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MASTODON

MASTODON. Damn Right!. DEUCE (Part 2). VS. MAMMOTH. After battling weeks of bad weather and 20,000 years worth of permafrost, scientists in Siberia have done the unthinkable—excavated a 20,380 year-old woolly mammoth in hopes of cloning these Ice Age giants. Shit! I forgot

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MASTODON

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  1. MASTODON Damn Right! DEUCE (Part 2) VS. MAMMOTH

  2. After battling weeks of bad weather and 20,000 years worth of permafrost, scientists in Siberia have done the unthinkable—excavated a 20,380 year-old woolly mammoth in hopes of cloning these Ice Age giants. Shit! I forgot to get the laser beam upgrade! There it is! Yes! Victory! Now Use your laser beam eyes to excavate the Beast!! HELL YES! Let’s Laser beam this mother fucker OUT!

  3. Laser beams What the sack? Are those laser beams I feel on these old bones? Who the fuck is disturbing me on the shabbos?

  4. Hell yes! I cannot wait until i have my own army of mammoth clones to work in my factory making fugly gray baseball caps! Laz0red!

  5. Sweet lamb of glory! The beast has risen from the belly of the earth!

  6. Yes, I have risen from the earth! Those damn laser beams made me all scorching hot. Could you please direct me to a Mammoth Swimming Pool? The only swimming You’ll be doing is in the gene pool! PREPRE TO BE CLONED!

  7. Mwah ha ha ha! The rising of my old enemy, The Mammoth, has also resurrected me, The Mastodon! Now it is time for me to seek my revenge! I am SO ready to tear The Mammoth’s ass up!

  8. Are you ready to fight me, you smelly Mammoth? Prepare yourself for a severe ass wailing! Oh shits! It’s that crazy mother fucker The Mastodon! I need to summon my bad ass super powers!

  9. That’s right! Fear this sweet-ass cape and the sweet-ass beating that’s coming your way, Mastodon!

  10. HA! Your cape and mask are inferior to my swanky-ass bow tie and BOWLER! Come here so I can kick your ass with this cane that makes me look suaver than a mother fucker!

  11. DAMN! He’s not fucking around with that bad ass MONOCLE!

  12. BRING IT BITCH! POW! BANG! ZAP!

  13. Wait, Mastodon! Don’t you think that in this day and age - after millions of years have passed - that we can bury the poorly underdeveloped hatchet of our time and make amends? Why are we fighting over things that don’t matter anymore? We should unite and kick some cloning mother fuckers’ asses!

  14. You know, you may be a smelly ol’ mammoth, but you do have a point. We need to protect ourselves against the evil scientists. These trying times have really brought us together, it seems. If my heart hadn’t decomposed 10,000 years ago, I bet it would be swelling with joy right now.

  15. AUGGGGGGGGH! NOT MY LASER EYES!

  16. You think you are so smart by killing my assistants and stealing their laser eyes! Well, who will have the last laugh when I am able to clone mammoths and mast- odons with laser eyes!?! Mwah ha ha! FOOLS! Your prehistoric minds can’t Fathom what you’ve just done! ARRRG! I have been Laz0red! Defeated. By. The. Enemy. *dies* Laz0red!

  17. Well, friend, we defeated the evil scientists! How about a high five up in this mother fuckin’ house?! FRIEND!? Mwah ha ha ha ha! You foolish old Mastodon! FOR THE LOVE OF MONOCLES…NOOOOOOOOOO! *dies*

  18. For the love of monocles….HELL YES, MOTHER FUCKER! Face it Mastodon, you’ve just been SASSED! Mastodon

  19. WELCOME To THE MAMMOTH SWIMMING POOL!

  20. I am ready To cannon ball the fuck out of this Mammoth Swimming Pool! Diving board

  21. THE END!

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