Partner Abuse Intervention

1. Partner Abuse Intervention Rob Johnson, MA, LCPC 27 N Wacker Drive, #245 Chicago, IL 60606 312-316-3366 rjohnson@crossroadscounselingchicago.com www.crossroadscounselingchicago.com Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

2. Self Introduction • Rob Johnson, MA, LCPC • 30 year career in computer technology • IBM, Chicago Mercantile Exchange • 20 years of experience working with men in the area of transformation and personal growth • Masters in Professional Counseling, 2006 • Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, Illinois • Specialize in Partner Abuse Intervention and Personal Leadership Development Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

3. Definitions • Domestic • Of the home or family • Violence • Any attempt that I make to force my will on you • Takes many forms • Partner • Anyone that I have been intimate (sexual) with • Excludes parents, siblings, children, roommates, … Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

4. The Duluth Model • Partner abuse is a pattern of actions used to intentionally control or dominate an intimate partner (cycle of violence) • The victim is not to blame • Offenders are held accountable • The voices of the victims take priority • Intervention programs are offered to offenders • Treatment comprises an integrated response among legislative, judicial, criminal and civil justice agencies, health care, community members, victims, etc. • Societal conditions that support men’s use of tactics of power and control over women must change Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

5. Cycle of Violence You’re the one You’re not the one Escalating arguments, verbal/emotional abuse Physical/sexual abuse, property destruction Reset to before violence, forget this ever happened • Seduction/Honeymoon • Disenchantment • Discord • Violent break (Police intervention) • False apology • Return to step 1 Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

6. Goals of Intervention • Stop the violence • Not couple’s or pastoral counseling • Help offenders become conscious of how they abuse in intimate relationships • Help offenders learn and adopt alternatives to coercive, controlling, and violent behavior in intimate relationships • Help to create a culture of deterrence Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

7. Intervention Philosophy • Guiding Principles • Violence is a learned behavior and therefore it can be “unlearned” • Alternative, non-violent behaviors can be learned • Cognitive-Behavioral Training • Cognitive: I become conscious of how I am violent • Behavioral: I learn non-violent and respectful ways to get my needs met • Intervention • A transformational experience is necessary Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

8. Cognitive: Violence Beliefs • We are not equal • You must respect me • I decide what is right, what is best for you (the children, etc.) • I can do whatever I please and you have no right to object • I am justified in using Power and Control over you to get my way Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

9. Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

10. Cognitive: Equality Beliefs • We are equal in all ways • I have empathy for you • I respect you and I respect myself • I do not decide what is right for you • How I live my life impacts you • The use of Power and Control to get my way is abuse Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

11. Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

12. Behavioral: Words vs. Actions • My behavior, not my words, reveal my true beliefs • My boundaries are established to control youI “defend” myself by overpowering you • I have no empathy for you • I know best how to parent "my" children • I cannot let you get away with "disrespecting" me • If you don't see things my way, you are "crazy“ • I cannot allow you to have your way because you would become "spoiled". Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

13. Initial View of the World • Male Privilege • Role model definitions • Social support for male privilege • The great male conspiracy • Defense Mechanisms • Minimize, Deny, Blame, Deflect, etc. • The Drama Triangle • Stephen Karpman, 1967 paper • Transaction Analysis (Eric Berne) • The Games People Play Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

14. You are the cause of my problems: The solution to my problem is for you to change. I am, therefore, justified in forcing my will on you. Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

15. Forms of Masculinity • Immature • Life-taking • Violent, destructive • Exploitative, selfish, uncaring • Mature • Life-giving • Protective, constructive • Generative, blessing Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

16. Intervention: A Rite of Passage • Initiation Descent Ordeal Return • I leave my comfort zone. I am no longer in control of my life. • I am required to look deep within myself and take responsibility for how I live my life (face the dragon) • I return to my world but I have been transformed by my experience from immature to mature masculinity. Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

17. Ordeal: Facing the Dragon • Classroom training is insufficient to bring about transformation • The consequences of not facing the dragon must be sufficiently unpleasant in order for transformation to occur Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

18. The Crucible • Mandatory participation in intervention programs is essential • Transformation/Change only occurs when enough heat can be applied • A “pot” is necessary • Accountability provides the heat Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

19. Accountability • Taking responsibility for my actions and all consequences, intended or not • Those who do not express their accountability are not accepted into the program during intake • Those who later deny responsibility, advocate violence, or re-offend are discharged from the program • A possible consequence of not being accepted or of being discharged is incarceration Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

20. Program Accountability • Take full responsibility for abuse • Understand Power and Control • Understand Equality • Demonstrate understanding through group participation • Use respectful language in referring to women • Pay fees, attend regularly, complete written assignments successfully Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

21. Cycle of Healing • Breaking through defense mechanisms • Minimize, deny, blame, deflect, etc. • Accepting accountability • Facing shame, embracing reality • Willingness to change • Claiming power over myself to change • The Drama-less Triangle • Stumbling (return to step 1, 2) • Bearing witness/advocating for change Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

22. I take responsibility for my own problems: The solution to my problem is for me to change. I have no need to force my will on you. Crossroads Counseling of Chicago

23. Desired Outcome • Intimate Partnerships based on • Equality • Mutual Respect • Empathy • Fairness • Advocates for change • Pass the gift forward Crossroads Counseling of Chicago