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Under Siege – Sex Today. Pastoral Approach 1 2008. The Series. Sexual (Un)common Sense Strategy and Tactics for Change 3. Pastoral Approach 1&2. Talk Outline. The purpose of the talk The normal helps. Focus. Topic: sexual self-control Focus: masturbation-pornography

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under siege sex today

Under Siege – Sex Today

Pastoral Approach 1


the series
The Series
  • Sexual (Un)common Sense
  • Strategy and Tactics for Change

3. Pastoral Approach 1&2

talk outline
Talk Outline
  • The purpose of the talk
  • The normal helps
  • Topic: sexual self-control
    • Focus: masturbation-pornography
  • Category: our university students +
    • Most do not have sexual self-control yet.
    • “Community kids” are like the others, except they usually have known these things are wrong.
our young men
Our young men
  • Why do I know anything about the situation?
  • Perhaps my sample is “biased”, but I do not think my conclusions are.
our young men1
Our young men

• Almost all of our young men have (had) a problem in this area.

    • At least in the past, they were under the domination of it.
  • Many of them have done things that were seriously wrong, sometimes things unheard of when I was young.
  • Internet pornography makes it more challenging.
    • Masturbation and pornography very often go together.
    • Pornography is more serious than masturbation in its consequences.
our young men2
Our young men
  • Only some can get free by themselves — with good teaching.
  • I think I can get all of the converted ones free from it.
talk outline1
Talk Outline
  • The purpose of the talk
  • The normal helps
what can we do
What can we do?
  • Teach about it.
    • From here on, I presuppose they accept these things as wrong.
    • Also about the purpose of sexuality.
  • Discuss it in pastoral care and get them to use the normal helps well.
    • Do not wait until they get married.
  • Work someone out of it.
  • Most have gotten little apart from us.
  • Sexuality seminar (pre-formation)
  • FC 2: Course for single men (Year 2)
pastoral care discussion
Pastoral care discussion

When start to work on it?

  • When they bring it up wanting help
  • Entering formation: fornication
  • After FC 2: goal of basic sexual discipline
normal helps
Normal Helps
  • Individual pastoral care discussions
  • Men’s group
  • Buddies
  • Internet protection
  • Special prayer
normal help pastoral care
Normal Help: Pastoral Care

• Only trained pastoral workers should do this, and under supervision.

normal help pastoral care1
Normal Help: Pastoral Care

• Ask their permission.

    • Preferably each time at the start
    • This can be painful for them (although relief for others; or both at the same time).
  • Keep confidentiality.
  • Bring it up periodically, not each time.
    • Don’t make it the regular focus of normal pastoral care.

– The goal is to keep an eye on the situation.

normal help pastoral care2
Normal Help: Pastoral Care

• We want to encourage them they can do it and tell them to keep fighting.

the value of testimony
The Value of Testimony
  • They need to know it can be done (some think it is impossible).
  • If you are over it…
  • If there is no reason you should not…
  • If not, speak about others.
normal help men s group
Normal Help: Men’s Group
  • Confession in the men’s group you lead?
  • My criteria:
    • Only after you know where everyone is
    • Only if you are confident they are all willing
    • Only if you can check to see if they are being honest
normal help buddies
Normal Help: Buddies
  • The buddy system – two guys confessing to each other
  • They do not necessarily give advice — mainly accountability.
    • Sacramental confession does not usually do the same thing.
  • They need to be committed to regular contact and direct speech.
normal help internet
Normal Help: Internet

• A filter (blocking program)

  • Computer use in the open
  • Covenant Eyes for laptops
normal help prayer
Normal Help: Prayer
  • Prayer for general help in area
  • Prayer for deliverance
  • Prayer for the past
  • No substitute for learning sexual discipline
what can we do1
What can we do?
  • Teach about it.
  • Discuss it in pastoral care and get them to use the normal helps well.
  • Work someone out of it.
    • This requires a special talk.