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Confrontational body spaces: transgender experiences in sport An explorative study among 12 transgenders. Agnes Elling – Mulier institute, Netherlands United against homophobia in sports: Inclusion of transgenders in European sports. Background. 6 transmen and 6 transwomen 27-51 years old

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  1. Confrontational body spaces: transgender experiences in sportAn explorative study among 12 transgenders Agnes Elling – Mulier institute, NetherlandsUnited against homophobia in sports: Inclusion of transgenders in European sports

  2. Background • 6 transmen and 6 transwomen27-51 yearsold • - 2 pre (hormonal) transition; 6 totaltransition • twotransmenlivedtogetherwith partner (pre/post transition); onewithmother • - twotranswomen / one transman divorcedwithchildren • sixidentified as ‘gay’ • different educational background (vocational –university) and urbanized environments • different sportsbiographies

  3. Hiding the body: shame and denial Before my transition, I never participated in sports. You need some kind of selfrespect , which I absolutely didn’t have. (transwoman, 39) I felt ashamed to be naked in the dressing room with the other boys. (transwoman, 46) • I never changed at the sports club ( transman, 47) When something isn’t there, you cannot be ashamed of it. (transman,34) Prior to transition: ‘this body is not me’

  4. Hurting/exerting the body - control • I alwayscomparedmyselfwith men. I wanted to be as strong, and whenthatdidn’twork, I becamesoangrywithmy body that I trainedit to pieces…I didn’t mind hurting it, it’s the only thing one could do… train the body the way I wanted it to be… I was proud of my strong arms and legs, but in a way my torso wasn’t there. I literally nearly trained myself to death. (transman, 42) • Sport was for me a kind of exhaust. I really trained like crazy… Speed skating for me always was some kind of gender neutral place. (transwoman, 37)

  5. One ‘normal’ sportsbiography / biographicalreconstructions • I was just a normal boy, playedfootball in the first team until was 18. (transwoman, 41) • ‘Theywerescoutedby a prof football club and I couldeasily catch up withthem.’ (transman, 43) • ‘You try to compare with men… I was at the gym where [a former Olympic rowing champion] trained as well. We trained at the ergometer at the same time and I beat him. That gave me really a kick!’ (transman, 42)

  6. During transition – process of ‘coming home’ • Avoid confrontation • I startedshavingmylegs, so I couldn’twear shorts anymore. The last year I trainedwith long trousers… I alsowanted to takesomedistancefrom the badminton club. I startedexperimentingwithdoingthings ‘as a woman’. Badminton gotless priority. (transwoman, 41) • I lived publicly as a man, except for in the gym. (transman, 42) • Change of dressing room • After the operation I went swimming a couple of times and changed of course in the women’s room. It was a bit weird, but I felt I belonged there. (transwoman, 37)

  7. The sport group as (un)safe transition group • It was a mixed recreational volleyball group, where I experienced my coming out and real life tests…They found the transition very exciting as well and were very supportive. (transwoman, 51) • They were sincerely interested and tried their best to let me just be a man. I felt very much at home in that group [gay wrestlers]. (transman, 34) • The men in the badminton groupdenied my womanhood. My first name was not said anymore either… I noticed that I was a kind of freak. (transwoman, 46) • Some are stillusing ‘he’ and ‘him’ quiteinsistingly. • (transwoman, 36)

  8. After transition – being (recognized as) me • Being the body • Sport has developed my physical consciousness even more. (transwoman, 39) • Showing one’s new/real body When I go swimming I am aware that I have clear scars on my breast and I see many people watch me. It’s fine: ‘just watch!’ (transman, 34) I usedtowear oversized, long sleeved shirts, now I weartight shirts. (transman, 42)

  9. Pride of official crossing and ‘passing’ I now participated twice in the run as a man. (transman, 47) I look forward to getting a licence and officially participate as a woman. (transwoman, 37) Negotiation of risks of ‘discovery’/not being a hero You can be proud to be gay, I don’t have any problems with that. As a transsexual you are more vulnerable, the stigma is much larger. The most visible transsexuals are those that are less passable and these stories are often negative. (transwoman, 39) For me sports is very important. It’s one of the pillars of my life, that I won’tgive up. (transwoman, 37)

  10. Discussion Genderedsportsspaces as confrontationalspaces Full transgenderinclusionfairness (or ‘fear’) European andnational sport specific transgender policies?

  11. Agnes Elling-Machartzkia.elling@mulierinstituut.nl

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