGERSEvents and situations AT Home

8. IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY We are the creators of our own stress as we are totally responsible for the responses we create towards other people and to the changing circumstances around us. Every response begins with your own thoughts and feelings which are the seeds of your words and actions. Life is a series of changes which you have to respond to.

9. THREE LEVELS OF CHANGE In a world of constant change we are all challenged at every moment to create responses to people,events and situations around us. There are three levels of change: State of the World – Environment, Atmosphere State of Affairs – Political systems, Relationships State of Being – Awareness, Needs, Values

10. FOUR LEVELS OF STRESS There are four levels of stress, all interrelated and affecting each other. Spiritual – Identity,perception,values Mental – Thinking,discriminating,deciding Emotional – Feelings, emotions Physical - Body

11. THE EFFECT OF NEGATIVE THINKINGNegative Thoughts Self • I am not able to it well enough • Others don’t like what I am doing because they don’t like me • I can’t change the way I am Others • Why can’t they do it properly • He should not have said that to me • They never co-operate with me so why should I co-operate with them World • The world is a mess • The country is going from bad to worse • What’s the point in me trying to do anything

12. THE EFFECT OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS • Long periods of this kind of thinking causes cycles of stressful thinking within ourselves. This eventually affects our physical well being. Which means these feelings become automatic and habitual negative thoughts giving the same feeling and mood everyday and will in the end have a negative affect on our physical health.

13. VICIOUS CYCLE OF STRESSFUL THINKING Effects of stressful thinking • Feelings of hopelessness • Lack of enthusiasm • No motivation • Loss of self esteem • Prisoner of your own creation

14. CHANGING THE NEGATIVE IN POSITIVE • We all have our own cycles of stressful thinking. This is not a sign of failure but a sign of times. A stress management skill helps recognise, break the cycle and create new ones. Most people won’t do this until the pain becomes too great and reached a physical level.

15. Jogging Aerobics Change of Diet Vitamins Vacation Tranquilisers Sport New Hobby New Relationships Sleep Alcohol WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO TO RELIEVE THE PAIN (These are just illusions)

16. POSITIVE THINKINGTransforming Negative into Positive Self • I can do it to the best of my ability and my ability will increase with experience • I can’t please everyone all of the time, and I must not let someone else’s negative vision influence me • I am always flexible and ready to change Others • Each person has their own unique way of doing a task • If they cannot co-operate with me I can show them how by co-operating with them World • In every situation I will try to influence the course in a positive way

17. METHODS OF CHANGING YOUR THINKING • Positive Thinking - Be the change don’t change the world (Gandhi) • Challenge Beliefs/Perceptions - Change your views • Visualisation - Be calm • Meditation - Get a clear mind, change your thoughts by getting rid of negative thoughts

18. IDENTIFY WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU CANNOT CONTROL • A lot of stress comes from the inability to know what we can and cannot control. The ability to identify what parts of stress you can and cannot control is an important step in preventing stress. Focusing on what you can control, and coping with what you can’t control, will help to invest your energy wisely.

19. LEARNING HOW TO CONTROL Example: At work having too many things to do and feeling not being able to cope so feeling panicky. “Learned helplessness is ‘the giving-up’ reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn’t matter”.

20. THE POWER OF PERCEPTION • THE FORMULA FOR LIFE IS EVENT+RESPONSE+OUTCOME • The bottom line to stress is the perception that you cannot control the situation the way you want to. This comes from the subconscious belief learned earlier in life that you can control what you cannot control. The only place you have total control 100% of the time is within yourself. In relationships we cannot control others. The more we try the less influence we will have over them. The way you view the world is in your opinion the right way. All of your experiences and relationships will be filtered through your personal perception and beliefs. Therefore most of your stress is not from an event or situation but from your perceptions of it. Your perception is communicated to you through self-talk. Wherever your thoughts are going, that’s where you are going. If you want to change an ‘outcome’ in your life, listen to your thoughts surrounding the situation and change the unproductive thought to new ones.

21. PERCEPTION COMES FROM SELF-TALK

22. SELF CONTROL • When you see and accept stress is self created then self control becomes an essential aim. This means you need to be aware of what is happening at each stage of our inner self and then making conscious choices. The more stressed you are the more rigid your perception will be. So be aware of your beliefs and challenge them as well as changing your thoughts.

23. THE FIVE LEVELS OF SELF CONTROL • Spiritual – Identity, Values, Awareness Method: Meditation – Self Realisation • Intellectual – Decisions, Choices Method: Reflective Practice • Mental – Thoughts, Ideas, Images Method: Creative Visualisation – Positive Thinking • Feeling – Emotions Method: Detached Observation - Releasing • Physical – Body Method: Exercise/Diet/Sleep/Relaxation

24. HABITUAL THINKING • Our habits are our inner rulers. We allow them to rule our lives. Habitual thoughts cause stress and we must learn to detach from them and destroy them. You are a creator, sustainer and destroyer. Habitual thought patterns • Critical parent - (criticising yourself) • Obsessing - (not letting go of certain thoughts) • Fearing, doubting - Fantasy Catastrophe • Controlling • Depressed – (i.e.. “poor me”) • Hysterical – (focusing on the worst, building up to horrible) • Catastrophising – (building mountains of molehills) • Overanalysing – (others, their intentions and analysing yourself)

25. UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS • There are three main families of emotion – fear, anger and depression. One thing they all have in common is that they all appear when we are not in control. Each time they appear they drain our energy. • When angry, ask yourself “How important will this situation be in one year? • Always be a problem solver – don’t get stuck replaying the record of “isn’t it awful” or “did you see what they did” • Use humour when appropriate – learn to laugh at yourself • Take responsibility for your anger. Let go of blaming and complaining

26. THE THREE MAIN EMOTIONS • Fear Fear is at the heart of all negative emotions. Learn to be aware and let go. Hold on to nothing. You have nothing to fear. • Anger Don’t suppress it, don’t repress it, and don’t express it. Become aware of it and transform it before it shapes you. Separate yourself form the emotion and it will automatically disappear. • Depression We can easily arrive in a state of depression after too many experiences of sadness which come from a sense of loss.

27. MANAGING EMOTIONS • There are five steps to resolving and healing our emotions • Emotional reactions are based on past experiences. The challenge is to manage and resolve them. The beginning of emotional control and healing is acceptance. The moment you become aware of the emotion, acknowledge that you are responsible for its creation and accept its presence. The next step is detachment (ascend) which is separating yourself from the inner emotion. The final step is attune or ‘tune in’ to the centre of your consciousness to find peace.

28. CREATING “SPACE OF TIME” • When in stress creating space of time gives us the opportunity to develop and choose more positive and relaxed responses. Mind Games Counting to 10 Imaging Deep breathing Sip water in the meeting Thought stopping Humour

29. DEEP ABDOMINAL BREATHING • Sit in a comfortable position, arms at your side, shoulders relaxed. • Exhale through your mouth with the chest and abdominal area collapsing and falling inward • Begin to inhale slowly through your nose, making your abdomen rise. Your chest, rib cage and shoulders should not move at all. • Practice 10 to 15 cycles

30. USE RATIONAL PROBLEM SOLVING • Rather than just worrying about what stresses you always look to solve problems even if the solution is to tolerate. Problem solve things that are in your control. Acknowledge and accept the ones beyond your control.

31. USE CREATIVE PROBLEM SOLVING • It is impossible to be creative when you are stressed. So you first need to be calm in you inner self. The key to relaxation lies in what you do with your mind. Your mind is ready to display any image which you choose

32. WAYS TO CALM THE INNER SELF Quiet time Play the same music, light the same candle when ever trying to relax. Repeating this over times will create a cue for you to quieten your mind. Meditation This is the most popular and effective method of stress management which has been used for thousands of years. Journaling Just put your pen to paper and start writing whatever comes out. Avoid editing, criticizing or analyzing. Just let come out whatever comes out. This builds self awareness and self understanding.

33. RELATIONSHIPS AND DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE • The success of our relationships is dependant on our ability to respond. What you give out you get back. • Difficult people are people who don’t do what you want them to do and do what you don’t want them to do. They make the easy difficult the difficult impossible and life in general miserable. This is all a perception. It is not the person that is difficult but the behaviour.

34. Tanks Snipers Grenades Know-it-alls Think they know-it-alls Yes People No People Nothing People Complainers Gossips Liars Cynics Saboteurs Maybe People TYPES OF DIFFICULT PEOPLE

35. STRATEGIES FOR DIFFICULT BEHAVIOURS • 1 Do Nothing Continue suffering Annoy your friends with your complaining • 2 Leave Walk away – not all situations are resolvable Some situations are simply not worth it • 3 Change your Attitude Stop suffering around the DP – stop being a victim See the behaviour and not the person as a challenge not the problem • 4 Change your Behaviour Alter your response Stay on the dance floor

36. SEVEN FATAL CONSEQUENCES OF LABELLING A PERSON DIFFICULT • When you label a person difficult you cease to understand them • The vision you have of them then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy • You use them as a model/reference point in looking for similar faults in others • You give attention to other weaknesses within yourself • Your vision is a virus which can influence, affect and infect others. • You build a barrier or wall between you and that person out of fear, disrespect and mistrust – focus on strengths not on negatives of people • The work/task we do together is badly affected

37. SEVEN REMEDIES • See them as your teacher • Focus on their strengths • Seek to understand them • Empower them with encouragement • Include them in everything • Give them respect and befriend them • Work together for small victories

38. SUMMARY OF STRESS MANAGEMENT Self Responsibility Positive Thinking Emotional Control Rational Problem Solving Challenging Beliefs and Choosing Perception Detachment Set Priorities Relaxation Creative Visualisation Meditation Self awareness